


Cigarettes, Whiskey, and Love

by I_am_not_a_writer



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:42:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 49,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7185611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_not_a_writer/pseuds/I_am_not_a_writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Kingsley loved Tommy Shelby since she was just a kid. After years of pining, she drunkenly confesses her feelings for him. However, does Tommy have mutual feelings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was hooked onto Peaky Blinders last year and wanted to write about Tommy with someone other than Grace and May, thus this story was born. However, the events that took place in the show that take place in this story are all out of sorts and order. So yes, before anyone can say anything, I know. It's just how it flowed out when I wrote it. If people like it, I'll continue to release bits every other day.

Something felt different to Alex this morning. The bed she was lying on didn’t feel like her own. Both the sheets and mattress felt heavenly against her body. They wrapped around her like a warm hug. Though, the pillow she laid her head on didn’t feel very much like a pillow. It wasn’t soft or fluffy against her face. It was more firm, and almost.. Muscular? Was that a heartbeat she was hearing? Or just her own pulse against her ear?

The soft snores that sounded off against her ear told her otherwise. After much effort, Alex finally opened her eyes to see a man’s bare chest. She inhaled sharply as she felt an arm around her waist tighten. Alex tried peeking up from the man’s chest slightly to see his face, but was blocked by his sharp, strong jaw. As she looked closer at where his jawline met his neck, she can see a purpling love bite forming.

Alex blushed slightly. She must’ve done that in her drunken stupor. Who else could’ve done it? Certainly not the man himself. She finally gave up on trying to identify the man and settled back against his chest. Alex brought her hand up and began tracing little shapes against his chest and stomach. As she took a closer look, she can see the man had a tattoo on his chest. They looked to be lines fading away and around in a circle. A little bit above the tattoo, Alex could see a bit of scarring. It almost looked like it could’ve been a gunshot wound. Maybe it was.

Alex dragged her hand lightly against the man’s chest, tracing gently at the man’s tattoo and scar. The man’s soft snores soon faded and were replaced with quiet groans. Alex tensed slightly and held her hand still, though it didn’t work because soon after, the man moved his hand to cover hers. Alex waited for the man to say something. To say anything. To tell her how the hell they ended up here, in what looked like a room fit for a person of good wealth. On a bed with sheets that were fit for the King and Queen themselves.

The man coughed slightly before clearing his throat, “How long are you going to pretend that you’re asleep?” He asked, his voice raspy with sleep.

Alex bit her lip. His voice sounded familiar, but she couldn’t pinpoint it. She moved her hand to slowly lace her fingers with his, “I’m not pretending..” Alex answered quietly, “Just.. Wondering how I got here..” She trailed off.

Alex could hear the man yawn deeply, “Was wondering that myself. Was a bit drunk, I can only remember bits and pieces.” He replied, “Like you sucking on my neck like a leech.” He teased slightly.

Alex groaned in embarrassment and hid her face in the man’s chest. She could hear and feel the man laugh next to her. The sound of his laughter settled warmly in her stomach. Alex tried her best to fight off a smile and a small giggle herself, but couldn’t help it and laughed along with him. The man’s arm around her waist tightened before he let her go. Alex pouted, already missing the feeling of being held by this male stranger.

He patted gently at her bum from over the sheets, “Be a doll and hand me my cigarettes, yeah?” He asked.

Alex frowned slightly, “A cigarette before you’ve had anything to eat? Wouldn’t you like to have breakfast first before you have a morning smoke?” She questioned.

The man sighed and rubbed at her bare back, “You offering to make me breakfast?” He asked lightly.

Alex once again started tracing gently at the man’s tattoo, “Well, that depends.” She responded.

The man caught Alex’s hand and held it in his, “Depends on what?” He questioned.

Alex smiled a bit, “On whether or not you have the things to make a nice English breakfast.” She replied.

The man let go and stretched his arms and legs out before trying to sit up against the headboard of the bed.. Alex moved slowly, scooting to one side of the bed and keeping her gaze down at the sheets. She wasn’t quite sure if she was ready to reveal the man’s identity to herself. Though, the man thought her actions were of shyness.

He chuckled quietly as he stood up from the bed, his bottom half obviously bare, “What’s wrong, sweetheart? You saw it all last night. No need to act shy now.” He teased.

Alex bit her lip, her cheeks grew warm as she took a deep breath in and finally looked up. The breath she had just inhaled was quickly exhaled as she started coughing. The man that stood in front of her was no other than Tommy Shelby. The leader of the Peaky Blinders.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex quickly looked away from Tommy, various thoughts running through her head. Not only was Alex freaking out because he was Tommy Shelby, but he was Tommy Shelby, older brother of her best friend, John Shelby. She’d always fancied Tommy, always admired him from afar, but to Tommy, she was just his little brother’s best friend. She would try to have conversations with him, but they always felt forced and awkward. Though, that was Alex’s fault. She couldn’t help but always get nervous around him. 

What the hell happened last night that changed all of that, she thought to herself. From the corner of her eye, she can see Tommy grabbing a pair of pants and pulled them on, “Get dressed. We’ll have breakfast.” He grunted.

Alex paused for a second. Was Tommy not at all freaked out about this as she was? She slowly lifted the blankets to see that she was totally naked. She looked up at Tommy and stayed put in the bed, the sheet pulled tightly over her body.

Tommy noticed that Alex wasn’t moving from her spot on the bed, “What are you waiting for? Come on.” He signaled for her to get up. Alex made no move to get up. Tommy sighed, “There’s no need to act shy now, Alex. I saw everything last night, and though I vaguely remember bits of it, I do remember that I thoroughly enjoyed your bare body against mine.” He smirked.

Alex only blushed more and threw the covers over her head and groaned loudly in embarrassment, “Please, shut up. Before I die of embarrassment on these beautiful sheets.” She muttered into the pillow. She could hear Tommy chuckle to himself, then footsteps approach the bed. She felt a weight sink down next to the sides of her head. When Alex slowly lowered the blanket from her face, she was met with Tommy’s bright blue eyes and small smile. She inhaled sharply, feeling her heart race immediately.

Tommy moved on his hands to cup her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb, “I know what you’re thinking. It’s okay to think what you’re thinking. All I’m asking is for you to not regret it.” He mumbled quietly to her.

Alex let go of the breath she had been holding in, “I don’t,” She blurted out, “I honestly don’t regret this. Even though I don’t remember parts of it. Or how we got here, but I don’t regret it.” She replied, nuzzling her cheek against his thumb.

Tommy let out a sigh of relief and nodded, “Good, because after last night.. I don’t want to sleep alone ever again.” He confessed. Alex raised a brow and tilted her head slightly, to which Tommy found adorable and smiled a little more, “The voices.. The shoveling against the wall. I didn’t hear them last night, Alex. For the first time since I’ve been back from the war, I didn’t hear the clanging of metal. And I think you being here.. In my arms helped that..” Tommy trailed off. He cleared his throat and stood up straight.

Alex had remembered John telling her once that his older brother had been having vivid nightmares and didn’t get much sleep at all since he had returned from the war. She couldn’t help but feel so heartbroken and worried for Tommy. A person can’t function with such little sleep without not going insane or worse. Alex only felt more worry when John had told her that Tommy was using Opium to help him cope with his trauma from the war. For Tommy to tell her that it all came to a complete stop last night, it seemed like a miracle to her.

Alex quickly sat up, the sheet falling to her waist. Her eyes widened as she watch Tommy’s eyes drift down to her chest, smirking slightly. She moved her arms to cover herself from his greedy eyes, only to have Tommy hold her arms down as he climbed over her, “Ready for round two?” He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

Alex laughed, finding this side of Tommy cute and adorable, “If this is your way of seducing me, you’re going to have to try a lot harder, Mr. Shelby.” She giggled.

Tommy smirked, “All I had to do last night was look at you and you were all over me.” He teased.

Alex laughed a little, “I wouldn’t doubt that. I already think your gaze is incredibly sexy.” She confessed.

Tommy leaned down to kiss her forehead, “That’s exactly what you told me last night. Well, more like slurred.” He chuckled.

Alex smiled sheepishly, “I believe you,” She replied as she wiggled away from his grasp. Tommy once again stood up straight and took a step back as she slowly uncovered her body. She could hear him inhale sharply, which made her hurry to grab her undergarments and pull them on. Alex had trouble finding her dress and instead grabbed Tommy’s white button up, then pulled it on. It hung loosely on her small frame.

Alex turned to see Tommy’s eyes, dark and clouded with want and need. She cleared her throat, “How about breakfast?” She asked quietly.

Tommy nodded slightly, “Breakfast sounds good.” He answered distractedly.

Alex bit her lip and gave Tommy a little shove, “Tommy, please refrain yourself.” She laughed slightly.

Tommy smirked a little and grabbed Alex’s hand quickly, pulling her forward and placing his other hand at the small of her back, “It’s very hard to do so when you’ve got my shirt on and nothing else,” He murmured quietly to her, “You know what else is hard?” He asked as he held her hand and trailed it down his stomach.

Alex blushed deeply and pulled her hand back quickly before she could touch anything, then smacked his chest, “Tommy, do not!” She exclaimed.

Tommy laughed and leaned in to kiss her forehead again, “I was joking, sweetheart.” He teased.

Alex smiled a bit and stared into his bright, blue eyes. Tommy stared straight back into her deep, brown ones. Her brought her hand up and cupped her cheek once again. Alex immediately leaned in closer to his touch, still staring into his eyes as she whispered, “Kiss me.. I want to remember it this time.” 

Tommy glanced down at her pouty, pink lips, then back up into her eyes before leaning in and letting his eyelids close slowly. Alex held her breath as she leaned in as well, letting her lids close too. Just as their lips brushed slightly together, they were interrupted by a yell.

“Tommy!” They heard a man’s voice, “Tommy, get up ya lazy arse! It’s nearly noon and you’re still in bed!” The voice shouted as there was pounding on the door.

Alex finally recognized the voice to be John’s. She looked at Tommy, her eyes filled with panic while Tommy looked at her with question as he answered back, “I am up, John. And stop shouting you idiot.”

The door suddenly opened and in barged John and Arthur. Alex gasped and quickly hid her small frame behind Tommy, hoping they hadn’t seen her face. She could hear one of them whistle, “Tommy, you bagged yourself a whore, eh?” She heard Arthur ask.

“She isn’t a whore, Arthur. And I’m sure she wouldn’t be too pleased with you calling her that.” Tommy spoke calmly.

“She’s hiding behind you. She has to be a whore. Maybe a married one at that.” Alex heard John say.

“I can assure you, she isn’t a whore, mate. She gave me her virginity last night.” Tommy argued.

Alex could feel her cheeks heat up. Tommy’s brothers laughed as they stepped closer to get a better view of her. She could feel Tommy grab her arm and pull her closer to his back protectively. Alex hid her face in the middle of his back, but not before noticing the scarring he had behind his shoulder, matching the one in the front of his chest.

“Aww, come on. Give us a look at the whore.” Arthur laughed. John laughed along with him.  
Alex could hear Tommy sigh. She can imagine him rubbing his eyes in annoyance. Tommy looked over his shoulder at Alex. If she was hiding, she wasn’t ready to tell John, but he knew his brothers wouldn’t leave them alone until they had a look at her. He grabbed Alex’s arm to pull her in front of him, until Aunt Polly walked into the room.

“Alright, out with you lads. Leave Tommy and his girl alone.” She said tiredly.

“But Aunt Pol, don’t you want to know who it is?” John asked.

“I already know who it is. I saw them leave the Garrison last night together.” Polly explained. She looked at Tommy and smiled a bit, giving him a nod. Tommy took it as her approval of Alex. Tommy gave her a small nod back.

“You know who it is? Tell us Pol, Tommy won’t show us.” Arthur complained.

Polly took out the needle from her hair, “It’s Tommy’s business whether or not if he wants to tell you two. Now out of the room, before I hurt you both.” She threatened them.

“Okay, okay. Let’s go John.” Arthur claps his hand over John’s shoulder, “But we’ll be back. And when we are, we’ll find out who she is, Tommy.” Arthur calls over his shoulder as he walks out of the room.

Alex peeked slightly around Tommy’s body to see Aunt Polly standing by the door. Polly stared straight at Tommy, pointing a finger at him, “You have some business to take care of downstairs, so get dressed quickly.” She ordered.

Tommy nodded and cleared his throat a bit, “Thanks, Pol.” He mumbled.

Polly stuck the needle back in her hair and nodded back, “Just hurry. We don’t want to fall behind on anything,” She replied, “And Alex? You get dressed quickly as well. You’ll have to sneak out if you don’t want to be caught by John or Arthur.” She said quietly.

Alex nodded from behind Tommy, “Yes, okay. Thank you, Polly.” Alex replied just as quiet.

Polly gave them both a look before walking out of Tommy’s bedroom. Alex finally untensed her body and sighed heavily as she stepped away from Tommy’s back. Tommy let out a sigh as well, scratching at the back of his neck. Alex plopped herself onto Tommy’s bed and looked at him.

Tommy moved to stand in front of her, “What’s wrong?” He asked quietly.

Alex shrugged slightly, “A lot..” She mumbled, looking away from him, only to have him grab her chin and bring her gaze back to him. 

Tommy smiled slightly, “Start from what’s worrying you the most.” He suggested.

Alex sighed again, “John. I’m worried about John finding out.” She confessed.

Tommy raised a brow, “Why? Last night you told me you were in love with me. Are you really in love with John?” He asked accusingly, moving his hand from her chin and taking a step back.

Alex quickly grabbed his hand and brought it back to her face, “No, no, no. I’m not in love with John, I’m in love with yo-..” She trailed off, “I told you I was in love with you?” She asked quietly, her cheeks heating up.

Tommy chuckled quietly and nodded, “You did, but that isn’t the point. Why don’t you want John finding out?” He asked again.

Alex cleared her throat, “John is my best friend. Has been since we were eight years old. You know that. I don’t want him to know that I.. Had feelings for his older brother the whole time.” She replied.

Tommy sighed slightly, “I’ll take care of telling John.” He responded.

Alex quickly shook her head, “No, if you tell him, you’ll be blatantly honest like always.” She accused him.

Tommy smirked a bit, “You’re right. I would.” He admitted. Alex groaned and tried to shove Tommy away, only resulting in failure. Tommy laughed slightly and held onto Alex’s hand, “We’ll tell him and everyone else together.” He suggested. Alex nodded slightly, already feeling nervous about everyone’s reactions. Tommy squeezed Alex’s hand gently,  
“What else are you feeling anxious about?” He asked.

Alex stared down at their hands, “I was a virgin..” She replied quietly.

Tommy nodded, “Yes. You were.” He responded.

Alex pulled her hand away, “I was saving myself for marriage, Tommy.” She commented quietly.

Tommy sighed, “I can’t take it back, Alex. And even if I could, I wouldn’t.” He confessed, making Alex look up at him in confusion. Tommy smiled a bit and stroked her cheek gently, “I don’t regret what happened last night. You’re my cure. You made me feel again. I’m not numb anymore.” He confessed all at once.

Alex’s breath left her body as her heart raced. She stared up into Tommy’s blue and vulnerable eyes. She stood up quickly, wrapped her arms around Tommy’s neck, then pushed her lips against his. Tommy stumbled back slightly before wrapping his arms tightly around her small waist, kissing her back passionately. Alex moved her hands up, one cupping the side of his face and the other running through his hair, tugging slightly. Tommy groaned in response, tightening his hold on her.

Alex pulled away slightly, licking her lips, “My last concern is us. Are we.. together? Or will this just be.. more business to you?” She muttered quickly against his lips.

Tommy shook his head slightly, “You’re mine.” He mumbled before pressing his lips back against hers.

Alex pulled away once more, trying not to grin when Tommy groaned in disappointment, “Your aunt is expecting you downstairs.” She pointed out.

Tommy only pushed her towards his bed, “She can wait. They all can wait.” He muttered.

Alex laughed and smacked his arm, “They can’t. Polly made it sound urgent. You better get dressed before they come back and barge in.” She explained.

Tommy sighed heavily, then moved towards his armoire. He opened it and grabbed himself a white button up, a vest, a coat, and a pair of slacks. Alex bit her lip and moved to look for her dress. She finally found it behind the desk in the corner of the room. By the time she’d taken off Tommy’s button up shirt and slipped on her dress, Tommy had already put on his slacks and had barely begun buttoning his shirt.

Alex made her way over to him and moved Tommy’s hands, buttoning his shirt for him. Tommy watched her closely, taking in sharp breaths each time her fingers grazed his skin. Alex finally buttoned the last button at his neck, then looked up to see Tommy already staring straight at her. Alex smiled shyly and grabbed his vest, helping him slip it on and button it as well.

Tommy smiled at her when she turned to grab his coat, walking behind him to help him slip it on, “I think I can get used to this. You helping me dress in the morning.” He said.

Alex laughed quietly and nodded, “I can get quite used to this as well, Mr. Shelby.” She replied, patting down and smoothing out his coat.  
Tommy pulled her close against his body again. Alex wrapped her arms around him and stood on her tip toes, burying her face into his neck. Tommy held her and supported her against him. Alex breathed in slowly and hummed quietly, “Come on, you better get downstairs.” She muttered quietly.

Tommy pulled away reluctantly, “And where will you be going?” He asked her.

Alex looked at him and bit her lip, “I was going to go home. Bathe, put on fresh clothes. Maybe head down to the church..” She trailed off.

Tommy furrowed his brows, “Church? What for?” He interrogated.

Alex shrugged and walked past him to slip on her shoes, “I..There were two reasons why I was saving myself until marriage, Tommy. One was.. I wanted to wait to be with the right man, and two.. Well, you know that I was raised in a strict Catholic home,” She replied, “I can’t help but feel like I have to go to church and confess my decision to have premarital sex.” She said quietly.

Tommy laughed slightly, “It can’t be that big of a sin. There are worse things that can be done. Worse things that I’ve done.” He informed her.

Alex looked at him, “I know, but we were both raised differently. I know that you weren’t brought up in a religious household,” She responded, “But I was. So.. I’m going to stop by the church and confess. Afterwards, I’ll come by again and we can tell everyone our news, okay?” She asked. Tommy nodded slightly. Alex leaned up and kissed his cheek slightly, then walked past him to the door.

Alex looked over her shoulder to see that Tommy was too distracted in thought. She sighed quietly and opened the door just slightly. She peeked out to see if there was anyone out in the hall. Alex finally found the courage to sneak out and quickly found her way down the stairs and out of the house without being stopped or caught by anyone

Little did Alex know, her best friend had been waiting in the room across from Tommy’s, peeking out of the keyhole and waiting for the whore to walk out of the room. Only it wasn’t a whore that had walked out of Tommy’s room. It had been his best friend, Alex Kingsley. John’s best friend, who he had feelings for at one point in his life, but quickly found out that she loved another. John never knew who it was that had Alex’s heart, but judging by what he had just witnessed, he took a wild guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to add a bit more. Didn't realize how small my first chapter was.


	3. Chapter 3

Thinking back at all the times John caught Alex staring at Tommy from afar, or came crying to him when Tommy had found himself a new girl from time to time, it had all started to make sense. He’d been blind to it this whole time, even when it was right under his nose. John didn’t know how to feel about this. Whether if he should be happy for Alex, or be angry, or maybe even jealous.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Tommy’s door open again. Tommy walked out, his cap in his hand, as he closed the bedroom door behind him. John didn’t know whether or not if he should pop out of the room as well and confront Tommy or if he should stay hidden in the room and confront him later.

John decided that now would be a good time. He quickly stepped out of the bedroom and slammed it shut behind him. Tommy looked up, hardly surprised to see that John was standing in front of him. John frowned at him, “Really, Tommy? You had to get my best mate in the sack? Fucking use her and toss her away after you’re done with her?” He began throwing questions at him.

Tommy opened his carton of cigarettes, brought on to his lips and lit it, “Who says I’m tossing her away?” He answered with a question, exhaling smoke.

“You’re not using Alex for sex. She’s not some whore.” John stated as he approached his brother.

Tommy had to fight off the sudden urge to roll his eyes as he took a puff from his cigarette, “I’m not using her for sex, John.” He replied as he walked past John.

John’s hand shot out and grabbed Tommy’s arm, “Why the sudden interest in her? You never looked at her the way you did those whores. Why now? What changed?” He interrogated.

Tommy didn’t look back, only puffed at his cigarette again, “Alex is worth more than all of those whores combined. I wanted her the moment she showed how much she cared for you, me, this family, but she was too young.” He began to explain, “Alex should be afraid of me. She probably is. All the horrible shit I’ve done, she should never want to be in the same room as me, let alone love me. But she does,” Tommy replied, “God knows I don’t deserve it, or her. She holds an innocence that I long for and crave. There aren’t many women like that around here.” Tommy explains as he exhales his smoke.

“Do you love her?” John asked quietly.

Tommy froze for a second. He hadn’t thought about it. Tommy knew he had feelings for Alex. He knew that he cared for her. He knew that Alex was in love with him, but was he in love with her? He cleared his throat, pulling his arm away from John and walked down the stairs, leaving John to stare at his retreating back.

Once Tommy was down the stairs, he was met with Polly. She looked at him with a dull look, “Took you long enough. Did Alex sneak her way out?” She asked as she walked into Tommy’s office.

“She did. Or at least tried to. John saw her, but she didn’t see him.” Tommy replied as he walked to his desk and stubbed out his cigarette on an ashtray.

Polly turned to look at him, “And what did John have to say?” She asked.

Tommy sat at his desk and opened a couple of drawers, finding himself a few documents that needed reading, “He was concerned about his best friend. Thought I was just using her for sex. Told him I wasn’t. That’s that.” He replied shortly.

Polly sat at the chair in front of his desk, “You better not be using her for sex. She is a sweet and innocent thing, the last thing she needs is to be brought into this dangerous world of ours.” Polly told him.

Tommy ignored her last sentence. He didn’t want Alex to be brought into his dangerous world either. Even though she had been best friends with his little brother for years, she never had to see or deal with their family business. Tommy felt like that was soon going to change.

“The coppers are expecting their new captain to be arriving any time soon. Said that this one is determined to finally bring the Shelby’s down.” Polly informed him.

Tommy laughed humorlessly, “Don’t know how many times I’ve heard that in the past year, Pol.” He replied.

“We just have to stay close. Watch out for each other for the next few weeks, alright? Who knows what this new captain has up his sleeves.” Polly explained before getting up from her chair and walking out of Tommy’s office.

Tommy took in a deep breath before exhaling slowly, then looked back down at the documents in front of him and read through them, getting ready for the day’s work ahead of him. Though, he couldn’t help but feel warm inside when he thought of getting to see Alex again later on.

Meanwhile, Alex was at home, trying to pack some clothes in a bag. Her parents had greeted her at the door, both quite furious with her. They hated the fact that she associated herself with the Shelby’s. Living in a strict Catholic home, they did not wish to socialize with Gypsies. 

When her father asked her why she didn’t come home, she knew she couldn’t lie. When she answered that she had been with Tommy Shelby, it earned her a smack across the face. He lectured her that they were not to consort with Gypsies, much less the Shelby’s. It was then that for the first time in her life, Alex had decided to rebel against her father. She told him that he couldn’t keep her away from the Shelby’s because she was in love with Tommy, and had been since she was a little girl. Admitting this only earned her another smack across the face.

Alex finally had enough and marched into her bedroom and began packing her clothes. Once packing everything she could get into her bag, she marched right back out of her bedroom. Alex walked straight to the door, but not before being stopped by her father’s cold words. He told her that if she took one step out the door, she can expect that she couldn’t return home, not even to visit. Alex didn’t bother responding and walked right out anyway.

Though Alex was out of her strict Catholic household, and now had the freedom to do anything she wanted, she still headed towards the church to confess her recent sins. She sat in the confessions booth, the window between her and the priest was covered by a curtain. Alex kneeled down on her knees before doing the Sign of the Cross, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been almost two months since my last confession.” She said quietly.

“What have you to confess, child?” She heard Father Jeremiah reply.

Alex took a deep breath in, preparing herself, “I’ve lied countless times these past two months. I um, missed a Sunday of church, out of pure laziness. I’m dishonorable to my mother and father. And I.. I had premarital sex last night.. After promising myself to God that I’d wait until marriage.” She finished her confession, her voice becoming shaky.

“No matter how big a sin, God forgives all, child. Even sexual acts before marriage. Your penance shall be ten Hail Mary’s, eight Our Father’s, and five Act of Contrition’s.” Father Jeremiah replied.

Alex could feel herself calm down finally as she nodded to herself and thanked him, doing the Sign of the Cross again before walking out of the Confession booth, and out of the church. Instead of walking back to Tommy’s house, Alex found herself in front of Garrison Pub. Somehow, she knew that Tommy, John, and Arthur would be there.

Alex lugged her heavy bag inside the pub and looked around to see if they were out by the bar, but was only met by a few customers and Harry, the bartender. Harry knew who she was. He knew her as John’s best friend. Harry smiled and pointed at the room that the Shelby’s claimed as their own, “John’s in there with his brothers and a couple of mates, Sweetheart.” He informed her.

Alex nodded and smiled, thanking him before knocking on the door, then proceeded to enter. When she opened the door, she didn’t expect to see the Shelby brothers half beaten up, covered in already forming bruises and bleeding from cuts and scrapes. Alex sighed and dropped her bag onto the floor before closing the door behind her and folding her arms. She looked at the men with a look and waited for one of them to explain.

“The Lee’s called our mother a diddicoy whore. So, we took care of them.” John answered finally as he wiped at the blood that had been dripping from a small cut on his forehead. Arthur was holding ice over a small bump over his head, while Tommy had a couple of bruises, and a small cut on his cheek that was also dripping blood.

Alex sighed in disappointment and shook her head, then looked to the other two men in the room, “Will you lads excuse us? Only for a moment.” She smiled. The other men nodded wordlessly, too stunned by her beauty. The smile from her face was quickly wiped away when the door shut behind them. Alex scowled at the men in front of her, “And exactly whose idea was it to mess with the Lee’s?” She interrogated.

The men in front of her stood quiet, not speaking or making a single sound. Alex rolled her eyes and grabbed a napkin and a cup of whiskey from the table. She dipped the napkin slightly, then moved towards John, dabbing at the small cuts on his face. Alex could feel eyes burning at the side of her face and she knew it was Tommy without even looking.

John hissed slightly in pain, which made Alex frown even more, “Serves you right for starting an unneeded war.” She lectured, pressing harder against his cuts on purpose, making hiss in more pain.

Alex tossed the used napkin onto the table and grabbed another, doing the same thing she had done before and moved onto Arthur, dabbing at the cuts on his forehead and nose, “What were you lot even doing in their territory?” She questioned, dabbing harder than she needed to, making Arthur hiss in pain just like John.

“Johnny Dogs and I were flipping a coin for the family car and one of his best horses.” Tommy explained. Alex looked over at him to see that he was watching her intently. His eyes were dark with jealousy.

Alex tossed the napkin once again, and repeated what she’d done before. She sat closely next to Tommy and dabbed at his cuts. Tommy tried not to wince and hiss in pain like his brothers, but it was hard not to when Alex put more pressure than needed on purpose. Alex scowled as she cleaned his cuts, “Who started it then? After they said that. Who took the first swing?” She interrogated.

The men once again stayed quiet. She sighed and shook her head, tossing the final napkin onto the table. Tommy stared at the side of her face, noticing that there was a bruise forming in the shape of a handprint. He quickly took her chin in his hand and tilted it closer to him to get a better look, “Who did this?” He asked, his voice deep with concern and anger.

Alex smacked his hand away, then scooted closer to Arthur, “I don’t think so. If I don’t get answers, you don’t get answers.” She answered in a huff and crossed her arms, looking away.

“I’m the one who started the bloody fight. No one speaks of my dead mother that way. Now tell me who fucking laid their hands on you.” He growled in frustration.

Alex looked at him, almost in fear. She’d heard him talk to others in that tone. She never thought she’d hear him speak to her that way. Alex cleared her throat and stood up, walking around the table and grabbed her bag. She didn’t look back as she opened the door and shut it behind her. She soon heard the door open and shut again as she made her way out of the pub.

Alex tried to be quick, but was stopped by a hand on her wrist. She stopped reluctantly, then turned slightly to see Tommy. He parted his lips to speak, but Alex stopped him before he could, “I don’t care who you are, Thomas. Leader of the Peaky Blinders or not, I will not be spoken to like that. I don’t care if you’re angry. You will speak to me in a calm manner. I am not one of your people of business.” She vented as she stepped closer and poked him on his chest to get her point across.

Tommy sighed, feeling guilty already, then grabbed her hand to keep it on his chest, “I apologize. I didn’t mean to lose my temper. Just.. The fucking fight with the Lee’s. Waiting for the backlash to happen.. Watching you tend to my brothers’ injuries. Filling me with jealousy. Then the fucking handprint on your cheek just topped it all off. I didn’t mean to yell at you, but I did. And I’m sorry if I scared you.. That’s the last thing I’d ever want.” He apologized in a solemn tone.

Alex looked away and nodded slightly, “I was a bit frightened.. Only because I’d thought that I never have to deal with being yelled at by you.” She replied quietly.

Tommy grabbed her chin and made her turn her gaze back to him, “I’m sorry I did. I just wish you’d tell me who did this to you. And why you’re lugging this bag around.” He responded, taking the heavy bag from her.

Alex sighed in relief, flexing her now sore hand before taking in a deep breath and looking at Tommy with a nervous glance, “My father did this. He asked why I didn’t come home last night and when I said I was with you, he slapped me. And then when I told him I was in love with you, he slapped me again..” She explained quietly as she watched Tommy’s eyes fill with anger once again, “My father despises gypsies.. Which is why he didn’t want me to associate myself with you or your family. So I just.. Packed my things and left.” She finished explaining. Alex waited for Tommy’s response, hoping she wouldn’t get yelled at again.

Tommy took in a shaky breath, trying to calm himself down, “Are you alright? He didn’t hurt you anywhere else?” He asked. Alex shook her head wordlessly. He cleared his throat and looked away, already planning to avenge Alex, “Alright then. Let’s get you back to my home then, eh? Get you settled in.” Tommy said, changing the subject.

This time, Alex took Tommy’s chin and made him turn his gaze back to her, “Promise me you won’t do anything to him.” She spoke softly. Tommy only stared back. Alex frowned, “Promise me, Tommy. Promise me that you won’t do anything to hurt him.” She said, shaking him slightly.

“He hurt you, Alex.” Tommy replied quietly.

“I know he did, but he’s my father, Thomas, please.” Alex begged, gripping onto his chin tightly.

Tommy sighed and grabbed her hand, kissing her palm gently, “Alright. I promise.” He responded.

Alex nodded slightly, then laced her fingers with his, “Good. Now, come on. Let’s go back to yours.” She smiled slightly, tugging on his hand to lead the way.

Tommy glanced back at the pub, thinking about his brothers left behind as Alex dragged him away. He shrugged his shoulders. They’d figure that he wasn’t coming back. When Tommy turned back, he was met with the most beautiful grin plastered on Alex’s face. He couldn’t help but smile back and let her lead his way back to his home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's liking this story so far. I'm not really sure if I should keep posting the chapters I have, but anyways, enjoy!

Once arriving at his home, Tommy unlocked the door and set Alex’s bag by the coat rack before letting her in. He turned to close and lock the door behind him, then turned to see Alex had vanished. Tommy furrowed his brows and looked around, “Alex? Where’d you venture off to, love?” He called out.

“In the kitchen!” He could hear her call back from the other room. Tommy followed her voice and entered the kitchen. There, Alex was looking through their ice box, picking out a couple of breakfast and lunch ingredients. She then closed the door and looked over at Tommy, “You should go out and buy more food. You've hardly got anything in here.” She told him. Tommy nodded, making a mental note to ask one of his brothers to go out and buy more. He stood by one of the counters as he watched Alex moving through his kitchen to hunt for some pans. He smiled to himself as he watched her start preparing their meal. He couldn’t help but feel that this girl in front of him was the answer to his lonely life.

Alex turned to him once again, “Have you eaten yet, then?” She asked, wiping her hands on a towel. Tommy simply shook his head. Alex frowned, “And you were drinking and smoking already. No one should smoke or drink on an empty stomach, much less do both at the same time.” She lectured him as she tended to the bacon in one pan, the sausage in the other. Alex kept her back to him as she cracked a few eggs in a bowl, “How do you like your eggs, Tommy?” She asked.

Tommy smiled a bit sheepishly, “In an omelette?” he asked quietly.

Alex laughed a little as she turned to look at him, “Name it and you shall have it, Tommy.” She told him as she whisked the eggs in the bowl.

Tommy smirked slightly as he leaned his elbows on the counter and watched her, “You. Can I have you?” He asked cheekily.

Alex’s cheeks heated up and she blamed it on the heat from the stove. She cleared her throat as she poured the runny eggs into the skillet, “You already have me, Mr. Shelby. Since the moment I fell in love with you.” She tried to replied in a calm tone. She moved back to the bacon and sausage and tended to them. Alex then moved to gather more ingredients to put into his omelette.

Tommy watched her closely, “When did you fall in love with me?” He asked quietly.

Alex paused for a second. She tried to think back to the moment that she knew she loved Tommy. She looked down and began chopping up bits of ham for his omelette, “I was 11. You were about 16 or 17. John and I were out in the streets playing coppers and robbers. You and Arthur were off to the side because Polly made you two watch me and John,” She recalled as she moved the bits of ham into the skillet, then moved to grate some cheese, “And I remember John was chasing me down the road. I think my shoelaces were untied, or I tripped over a ledge, but I remember falling. And I fell pretty badly. I started crying and John freaked out and went to get your aunt.” Alex laughed to herself.

Tommy nodded slightly, “I remember that. Such a crybaby you were.” He teased.

Alex scoffed as she moved the cheese into the same skillet, “Hey! Don’t make me burn your food.” She turned to him, pointing a spatula at him. Tommy simply laughed and raised his hands in surrender. Alex cracked a smile and continued, “I just remember I was in pain, and I couldn’t really move my foot. Then all of a sudden, I was picked up into someone’s arms. And it was you.. I’d always fancied you. But to you, I was just John’s best mate,” She shrugged, “Plus, I was very young. So, I figured that if I even tried to confess my feelings for you, you’d just laugh in my face.” Alex explained as she began plating the omelette.

Tommy laughed a bit, “You’re right. I probably would have.” He replied shortly.

Alex sent him a playful glare, “Anyway, when you picked me up, you mumbled something about a car coming and that it would’ve run me over. I didn’t really hear you, I was so nervous being held by you. And then you put me down on the sidewalk and took out your handkerchief and you started wiping at the blood on my knees and the gravel bits on my hands. I didn’t even know I was bleeding, I was too preoccupied by you.” She smiled to herself as the memory became more vivid to her, “And then you asked if I was hurt anywhere else. And I told you my foot was sore. You moved it a bit, and I cried in pain. And then you.. You kissed my ankle. You kissed it and told me that I’d sprained it.” Alex blushed slightly, as she cut some slices of bread and put them on the pan to toast.

Tommy laughed a little, “You’re making a meal fit for the King himself, Alex.” He joked.

Alex smiled slightly, “Am I? It just looks like you haven’t had a proper meal in a while. Wanted to cook you up something special.” She replied.

Tommy grinned, “Thanks, Love.” He replied, “What happened next? After I told you that you’d sprained your ankle.” He asked.

Alex looked over at him, “You were there. Don’t you remember?” She questioned. Tommy shook his head, clearly lying. Alex smiled and rolled her eyes playfully, then turned back to the stove, “Well, my face had turned completely pink because the boy I fancied just tended to my wounds and kissed my injured ankle. And you told me that Polly would’ve had to wrap my ankle and foot so.. You picked me up again and took me inside. By then, Polly was on her way out to see me with John. Polly told you to take me to the kitchen where she would bandage me.” She explained as she started plating the other foods.

Tommy watched her closely, “And then?” He asked quietly, already knowing the ending.

Alex smiled to herself, “And then.. Polly began bandaging my ankle and foot when you held my hand. And John behind Polly pestering her on how to correctly bandage me.” She laughed slightly, “Afterwards, you got me a pouch filled with ice and you placed it on my ankle. Then you told me to be more careful next time and kissed the top of my head.. That was the moment that I fell in love with you.” She finished as she turned to Tommy with his plate of food, “And I still am after 10 years.” Alex smiled shyly.

Tommy had been listening so intently, watched her smile at the fond memory, he lost himself in the midst of the story. He found himself staring down at the counter. Alex laughed slightly and set his food on the table, “Come on, Tommy, while it’s still hot.” She said as she pulled out his chair. Tommy shook himself back to reality as he watched Alex walk back to the counter to serve him a cup of tea.

Tommy finally spoke again, “I’ll have a glass of whiskey instead, darling.” He said as he sat down at the table.

Alex frowned, “You will not. You won’t be able to taste my cooking when you’ve got the taste of whiskey on your tongue.” She replied as she set the glass of tea in front of him.  
Tommy sighed and looked at her as he took a sip of his tea. Alex only smiled in return, then walked back to the stove to serve herself a plate. Tommy waited politely until Alex was seated at the table next to him to finally dig in. Alex waited to see Tommy’s reaction to her cooking. She was hoping he’d love her cooking, seeing as she’d most likely be living with him now.

Tommy wasn’t expecting much. With the only food he had in the icebox, he expected Alex’s cooking to be ordinary. But as soon as he took the first bite, he was amazed by the combination of flavors of her cooking. Tommy looked at Alex and nodded in approval, taking another bite. Alex laughed slightly and nodded too, finally digging in for herself. She looked up at Tommy as she was chewing and watched how his jaw flex as he chewed. The closer she watched, the more noticeable the cuts became on his face.

Alex reached out to point at one on his cheek, “Shall we try bandaging these?” She asked after swallowing her food. Tommy only shook his head, his mouth too full to speak. The question she had asked before was on the tip of her tongue once more, though she didn’t want to get yelled at again. She continued eating her meal.

Tommy stopped to take a sip of water before speaking again, “The Lee’s were laughing at Arthur’s stupidity. Arthur thought I’d lost the family car, but I was only letting Johnny drive it a bit because I’d promised him that he could if he lost.” He explained, taking another bite.

Alex sighed slightly, “You and John always laugh at Arthur’s stupidity.” She pointed out.

Tommy shook his head, “We’re his brothers. They’re not. They disrespected our brother. A Shelby.” He ranted, stabbing his fork into some of his omelette, “I tried to walk away. Then they called my mother a whore. I gave them a chance, they didn’t take it. We did what had to be done.” He finished ranting, biting harshly into some of his bacon.

Alex looked down at her food, no longer hungry. She pushed the plate away from her slightly and took small sips of her water. Tommy took notice and sighed. He knew that she hated when he and his brothers started pointless fights. Several times, he and his brothers would arrive home in cuts, bruises, and sometimes broken bones. Polly would tend to him and Arthur, while Alex always tended to John. Polly would be screaming her head off about why they always had to start pointless wars and make enemies. Alex would stay quiet, almost in tears due to the amount of disappointment she had in them.

Tommy reached a hand over and grabbed Alex’s, squeezing gently, “I’d apologize if I were wrong, but I wasn’t, Alex. I defended my mother’s honor. Just like I’d defend anyone in my family’s honor.” He explained quietly, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek

Alex nodded slightly, “I know. I just.. I don’t want anything to happen to you or the boys. You, your sister, your brothers, your aunt.. The Shelby’s are the only family I’ve got left.” She whispered, her voice cracking.

Tommy blinked slowly, finally understanding. He moved his thumb to trace her lips gently, “It’s okay. We’re not going anywhere. We know how to protect ourselves, love. We’ve been alive for this long, right?” He tried joking. Alex wasn’t having it. He sighed again, “After today, I won’t start anymore pointless wars. I promise.” He whispered.

Alex nodded slowly, then kissed his thumb gently, “Finish your food before it gets cold.” She said as she stood up.

Tommy furrowed his brows, “Where are you going?” He questioned.

Alex smoothed out her dress, “I um, was gonna go upstairs. Run myself a bath. I didn’t have the chance to freshen up before I was kicked out of my house.” She explained.

Tommy held onto her hand as he looked up at her, “Stay. Finish your meal as well. If you didn’t get the chance to freshen up, you didn’t get the chance to eat either.” He replied.

Alex looked down at their hands, “I.. lost my appetite.” She responded.

Tommy shook his head, “I’ll have none of that. Sit and eat. Please, Alex. I don’t want you getting sick.” He pleaded.

Alex smiled slightly then took her seat again, “Fine, but only because you asked nicely.” She replied.

Tommy smiled back in return, “And afterwards, we’ll have that bath together.” He said calmly as he took a sip of his tea, while Alex nearly choked on a piece of bacon. She looked at him with wide eyes. Tommy only smirked, “I’m not joking either.” He said simply, as he bit into a piece of sausage.

Alex took sips of her water and cleared her throat, keeping her eyes on her plate. Tommy took notice to her sudden shyness and smirked to himself. There was now a silence between them. The silence wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It was secure and content. Tommy reached over without looking and grabbed Alex’s hand, holding it in his. He didn’t say a word, just continued eating his meal. Alex only smiled to herself. Their nice little moment was interrupted by bustling in the front room.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex quickly removed her hand from Tommy’s. Tommy found himself annoyed that their moment was ruined. John and Arthur entered with Finn close behind. John looked at the scene in front of him. Alex and Tommy seated at the table close to each other, eating a nice home-cooked meal. Alex looked at him, her eyes filled with slight panic and worry. John knew why she was worried. She didn’t want him to know that she was the girl in Tommy’s room earlier. Only, he already knew and she was worried for nothing.

John looked at Tommy, then back at Alex, “What? You two didn’t save us anything?” He asked as he sat at the table.

Alex quickly stood, “Um, there’s still some left. Arthur, Finn, John, please sit. I’ll make some more.” She insisted as she moved towards the stove. Arthur moved to sit next to Tommy at the table, and John next to Arthur.

“Aunt Polly already made me breakfast, Alex. I’m not hungry.” Finn answered as he leaned against Tommy.

Tommy ruffled his hair, “Did she, lad? Then do you mind going out and buying some groceries?” He asked as he took out a couple of shillings, “You can buy yourself some sweets as well.” Tommy said as he gave the money to Finn.

Finn grinned widely, “Alright, Tommy! I’ll be back in a bit!” He exclaimed and ran out of the kitchen.

Alex turned to shout, “Be careful, Finn! Don’t talk to strangers!” She called out.

“I won’t, Alex!” Finn shouted back. Tommy chuckled under his breath.

Alex came back to the table and placed the plates in front of John and Arthur, “Here you go, eat up, boys.” She said as she sat back down next to Tommy. Arthur immediately dug in while John kept his gaze on Alex.

Arthur nodded, “Fucking good cooking, Sweetheart.” He complimented with a mouth full of food.

Alex smiled slightly, “Thank you, Arthur.” She replied quietly as she looked up to see John staring at her. Alex made a face at him, something she’d always do when she caught him staring. John laughed quietly and shook his head before finally digging in.

Arthur reached in his coat to grab a flask, opened it, and chugged its contents. Alex blinked as she watched him. Tommy looked over at Alex with a pointed look, which she tried to ignore. Her mistake was meeting his gaze. She only shrugged helplessly.

John took notice to their wordless conversation. They seemed to know what the other was thinking without speaking out loud. He wanted to feel angry. Alex was his best mate. The first girl he ever liked. John wanted to wait for her, but then puberty hit. He started noticing other girls. He eventually gave up and started sleeping with other girls. John had no right to be angry or jealous, even if he wanted to be angry or jealous. As he watched how easily Tommy and Alex interacted with each other, he couldn’t help but feel happy for them.

“You gonna eat the rest of that, Alex?” Arthur asked, picking at Alex’s plate before she could answer.

Alex laughed slightly and pushed her plate towards Arthur, “It’s all yours, mate.” She replied as she stood up, “I’m gonna go take that bath now.” She announced, pushing back in her chair, then turned to walk out of the kitchen. Tommy’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist before she could get too far.

“I’ve got something to tell you, lads.” Tommy spoke, still holding onto Alex. John and Arthur looked up from their plates, waiting for Tommy to continue. Alex watched him with slightly wide eyes.

When Tommy didn’t continue, Arthur spoke up, “Is it about the whore that was in your room this morning?” He grinned wolfishly, oblivious to how Tommy was holding onto Alex’s wrist.

Alex winced slightly at how bluntly he said ‘whore.’ Tommy sighed and spoke up again, “She wasn’t a whore.” He replied.

Arthur laughed, “I beg to differ. She looked like one from where I was standin-” He began to say, but was interrupted by Tommy.

“It was Alex. The whore that you’re referring to was Alex.” Tommy spoke calmly. Arthur dropped his fork. John just kept his eyes on Tommy. Alex on the other hand, was beginning to panic. Tommy pulled on her wrist, making her sit on his lap. Alex stopped breathing, her eyes wide, staring at Tommy helplessly.

“You.. You fucked Alex?” Arthur asked. Alex choked on air. Tommy patted her back gently. Arthur looked at John, “Did you know?” He asked incredulously.

John didn’t look away from Tommy and Alex as he nodded, “I found out earlier. When Alex left.” He responded.

Alex turned quickly to look at John, “What?!” She exclaimed, then looked at Tommy, “Did you know?!” She nearly shouted. Tommy only nodded. She looked back to John, “I’m sorry you had to find out that way, John. I should’ve told you when you and Arthur walked into the room in this morning, I was just, surprised and humiliated that you two walked into the room and I was nearly wearing nothing.” She rambled on.

John nodded, “You should have. We’re best mates, Alex. We tell each other everything.” He replied.

Alex could feel Tommy’s hand rubbing at her back, comforting her. She nodded slightly and looked down, “I know. I’m sorry.” She mumbled.

She could hear the clanging of forks again. Alex looked up to see Arthur and John eating once again. John shrugged, “It’s alright. I already talked to Tommy about it.” He responded. Alex looked at Tommy curiously. Tommy kept his gaze on his brothers.

Arthur raised his flask, “Well, congratulations then you two.” He said before chugging down its contents once again.

Tommy shook his head slightly, “We didn’t get married, Arthur.” He snorted.

Arthur grinned as we wiped at his mouth, “She’s cooking for you. Being a cute little housewife and tending to your guests. And taking care of your wounds earlier. She may as well be your wife.” He laughed.

Alex turned to hide her face in Tommy’s neck and groaned in embarrassment. Tommy tried not to smile. He tried to keep his macho man persona, tried to act like it didn’t affect him having Alex this close to him, or that she was being just too adorable. He gave in and cracked a smile, holding Alex even closer to him.

Arthur laughed more and slapped his hand against the table, “See what I mean? Married already.” He pointed out.

Alex stood suddenly, “I’m taking a bath now.” She said as she tried to hide her flushed face. 

Tommy nodded, grabbed her hand, and kissed it gently, “I’ll be upstairs with your bag soon.” He murmured to her. Alex nodded and proceeded her way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

“What do you mean by her bag?” John asked, his brows furrowed.

Tommy sighed and stood up to serve himself a glass of whiskey, “Her father kicked her out of their home. Which reminds me..” He trailed off, turning his head to look in the direction that Alex left, making sure she was no longer in the room before turning back to his brothers, “She told me the bruise on her cheek was given to her by her father. He slapped her. Twice.” He informed them.

“What?!” John nearly shouted, then calming himself down so Alex couldn’t hear him from upstairs, “Is she okay? Where is she going to be staying?” He questioned.

Tommy took a shot of whiskey before serving himself another glass, “She’s fine. She’s going to be staying with me.” He answered, taking another shot, “As for her father. I’m going to have you two take care of him.” Tommy said, pouring himself yet another shot.

Arthur looked at him, “Why not you? I’m surprised you haven’t done anything yourself yet.” He replied.

Tommy looked back at him before looking down at his glass, “Alex made me promise not to do anything to him, so I can’t hurt him. However, you two can.” He responded before taking the shot.

John nodded slightly, “Just tell us what to do. Arthur and I will take care of it.” He replied.

Tommy stared down at his empty glass, “Nothing too serious. Go to his home. Give him the same treatment that he gave our Alex. If you make him bleed, well, that’d just be a bonus.” He instructed.

Arthur nodded before finishing the food off of Alex’s plate, then stood up, “We’re on it, Tommy. Come on, John.” He said. John stood up as well, following Arthur out of the kitchen.

Tommy followed them to the door, “Wait until night comes. I don’t want anyone knowing it was you two.” He ordered. It was already about mid afternoon. They would only have to wait a few more hours. Both John and Arthur agreed before bidding their brother goodbye.

Tommy closed and locked the door behind him, inhaling deeply before letting it out, hoping he hadn’t made a big mistake to send his brothers after Alex’s father, even after she specifically promised him not to. He looked down to his feet to see Alex’s bag, then bent down to grab it, climbing up the stairs to take it to her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and leaving Kudos! I hope everyone is enjoying what I've written so far. This chapter is a bit longer than the ones before because it explains what happened the night before they woke up together. So, enjoy!

Tommy went straight to his room, placing Alex’s bag on his bed. Alex wasn’t in his room, though he could hear a distant humming. Tommy followed the sound to the closed door of the bathroom. When he lifted his hand to knock on the door, the humming stopped, “Who is it?” He could hear Alex ask.

“The man who is now apparently your husband.” Tommy answered through the door.

He could hear Alex giggle, “I’m taking a bath, Thomas.” She called out.

Tommy could picture her laying in the tub. The water rising just up to her collarbone, and clear enough to see her naked body. He licked his lips, “May I come in?” He asked.

There was a slight hesitance before Alex answered, “You did say we’d bathe together.” Her voice barely loud enough to hear through the door.

Tommy stared at the door in disbelief. Even though he had said he wasn’t joking, he was. He moved to try to twist the doorknob, thinking that she had to be joking. Maybe she had locked the door on him, but to his surprise, it opened. Tommy took a moment to prepare himself for the amazing view he was about to see. He slowly peaked his head in.

Alex was lying in the tub, her long, brown hair up in a bun. It was as Tommy imagined, minus the clear enough water. The tub was filled with foamy bubbles to the brim. Alex bit her lip as she played with the bubbles, “I’m sorry. I think I put too much of the bubble soap.” She smiled sheepishly.

Tommy shrugged slightly, walking in and closing the door behind him, making sure to lock it. He didn’t want to be interrupted by another one of his family members this time, “It’s alright. It’s Finn’s bubble bath soap.” He stated.

Alex frowned slightly, “Oh, I didn’t know. I’ll buy him another one tomorrow.” She replied, feeling a bit guilty.

Tommy smiled and shook his head, “Finn is kind. I’m sure he’ll understand.” He responded as he leaned back against the bathroom wall, crossing his arms and watching her.

Alex grabbed a washcloth from the side of the tub, then dipped it in the water. She began rubbing it against her neck and shoulders, oblivious to what she was doing to Tommy. He stood there, eyes glued to the washcloth as it moved along the curve of her shoulders.

Alex finally looked up at him and smiled shyly, “I thought you were going to join me.” She murmured quietly.

Tommy nodded slowly as he pushed himself away from the wall and began stripping his clothes. He started with his vest and shirt, revealing his chest and stomach. Alex looked closely as she noticed the scar on his chest. The one she noticed from earlier. Tommy was too busy removing his shoes and socks to notice her staring.

Alex spoke up, “That scar you have. Just above your tattoo.. Is it from a bullet?” She asked quietly.

Tommy stood up straight as he unbutton his slacks, then looked down at his chest before looking at Alex, “Yes, it’s from the war.” He answered shortly. Alex only nodded before turning her gaze back to the bubbles in front of her. She could see from the corner of her eyes as Tommy slid his slacks down his legs. He took a couple of steps towards her, stopping in front of the tub. Alex took it as a signal to move and make room for Tommy. She moved back, closer against the tub, then looked up at Tommy, avoiding his lower regions.

Tommy raised a brow, “Aren’t I supposed to sit against the tub?” He asked expectedly.

Alex raised a brow right back, “Are you an expert at taking baths with others?” She shot back.

Tommy chuckled quietly before climbing into the tub, settling himself between Alex’s legs, “Actually, this is the first time I’ve taken a bath with someone.” He stated. Alex gave him a pointed look. Tommy then grinned slightly, “With someone that I care about.” He finished.

Alex laughed, “I know you’ve been with other women, Thomas. You don’t have to try and hide that fact.” She stated.

Tommy turned his head slightly to look at her, “They meant nothing to me. If anything, it was just sex with them.” He replied.

Alex winced slightly, and laughed a little, “That doesn’t really make it better, if that’s what you’re trying to do.” She responded, looking into his bright, blue eyes.

Tommy stared right back at her before glancing down to her lips, then back to her eyes, “What I felt for them is nothing compared to what I feel for you.” He murmured quietly.

Alex’s cheeks heated at his words, “Do you love me?” She whispered. Tommy visibly tensed and Alex suddenly felt like an idiot, “Don’t answer that. That was stupid.” She quickly said as she leaned further back against the tub.

Tommy didn’t let her get away. He moved back with her, then leaned back on her, lying down against her. He could feel her breasts pressed firmly against his back. It was Alex’s turn to tense up. Tommy tilted his head to look at her, “I’ve only ever loved my family. The women I’ve been with before, I never felt anything for them. I never loved them,” He explained, then leaned in to kiss her neck gently, “But with you.. I know I feel something. I can’t exactly say those three words just yet, but I know that with time, I will.” He spoke quietly against her skin.

Alex shivered slightly, getting goosebumps along her neck and shoulders. She slowly nodded in response, not being able to speak. Tommy could feel the goosebumps rise against his lips as he lightly brushed them against her neck. Alex moved her arms to finally wrap them around Tommy, moving her hands down his shoulders to his chest.  
Tommy leaned further in against her, kissing down her neck, then biting at the spot where her neck met her shoulder. Alex gasped softly, moving a hand to Tommy’s hair. She ran her fingers through it and tugged slightly, whining his name quietly. Tommy only groaned under his breath, kissing the spot he bit.

Alex tugged harder at his hair, “Tommy.. Tommy, wait.” She whispered, pushing him away slightly. Tommy groaned a little louder, pulling away and looking up at Alex. She bit her lip shyly, “We’re supposed to be taking a bath..” She mumbled.

Tommy once again started leaning in towards her neck, “I want to do something else now..” He mumbled back.

Alex gripped tightly on Tommy’s hair, preventing him from coming closer, making him groan. She bit her lip as she looked at him, “I don’t want to..” She said quietly. Tommy looked at her, his eyes dark with lust. She cleared her throat as she moved her gaze somewhere other than him, “I mean I know.. What we did last night, but.. We were drunk, so.. We had no control of our overwhelming emotions.. But we’re not drunk now and I think we should wait..” Alex finished quickly.

Tommy paused for a second, trying to take in what Alex had just said, but found it difficult being so naked and so close to Alex. He licked his lips and nodded slightly, “You’re right. If you wish to wait, then we’ll wait.” He murmured as he pulled back slightly.

Alex kept her eyes on him, “Thank you for understanding, Tommy.” She muttered. Tommy only nodded, closing his eyes as he leaned his back against Alex’s shoulder. Alex smiled a bit and kissed his temple gently, then grabbed the washcloth and began washing his shoulders and chest. Tommy only relaxed more against her, sighing in content.  
She smiled even more.

This almost seemed unbelievable to her. Yesterday morning, Alex had been pining over Tommy, like always. She was depressed out of her mind because there were rumors that Tommy had been sleeping with Lizzie Stark. She was a whore, but a pretty one at that. It had eaten at Alex’s mind all day, making her miserable. John came around to her place while her parents were at work and had invited her down to the pub.

Alex wasn’t much of a drinker. If anything, she’d have one glass of wine every other week. She hadn’t seen John in a while, so she agreed anyways. As she was walking with John down to Garrison, she saw Tommy leaving Lizzie’s home. She’d seen him paying Lizzie a couple of pounds. Alex looked quickly away, feeling her heart crumble to pieces. It was at that moment that she felt like she needed to forget her feelings for Tommy. To forget that she ever loved him. To forget who Tommy Shelby even was.

Alex grabbed John’s arm and walked even faster towards Garrison Pub, wanting to drown herself in liquor, but to also avoid Tommy. Once at the pub, she ordered herself two gin and tonics. Once the first one was made, she gulped down the whole glass in one shot. When the second one was made, she ordered herself another two, then gulped down her second one.

John laughed beside her, asking her if she’d been thirsty. Alex only nodded, gulping down her third when it was placed in front of her. John laughed and only told her to slow down, knowing that Alex wasn’t much of a drinker. Alex just waved her hand as she finally started taking only sips from her fourth gin and tonic. After a couple more gin and tonics, Alex felt the alcohol kicking in.

Alex’s words became a little slurred and her laughs became exaggerated whenever John joked about something. When she got up from the table to walk to the bar, she became rather dizzy and stumbled a bit. John quickly held onto her arm and told her that maybe she’d had enough to drink already. Alex pouted and asked for one more. John sighed and went to get Alex her drink, opening and closing the door to the “Shelby” room. Alex tried to get up quickly as she opened the doors to the little window and asked Harry for two more gin and tonics. If she was lucky, she’d get to finish them before John came back with her last drink.

Harry’s new, blonde barmaid handed them to her before John could see or notice anything, while he was too distracted by a few of his friends. Alex slurred a thank you and closed the doors, chugging down one glass and sipped quickly at the next. She hid the glasses under the table before she heard the door open. Alex looked up and expected to see John with her drink, but was dumbfounded when she saw Tommy standing at the door. Alex tried to act completely sober. Tried to act like she was fine, even though the reason she was tipsy was because of the man standing right in front of her.

Alex hiccupped, then quickly covered her mouth. Tommy’s eyebrow rose in question. Before he could ask anything, John was back in the room with Alex’s last drink. When she tried to reach for it, Tommy took it, drinking it down in one shot, grimacing slightly. He told John to not get Alex anymore drinks, that it’d looked like she had enough. Alex frowned and got up, steadying herself before walking out of the room and to the bar.

Alex could hear footsteps behind her, and she quickly asked Harry for another gin and tonic. She sat on one of the stools, feeling dizzy where she stood. She saw Tommy sit down next to her from the corner of her eye. Harry greeted Tommy as he placed Alex’s drink in front of her. Tommy grabbed the drink before she could, once again drinking it down all in one go before greeting Harry.

Alex tried to keep herself calm before she asked Harry for another. When Harry replaced her drink, Tommy once again took it from in front of her, and drank it. Alex’s patience was getting tested. Tommy asked her why she was drinking. He got no response from her. Alex stayed silent.

He sighed to himself before John came up to him and told him he had to go, that he and Arthur were going to go down to the race tracks. Alex took this opportunity to ask Harry to make two drinks for her. She thought, Tommy can only drink one at a time. She’d drink the other before he can get to it. Alex could hear John tell him to make sure nothing happened to her. She then felt John give her a kiss on the head goodbye. She only waved him off.

Alex looked up to see if Harry was nearly done with the drinks, but caught the blonde barmaid staring at Tommy. She can see from the corner of her eye that Tommy had been staring back at her. Great, he’d probably sleep with her too.

When Harry came back with two drinks made, Alex quickly grabbed one before Tommy could take both. She turned away from him as she chugged it down. She turned to Tommy and gave him a smug grin. Tommy stared back at her as he drank the other gin and tonic.

It went on like that. Alex asking for two drinks. Tommy taking one of them and Alex drinking the other. He tried asking her why she was drinking again and again. She didn’t reply. After a while, Tommy found himself beginning to feel drunk. As for Alex, even though she wasn’t much of a drinker, she wasn’t as drunk as she should’ve been. While she was distracted, Tommy had asked Harry to water down her gin and tonics. He figured she'd be too drunk to notice, and he was right.

Tommy stared at Alex, trying to figure out why she was drinking. She could feel his burning eyes and she told him to stop staring. Those were the first words she’d said to him that whole time. Tommy’s calm and serious mannerisms we gone and replaced with joking and grinning. He leaned in and asked Alex once again what was wrong with her.

Alex turned to him, finally making eye contact. Her shy and nervous mannerisms were gone and replaced with rage and angst. She didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t want to confess anything to him, but her tipsy self let her dam wall down and it all came flooding out. Alex told him everything. From having feelings for him and pining after him, to feeling miserable when she saw him leaving Lizzie’s house. She ranted on about how Tommy never noticed her. How she was right in front of him, but she would always be invisible to him. Soon after her long rant, she found herself in tears. Tommy’s grin disappeared from his face. He reached out to wipe her tears, only to have his hand smacked away. Alex got up and stumbled towards the door, making her way out of the pub.

“Alex, love?” Alex was shaken out of her memory by Tommy. She’d leaned back against the tub and closed her eyes, trying to remember what had happened after she left the pub.

Alex laughed a bit, “Sorry, must’ve dozed off. Well, actually.. I was trying to remember what happened after I left the pub last night. I.. remember bits and pieces of what I confessed to you before I left. When I walked out of Garrison is where I draw a blank. Do you remember what happened?” She asked him.

Tommy took a moment, staring straight at the wall in front of him, trying to remember what happened after she left the pub. He remembered being frozen in place after Alex had walked out. His little brother’s best mate had just confessed to him. A girl he’d care for. The girl he cared for so much, he kept his own feelings to himself, not wanting to bring her into his world. Not only that, but Alex was John’s best mate. He thought that maybe she’d have feelings for John, not him.

He remembered seeing Aunt Polly there. When did she arrive at Garrison? He had no clue, but by the look on her face, he knew that she had overheard and witnessed what had just happened. Polly didn’t say a word, only glared at him and pointed towards the pub door. Tommy sighed and stood up to follow Alex. Much to his dismay, his head was spinning. He didn’t know whether if it was from all the alcohol he’d consumed or if it was Alex’s confession of her love for him, or maybe even both. 

Once Tommy got through the pub door, he looked from side to side, hoping Alex didn’t get too far. He saw no sign of her. He didn’t know which way to go, until he heard a commotion down an alleyway next to the pub. Tommy stumbled down to have a closer look. The scene in front of him made him sober up a bit. There were three men around a drunk Alex. Touching her, harassing her, stepping closer to her each time she stepped back. She slurred for them to stay away, to leave her alone, but they kept on their actions.  
Tommy fixed his coat and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to look as sober as possible.

He walked as steady as possible towards the men, “What do we have here? Harassing a young girl, I see. And a young girl who just so happens to be a close friend to me and my brothers.” Tommy spoke, his speech only just a tiny bit slurred. Luckily, when the men turned to see that it was Tommy Shelby speaking to them, they were too busy cowering in fear to notice his slightly slurred speech.

They all quickly backed away from Alex, “We didn’t know she was with you, Mr. Shelby.” He said shakily.

Tommy narrowed his eyes as he stepped closer, “But if she wasn’t with me, it would’ve been okay?” He asked menacingly.

They all backed up as Tommy stepped closer, “N-No, sir. That’s not w-what I meant!” He stuttered.

Tommy gave them all a look over, memorizing their faces, “I want you men out of here. Out of my city. If I catch any of you in Birmingham, I’ll kill you myself,” He threatened them, “Now go. Get out of here.” He ordered.

The men scattered, running down the alleyway. Alex stood against the brick wall to keep from falling. Tommy quickly walked to her side, grabbing her arms to help her stand. Alex yanked her arms from him, making her lose her balance and falling on her rear. Tommy sighed and kneeled down to her level.

Alex had kept her gaze on the ground, silent tears falling from her cheeks. As Tommy watched the tears fall from her face, it was then that he knew he felt the same way for the fragile, innocent girl in front of him. He reached out to wipe the tears from her face. Alex had been too tired to care anymore. However, that changed when Tommy leaned in to kiss her lips softly.

Alex gasped lightly against his lips, then let her eyes close and leaned in to kiss Tommy back. Before Tommy knew it, he’d pulled her to her feet and pushed her up against the brick wall. Alex had wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, scratching lightly at the base of his neck. He pulled away just enough to murmur those three little words against her lips.

Tommy was shaken from his memory as Alex kissed the side of his neck, “Tommy, do you remember what happened?” She asked quietly.

Tommy cleared his throat, “After you walked out, I was frozen in shock. The most beautiful woman in Birmingham had just confessed her love to me.” He stated. Alex huffed under her breath. Tommy turned to her, “Don’t interrupt my memory, I didn’t interrupt yours.” He glared at her playfully.

Alex laughed lightly, “Fine. I’m sorry, please continue.” She replied as she rolled her eyes playfully.

Tommy smirked, “Good girl.” He said, laughing when it earned him a smack on the arm, “Okay, okay. After you left, I saw Polly there. She’d heard everything you said.” He told her. 

Alex groaned in embarrassment. Tommy chuckled, “She gave me the meanest death glare and signaled me to go after you. And I did. And when I did..” He trailed off.

Alex looked at him, her brows furrowed, “What? When you did.. What?” She questioned.

Tommy stared at her, “You really don’t remember?” He interrogated

Alex shook her head, “ I just remember walking into the alley to.. cry, and then.. We were kissing? After that, I’m drawing a blank.” She replied.

Tommy nodded slowly, “That did happen. After I saved you.” He responded.

Alex’s brow rose in question, “Saved me? What do you mean?” She asked quietly.

Tommy sighed, “When I followed you outside, I heard voices coming from the alley. I went to look and.. There were three men. They were around you..” He was remembering, trying to calm himself before he could get angry, “I got there before anything happened, but believe me when I say that they’re no longer welcome in my city.” Tommy explained. The look on Alex’s face told him that she was panicking, but was failing at trying to hide it. He leaned in and nuzzled his face into her neck, “I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you ever again.” Tommy murmured into her neck.

Alex bit her lip, “You promise?” She asked softly.

Tommy breathed her in deeply, “I promise, love. They’ll have to get through me first.” He answered.

Alex wrapped her arms around Tommy as best as she could, hugging him close to herself, “What happened after you saved me?” She questioned.

Tommy leaned back to look at Alex, “Well, after I saved you, you were still angry with me. I tried helping you stand, but you kept pushing me away. You were crying.. And you looked so fragile, so broken.. So innocent and beautiful. I had to kiss you.” Tommy spoke quietly. He left out the small details of those three little words he had murmured. 

Alex looked back at him shyly, “I don’t remember that happening.” She giggled a bit.

Tommy nodded slightly, “It did. That moment made me realize my feelings for you. I always wanted you for myself. I liked that you were always shy and nervous around me. You have this innocence that I crave. I’ve always felt something for you, but I thought you had feelings for John,” He stated. Alex looked at him, her brows furrowed in question. 

Tommy continued, “Every time you were alone with me, you were so quiet. You never said a word. Then John would come around and you’d rush off to talk to him. In a way, I was always jealous of the bond you had.. have with my brother.” He confessed.

Alex laughed slightly, “I was always so quiet because I didn’t want to say something foolish around you. I’d rush off to John so I could avoid doing so,” She replied, “And there’s no need to be jealous of my friendship with your brother because that’s all it is. A friendship.” She stated as she ran her wet fingers through Tommy’s hair, making it damp. Tommy sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned in closer to Alex’s touch. Alex smiled slightly and leaned in, kissing his temple gently, “We should wash up now or we’ll turn into prunes.” She joked lightly.

Tommy nodded slightly, “Just a few more minutes.” He replied quietly. Alex smiled a bit and nodded in return. She wrapped her arms around him once again tightly. Alex hoped that the moment could last forever. That the man in her arms would love her forever and never hurt her. That he’d protect her from anything that’d cause her harm. Little did she know, that would all change soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is a bit angsty, but bear with me. Also, there isn't much dialogue, at least not until the end of the chapter. And I want to thank my readers who leave constant feedback, if it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't continue posting chapters. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Tommy and Alex were happily in love. Or at least Alex was on her part. She’d tell Tommy that she loved him, and Tommy would only nod, but Alex knew of his feelings towards her. They’d walk down the streets hand in hand, not afraid to show their relationship to the people of Birmingham. They would do almost everything together. They’d shop for groceries together. They’d shop for clothes together. They’d go to the pub and have a couple of drinks, and only a couple. Tommy would even accompany Alex to church on Sundays, despite the boredom he endured.

All of that came to an abrupt stop a couple of weeks later. Tommy had suddenly began arriving home late at night. Alex would try waiting up for him, but failed and would fall asleep. It wasn’t until she found out that Tommy had some guns and ammo that didn’t belong to him. She found out that the new copper, Captain Campbell, was trying to find those guns.

Alex later discovered Tommy associating with Grace, Harry’s barmaid, well now Arthur’s barmaid since Tommy bought the Garrison for him. When Alex asked Tommy about it, he told her not to worry about it, that they were strictly business partners. Alex believed him at first and she felt stupid to do so. Tommy had given Grace money to buy herself a dress to go to a party that he hadn’t invited Alex to. When she asked him about that, Tommy told her that there were dangerous men there, and he didn’t want to risk taking her. Alex once again believed him.

It went on that way. Alex waiting up for Tommy to come home. He would set dates for them only to cancel because business would come up. Even when he didn’t cancel their plans, he’d be lost in his head, not paying any attention to Alex. As the weeks passed, they slowly drifted apart.

Alex was becoming more and more depressed unbeknownst to Tommy. Tommy was so concerned about the guns and the Shelby business, he didn’t know that Alex was unhappy. Instead of reassuring her that he still cared for her more than anything, Tommy would go out and discuss business plans with Grace. He didn’t want Grace the way he wanted Alex. He’d admit that Grace was attractive, but she couldn’t compare to his Alex. He was only using Grace as his pawn, flirting with her a bit here and there to keep her interested so she could help him further his business. He could never bring Alex into his dangerous plans. Tommy couldn’t risk Alex’s life.

There were nights when Alex caught Tommy and Grace together. They would only be talking. Like the night Tommy had to shoot the horse he had won from Johnny Dogs. He’d woken Alex up to tell her that he had to go see the horse. About an hour later, he still hadn’t returned home, so she decided to see what was keeping him. Alex walked the lonely streets, an umbrella in her hand to keep dry from the rain. She wasn’t afraid to walk alone, knowing no one would mess with Tommy Shelby’s girl.

When arriving at the stables, Tommy was nowhere to be seen. One of the workers told her that he’d gone to the Garrison. When arriving at Garrison, she heard singing. She peeked her head in through the doors to see Grace standing on a chair, singing a sad song and Tommy was seated a few feet in front of her, soaked to the bone, watching and listening. Since when had he allowed singing at the Garrison once again?

Alex didn’t know what to think. It wasn’t like they were fucking, but to Alex, this seemed almost more intimate. She didn’t bother walking into the pub. She went straight back home and crawled under her covers, shedding only a couple of tears and hoped she’d forget the scene she witnessed before morning. Alex cried herself to sleep, only to be woken up by Tommy’s arms wrapping around her. She could feel him running his fingers up and down her back through her nightgown. 

Alex looked up at him and he stared back at her. The first words to come out of Tommy’s mouth were an explanation of what had to happen to the horse. Alex couldn’t help but feel bad and cuddled back into his chest, trying to comfort him. She didn’t want to bring up what she’d witnessed at the pub, so she didn’t. She locked it away, along with her hurt feelings.

There was another time when Tommy arrived home late. His face was cut up and bruises were starting to form. Alex didn’t even ask. She was tired that day. She’d worked all day, helping Polly by running errands, to come to an empty house, much like any other day. Alex made a meal for one, because she’d been eating alone since it had all started. She didn’t want to know what happened to Tommy, didn’t want to know why his face was cut and bruised.

Tommy told her anyway. He told her that he had a meeting with two other men. A meeting that he knew was going to end with his death. Tommy told her that he’d given Grace a gun, and on his count, she’d come out with the gun and threaten them. He said that Grace didn’t mean to shoot, but she did. Which caused them all to rumble. Which explained the cuts all over his face.

Alex said nothing, only listened. She didn’t want to say anything. She just wanted to get his cuts disinfected, then go to her bedroom to sleep. Tommy noticed her silence. He asked her what was wrong and got a simple shrug in return. He was too tired to question further. Once his wounds were tended to, Alex washed her hands, then proceeded to make her way up the stairs. She could hear Tommy close behind her. She suddenly felt sick to have him that close to her.

Alex turned to Tommy, looking at anything but him and told him that she wanted to sleep alone. Tommy laughed, thinking she was joking, but he was the only one laughing. She told him that she suddenly felt ill and wished to sleep alone, and with that, she walked into one of his guest bedrooms, where she would sleep.

That night, Tommy went to sleep alone, or at least tried to without Alex. It was the first night in two months that he had his war nightmare. He could suddenly hear shovels against the wall again. And there he lay, wide awake and waiting for morning to come. When he finally got out of bed, it was nearly noon. Tommy went to check on Alex, only to find that she wasn’t in the guest bedroom, nor anywhere in the house. Tommy knew he needed to fix things with Alex, finally getting that he had been treating her wrongly. He knew that he shouldn’t have been keeping secrets from her. He especially shouldn’t have tried to entice Grace into working for him. However, he didn’t fix his priorities soon enough.

Instead, he spent his time getting to know Grace. The more he talked to her, the more Tommy noticed that there were things that weren’t true. Once he had his suspicions, he had some of his men do background work on her, to which he’d found out a few interesting details about her.

A couple of days later, Tommy took her to the town church. The church that he went to with Alex regularly, or at least he used to. He took a mental note that he’d attend with Alex on the following Sunday, no excuses. Even if they had to stay and mingle with the fellow congregation; something that Alex enjoyed to do, and that Tommy hated, but tolerated for Alex’s sake.

As Tommy and Grace entered the church, he noticed that Grace didn’t do the sign of the cross. Every Catholic did the sign of the cross when they entered the church, or at least Alex did. He knew because of Alex’s strictly catholic background. Once He and Grace sat in a spot, he began interviewing her, or rather, interrogating her, for a job he wanted to offer her. He told her that he knew she was lying about who she claimed to be, a Catholic. She confessed that she was a Protestant. Tommy continued, thankful that she was being somewhat honest.

Tommy offered her the job, and she accepted, but he could see in her eyes that she was still somewhat hesitant. He needed her to take this job and only knew one way to make her want it. By making it seem that he was interested in her. Tommy leaned in and kissed her lips gently, closing his eyes and picturing Alex in his head, but it wasn’t the same. Alex’s lips were much plumper, more soft and warm. Grace’s lips were a bit thin, cold, and chapped. It felt wrong to him, so wrong. He pulled away after hearing a small gasp. Thinking it was Grace, he stroked her cheek gently, keeping up with his facade.

Unbeknownst to Tommy, the gasp didn’t come from Grace, but from Alex. She’d gone to the church to light a candle for herself and Tommy. Alex wanted so desperately for their relationship to be fixed, so she’d decided to go to church and light a candle. Just like she did whenever she faced an obstacle that seemed impossible to overcome. When Alex walked in, she can hear the murmuring of voices. She could a see a man and a woman with blonde hair. Alex walked into the church a little and paused. She knew that voice. Tommy’s voice.

She couldn’t make out what they were talking about. Their voices were too low to hear. Alex didn’t want to risk walking any closer. She could see their heads turn every now and then to look at each other. It was when Tommy looked at her a little longer than needed, Alex had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She watched as Tommy leaned in to kiss the blonde barmaid.

Alex involuntarily gasped, her heart and breathing coming to a sudden stop. She watched as his lips lingered on Grace’s. When he pulled away to pet Grace’s cheek, she finally turned to rush out of the church and ran all the way home.

There, she collapsed onto their bed and sobbed. How could she have been so stupid to believe that the man she’d pined over for ten years would ever feel the same for her. It’d all been a lie. A waste of time. Alex felt stupid for even crying over Tommy, but she did.

Once gathering her wits, she began packing all of her belongings, only taking what she had originally brought when she first moved in. Alex didn’t want to take anything that Tommy had bought her. She didn’t want anything that would remind her of him. She just wanted to forget him.

Downstairs, she heard the door open and shut, then Tommy’s voice call out for her. The heavy feeling returned to the pit of her stomach. Alex moved faster to pack her things as she heard footsteps coming up the stairs and through the bedroom door.

“Alex? What are you doing, love?” Tommy questioned. Alex didn’t answer, only wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks and kept packing. Tommy walked closer and grabbed her wrist gently, only to have it yanked harshly from his grasp. Tommy furrowed his brows in confusion, “Love, what’s wrong?” He asked. Alex kept moving, kept packing, not making eye contact with Tommy.

Tommy sighed, “Alex, please, just stop for a moment and talk to me. Is this about me coming home late? I promise, it won’t happen again. Alex, come on.” He reached for her wrist again.

Alex quickly moved away, “Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare fucking touch me.” She snarled.

Tommy’s heart stopped. Never had he ever witnessed her so angry, much less curse at him. Alex never cursed. He watched her as she continued to pack, “What’s wrong? Tell me, talk to me.” He nearly begged.

Alex paused, finally breathing in deeply, trying to calm herself, then turned to Tommy, “You want to know what’s wrong?” She asked, her tone eerie. Tommy only nodded, afraid to speak. Alex took a step closer to him, “You. You’re what’s wrong. You’re so concerned about your business. About the racetracks and Kimber and those fucking guns and keeping them from Campbell. You’ve forgotten about me, Tommy. You don’t talk to me anymore. You’re hardly ever home, and when you are, it’s as if you’re not even here!” She ranted as she paced back and forth between him and their bed.

“All of that is going to change soon, Alex. I swear. Everything is going to fall into place and everything will be back to the way it was, only better.” Tommy tried explaining.

Alex laughed humorlessly, “No. Things won’t go back to the way they were Tommy. It will never be the same.” She denied, wiping her eyes.

Tommy sighed and tried reaching out for her once again, “Alex, please.” He begged slightly.

Alex moved away from him, “You kissed her,” She blurted out, “You fucking kissed Grace.” She nearly sobbed.

Tommy’s heart twinged, “What?” He whispered.

Alex laughed humorlessly once again, “Didn’t think I’d find out? I was there, Thomas. I went to the church to light a candle for you. For us. You were there with her. You were there and you fucking kissed her.” She cried.

Tommy didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say anything even if he wanted to. He was frozen in place as he watched the woman he cared for the most in the world cry because of him. Tommy looked away and cleared his throat, “I’m sorry.” He rasped.

Alex shook her head as she wiped her eyes, “I bet you are.” She laughed slightly. She walked back to her bag and zipped it up, then hauled it off the bed, “You promised me that you’d never let anyone hurt me. Little did I know, you’d be the one to hurt me.. Goodbye, Thomas.” Alex mumbled.

Tommy quickly reached out and grabbed her arm, “No, no you can’t leave. Just.. Wait. Give me a few minutes to explain, please.” He pleaded.

Alex pushed his hand away, “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. Just leave me alone. You had no problem in doing so these past couple of weeks,” She glared, “Give it up, Thomas. I already have.” She muttered.

Tommy quickly shook his head, “No, you don’t mean that.” He replied, taking a step closer to her.

Alex took a step back away from him and towards the door, “But I do mean it. I should’ve given up days ago, but I didn’t. I stayed by you, hoping things would get better and they didn’t. I don’t even..” She paused, taking in a shaky breath in, “I don’t even love you anymore..” She whispered.

Tommy’s heart fell to his stomach, “You don’t mean that..” He repeated.

Alex finally made eye contact him with, “I do.. The moment your lips touched hers was the moment that I suddenly felt nothing for you.” She replied, looking away.

It was Tommy’s turn to look away. He ruined it. There was no one else to blame but himself. His priorities weren’t in the right order, and now he’s lost the only woman who could ever love him for who he was. Tommy was once again lost in his head. Alex took the chance to finally make her way out of his home to God knows where. When Tommy looked up to try and explain his side of the story, Alex was gone.

Tommy heard the front door open, then slam shut. Tommy raced out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door. He caught up to Alex, who was already halfway down the street, and grabbed onto her arm tightly, “Where will you go?” He asked frantically.

Alex yanked her arm away from Tommy’s grasp, “Don’t touch me! Stop fucking touching me,” She shouted, “Don’t you get it, Tommy? I can’t be with you, much less be around you without feeling sick to my stomach. You played me just like you do with everyone else to get what you want. I stayed by your side, loving you and caring for you, while you were out there handling your business. Well, not anymore. I give up, Thomas.” She hissed as she turned to walk away.

“Well maybe if you hadn’t kept your legs closed so tightly shut, I wouldn’t have gone after Grace.” Tommy blurted out, wanting to hurt Alex as much as she was hurting him.

Alex paused, then turned and slapped Tommy hard against his cheek, “Fuck you, Tommy Shelby. I never want to see you again.” She replied emptily, then continued to make her way down the street. Tommy held a hand against his cheek, staring helplessly as her figure became smaller and smaller in distance.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this chapter doesn't really have much dialogue, not until the end. Sorry, but I hope everyone enjoys reading! Thanks again to my readers that leave comments! I really enjoy reading and replying to them.

Since the moment Alex walked away from Tommy, it all went downhill for him. First, he found out that Freddie had gotten his sister pregnant and married her without his permission. Ada kept her distance from Tommy, knowing that he didn’t approve of their situation. Second, the Lee’s finally got back at Tommy by setting a bomb in the family car, which nearly killed Finn. Tommy had no choice but try to end the feud by convincing John to marry one of the women of the Lee family. John soon after married Esme Lee. Things were good for a while, but only went more downhill afterwards. 

Kimber found out about the Shelby and Lee family alliance and called off the deal he had with Tommy. Kimber even went as far as wanting to kill Tommy and the rest of the Peaky Blinders. The only man who did die that day was Danny, Tommy’s good friend from the war. Tommy was then forced to kill Kimber himself, shooting him right between the eyes. After that, was the greatest downhill moment for Tommy.

Tommy found out that the woman he hired for his business, the woman that he trusted, the woman that the love of his life left because she thought that he’d had feelings for, was a spy for Campbell. He didn’t know what to think at first. He’d hoped that it was a lie, but it wasn’t. Grace had been a spy all along and was only close to Tommy for the sole reason of reporting back to Campbell of his secrets. He felt angry, betrayed, and stupid all rolled into one. Tommy lost Alex because he kept Grace around. He should’ve sent Grace away the moment he was suspicious of her, but he didn’t and instead pushed Alex further and further away from him.

Though Tommy was beyond angry, he didn’t kill Grace. Instead, he let Polly take care of her. How Polly got Grace to leave the city, and even the continent altogether was a mystery to him. He didn’t care enough to find out where she had gone. Didn’t care enough to read letters she had sent to him within the few months after she had gone. Tommy was back to where he started. Alone.

Two years later, Alex found herself living happily in London. Or at least trying to live happily. She lived in a nice, small home in the city, away from the Shelby brothers. The night that Alex left Tommy, she’d gone to her parents’ home. Her father was terrified and didn’t want anything to do with her, accusing her of sending the Peaky Blinders after him. She later found out that Tommy and sent John and Arthur after her father. Alex felt even more betrayed by the Shelby brothers. So not only did she move away from Tommy, but from Arthur and her best friend, John.

Though, Alex still talked to Polly. They’d sent letters to each other at least twice a month over the past two years. Alex would tell her about what it was like living in London. Sometimes she’d even ask how everyone was back in Birmingham. One letter Alex remembered vividly was when Polly had written that John had gotten married and was happy that his kids took a liking to his newlywed. Alex was grateful that her childhood friend had been able to find a wife to care for his children. She wanted to write him, but she still felt angry with him and Arthur. Polly wrote that everyone was happy, and then it all changed drastically.

In her next letter, Polly wrote about Tommy being betrayed by Grace. Alex cried for days after reading that letter. Her relationship with Tommy had been ruined over a sham. She wanted to feel smug about it, knowing that Tommy was probably hurting as much as she was, but she couldn’t. It hurt her to even think about it. That night, when Alex stood before him and declared that she fell out of love with him, she’d lied straight to his face. She still loved him. Alex did love him, even after he’d hurt her, but she wouldn’t dare admit it to him, much less, to herself. 

Polly sometimes asked Alex to come back, that Tommy was back to being his miserable and alone self, but Alex couldn’t find the courage to go back. She knew that the instant she’d look into those deep blue eyes, she wouldn’t be able to resist being his again. Alex would write back that it wouldn’t be the best idea.

Tommy would sometimes try to contact her. She’d receive a few letters in the mail from him every other month. Alex assumed that he’d gotten her address from one of her letters sent to Polly. She wasn’t strong enough to read his letters. Instead, they went straight to the fireplace.

So many thoughts were racing through her mind as she walked home after a long day of working at the Library. Though, Alex held her purse tightly against herself. If she learned anything from the Shelby’s, it’s to always keep yourself armed. Alex had a gun small enough to fit inside her purse. It was nights like these that she had wished that she never left Birmingham. Back home, no one dared to bother Alex, much less try to harass her when she walked alone. In London, however, there were always men who would try and grab at her, then run away when she’d pull out her gun.

Alex felt like she’d have to pull that stunt soon. She could hear footsteps behind her, trailing closer and closer to her. She tried opening her purse discreetly, then turned the corner. Alex grabbed the gun from her purse and quickly held it up, waiting for whoever was following her to turn the corner.

She could hear the footsteps quicken, sounding like they were trying to catch up to her. When the person finally turned the corner, Alex pointed the gun towards them. She could hear a sharp intake of breath, “Wait, Alexandra! It’s me, Ben!” The man yelped. Ben was one of the men that the Shelby brothers had recruited to the Peaky Blinders.

Alex could barely make out his features in the dim lightly of the street as she put her gun down, “Ben? What are you doing here? Why were you following me? I almost shot you!” She exclaimed.

Ben took off his cap and held it in front of him, “I’ve come to take you back to Birmingham..” He said.

Alex snorted and shook her head, “I’ve been gone nearly two years. There is no way in hell that I’m going back.” She replied.

“By order of the Peaky Blinders, I’m here to take you back.” He spoke formally.

Alex rolled her eyes, “Who asked you to bring me back? Tommy? You can send him my message. I’m not going back. Never will.” She crossed her arms.

Ben shook his head, “No, not Tommy. John asked me to.” He responded.

Alex couldn’t help but feel disappointed that it was John who had sent Ben, and not Tommy, “Well, send John the message then. I’ve worked a long day and my feet are aching, Ben, so goodnight. Have a safe trip back home.” She bidded, then turned to continue her way home.

“Tommy’s in the hospital, Alex. He may well be on his deathbed.” Ben blurted out.

Alex’s heart dropped to her stomach. She turned back slowly to face Ben, “What?” She whispered. Questions racing through her head. Did he get shot? Did he make new enemies? Was the feud between the Lee’s and the Shelby’s back on? Or had he began another feud with another family? Alex ran her fingers through her hair quickly and walked closer to Ben, “W-What happened?” She stuttered.

“There’s a man by the name of Darby Sabini. Tommy did something to upset him and Sabini’s men went after him. Beat him nearly to death. They were going to finish him off with a gun, but the coppers came and stopped them before they could. Campbell saved his life.” Ben explained, “When I left to come here, the doctors didn’t know if he was going to pull through. John wanted me to drive as fast I could here to come and take you back to Birmingham.” He said,

Alex felt as if all the air escaped from her lungs and found it hard to keep her breath, “I.. I need to go home and pack a few things.. And then we’ll go.” She finally muttered.

“Hop in the car, I’ll take you. It’ll be faster that way.” He said, pointing behind him. Alex saw the Shelby family car about a block away. Alex quickly made her way down towards the car, Ben right behind her, trying to keep up.

Once in the car, Alex gave Ben directions to her house. When she arrived to her house, she unlocked the door with shaky hands, then ran straight to her room, grabbed a bag and began throwing in different clothing, not caring what it was. Afterwards, she sat at her desk and quickly wrote out a note, writing where she would be for the next few days and how to contact her. When she finished, she grabbed the note and her bag. Alex rushed outside, almost forgetting to lock her door, and rushed over to her neighbor’s house and slipping the note under the door.

Alex hurried back to the car. Ben raised a brow, “Why did you slip a note under your neighbor’s door?” He asked, turning the car back on. Alex stayed quiet, not answering him.

The drive back felt unsettling to Alex. Ben had told her to try and get some sleep, but she couldn’t. Too many thoughts were racing through her head. Alex kept thinking that Tommy was already dead and that the last words she said to him were, ‘Fuck you, Tommy Shelby.’ Alex laughed slightly to herself as she felt tears spring to her eyes. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, sighing quietly. Alex didn’t even feel herself fall asleep, until she was shaken on the shoulder by Ben.

“Alexandra? Alex, we’re here.” Ben murmured to her.

Alex opened her eyes slowly, looking up at him, processing what he just said. She looked behind him to see the Birmingham hospital. Alex shot up in her seat, startling Ben. She jumped out of the car and raced into the hospital, leaving her belongings behind with Ben. Alex looked around, trying to find a nurse or a doctor to ask if Tommy was still alive or not.

Alex finally found a nurse that was walking out of a room. She rushed to her, “Excuse me, do you know where I can find Thomas Shelby’s room?” She asked, preparing herself for whatever answer she was going to receive.

The nurse looked down at her clipboard, then back up at Alex, “May I ask who you are?” She questioned.

“Um.. I-I uh. I’m-” Alex stuttered, then was interrupted by a man’s voice.

“She’s Alexandra Kingsley, I presume.” A man with a thick Irish accent answered for her. Alex turned her head to look over her shoulder. She saw a man in a suit, a bowler hat on his head, and a walking cane in his hand.

The man stuck out his hand that was free, “Major Campbell.” He introduced himself.

Alex took his hand and shook it slowly, “Alex Kingsley.” She replied quietly.

“Oh, Mr. John Shelby was expecting you, Ms. Kingsley. He and Mr. Arthur Shelby just left on a business call. They said that if you were to arrive, to call them right away.” She said as she made her way to the nurses’ desk.

Alex quickly followed, “No, please don’t. I’ve only come to see Tommy only for a minute. I’ll be gone as soon as I see that he’s okay. He is okay, right?” Alex asked.

The nurse nodded, “He is. The doctor said that he was nearly gone, but thankfully, he is stable,” She confirmed, “As for calling the Shelby’s. It’s what they asked of me, Ms. Kingsley.” 

Alex shook her head, “Please, I’ve only come to check on Tommy. I’ll be gone within ten minutes. If you call them and have them drive here, I’d be gone by the time they arrive. Do you think they’d be happy to have their time wasted?” She questioned, trying to scare the nurse.

Alex succeeded, the nurse looking suddenly nervous. The nurse nodded, “Okay, fine. I won’t. Let me show you to Mr. Thomas Shelby’s room.” She said, walking down the hall. Alex followed closely behind. She could hear a cane clicking on the ground behind her.

The nurse stopped at a door, waiting for Alex to walk into the room. When Alex did, she looked around to see no patients on any of the beds. John and Arthur must’ve asked them not to place any patients in the same room. At the very end of the room, there was a curtain covering a bed. Tommy’s bed. The nurse led her once again. Alex was mentally preparing herself as she followed her to Tommy.

The nurse peeked her head around the curtain, then turned to look at Alex, holding a finger to her lips, “He’s sleeping. The medicines really did a number on him.” She whispered. Alex nodded slowly. The nurse slowly and quietly slid the curtain open. Alex gasped, covering her mouth.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I have to say sorry that it's been a bit longer than usual for me to update my story! This past week has been a bit hectic for me. And second, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Lastly, thanks to those who keep reading, commenting, and leaving kudos!

Several cuts covered Tommy’s face, some still bleeding slightly. Tommy’s whole face was practically one whole bruise. His right eye was swollen shut, almost the size of a golf ball. Parts of his face, neck, shoulders, and chest were still covered in blood. His right arm was in a sling, whether or not if it was broken or just sprained, Alex had no idea. The tears sprang to Alex’s eyes again, this time, trailing down her cheeks as she let out a quiet sob.

Alex felt a hand placed on her shoulder, “I’ll leave you here with him.” The nurse whispered, then turned to walk out of the room, escorting Campbell out to give Alex a moment alone with Tommy.

Alex stood at the foot of the bed in front of Tommy. He looked horrible. He looked broken. Alex looked to the bedside table and saw a wash rag and a large bowl of water. She moved closer slowly, not wanting to make any noise to wake up Tommy. She grabbed the rag and dipped it into the cool water, then wrung out the excess water. Alex slowly lowered herself and sat gently next to Tommy. She began wiping at the dried blood on his face and neck.

Alex didn’t even know when she had begun whispering to herself, “Why do you always put yourself in these situations, Tommy? You always put yourself in the most dangerous positions. You could’ve died. You’re so stupid, so foolish.” She sniffled as she wiped the blood from his shoulders. She dipped the rag back into the water, once again wringing out the excess water, making it turn slightly red with Tommy’s blood.

When Alex turned back to Tommy to wipe more blood, she saw his eyes twitching, trying to open. Alex held her breath, waiting to see his bright blue eyes again for the first time in two years. When Tommy finally opened his eyes, Alex took notice that he could barely open his swollen eye. He groaned in pain when he tried to move.

Alex’s hand shot out to hold him down gently, “Don’t move you idiot. You’ll hurt yourself even more.” She ordered.

Tommy’s head slowly turned to the side. He grinned lazily, “Another dream of my love. The second one this month.” He said sluggishly, “Give us a kiss, love.” He snorted. The medicines were clearly getting to him.

If Tommy didn’t look so beaten and broken, Alex would’ve laughed. She was still incredibly angry with him, but seeing as Tommy was nearly beaten to death, she’d tolerate being in the same room with him. Alex sighed and continued to clean the blood off of him, “Go back to sleep. You’re speaking nonsense.” She replied.

Tommy shook his head slightly, “I missed you. Haven’t seen you in nearly a month. It was a good dream, my last one. You were in my arms again. Naked.” He chuckled slightly.

Alex couldn’t help but blush and want to hurt him at the same time. She shook her head and continued to clean the blood off of him. Tommy’s uninjured hand weakly grasped hers and brought it up to his face, wincing slightly when it made contact, “I miss you, Alex.” He murmured.

Alex’s heart twinged. She couldn’t make direct eye contact with Tommy, “I miss you too, Tommy.” She muttered, moving her hand from his face, only to be stopped by Tommy as he held on.

Tommy laughed slightly, wincing and hissing in pain, “You don’t have to lie to me, Alex. I know you don’t miss me. I know that you hate me. Hate what I am.” He mumbled.

Alex kept quiet. She didn’t know how to reply without having to lie just a little bit. He was right. She did hate him. Alex hated Tommy because she still loved him after two years of being apart from him. She hated that she can still love him after what he did to her, how he mistreated her before that. Alex’s thoughts were interrupted by Tommy’s groans of pain.

“It fucking hurts, Alex.” He grunted.

Alex frowned slightly, “I’ll call a nurse. She’ll get you more medicine, okay?” She said as she got up from beside him.

Tommy’s hand shot out and grabbed onto her arm, “Don’t leave me. Not again. Please.” He murmured through his grunts of pain, “I can take this pain. It’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart.” He slurred.

Alex sat down gently beside him, “Sleep, Tommy. The pain will go away, I promise.” She murmured.

Tommy looked at her through his droopy eyes, “Will you come back to me in another dream?” He murmured sleepily. Alex only nodded, her eyes filling up with tears once again. Tommy smiled sleepily and places his hand on her cheek, “Don’t cry, love. I’m not worth your tears.” He mumbled before closing his eyes and slowly dropping his hand back at his side.

It was suddenly all too much for Alex to handle. The weight from two years ago was on her chest once more. She sobbed quietly, covering her mouth to muffle the sound. Alex didn’t want to care. She didn’t want to care about how broken Tommy looked and sounded, but she did. Alex wanted to leave, felt like she needed to leave, but she couldn’t bring herself to move her feet and walk away from Tommy again.

So instead, Alex stayed seated right next to him, his hand carefully wrapped in hers as tears trailed down her face. She was startled when a handkerchief was placed on her lap. She looked up to see Major Campbell. Alex cleared her throat. She hadn’t heard him or his cane entering the room.

“I wanted to thank you, Mr. Campbell. Ben informed me that you and your men saved Tommy,” She muttered, taking the handkerchief from her lap and giving it back, not wanting to use it.

“It’s no problem. Keep it, Ms. Kingsley.” He smiled.

Alex narrowed her eyes. She can see something sinister hidden behind his smile. She carefully dropped Tommy’s hand onto her lap, then took Campbell’s, making him take back his handkerchief, “Why are you here? To see if Tommy was dead or alive? You can see that he’s alive and breathing, so why are you still here?” She asked, the words leaving her mouth before she could even think about what she was asking.

Major Campbell looked stunned, “I saved Mr. Shelby’s life, Ms. Kingsley. I could’ve left him to die if I wanted to.” He shot back.

Alex carefully moved Tommy’s hand from her lap and onto the bed, then stood to reach Campbell’s level, “You are a policeman. It is your job to help and save lives, no matter the circumstances. I remember who you are and I remember your little deal with Tommy. He gave you what you wanted so why are you still in his city?” She interrogated viciously.

“His city? Birmingham does not belon-” Campbell started to argue back, but was cut off by Alex.

“Yes, his city. Birmingham belongs to Tommy and will always belong to Tommy. It was his before you showed up, it was his city while you were here trying to find those guns, and it’s still his city now.” She hissed.

Campbell glared at Alex and took a step closer, “One more word out of you and I’ll-” Campbell started to threaten, but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“And you’ll what, you fucking copper?” The voice asked from across the room.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! Sorry if it's a little late, a new semester is coming up soon, so I've had to prepare. Plus, the Summer Olympics are back and I'm obsessed! Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this chapter. The feedback everyone leaves honestly makes my day every time!

“And you’ll what, you fucking copper?” A voice asked from across the room.

Alex turned to see Arthur rushing towards them, John right behind him, both with menacing looks on their faces. The nurse stood by the door with a guilty look on her face. Arthur approached Campbell, glaring at him, “You’ll what?” He growled again.

John reached out and held Arthur back, glaring at the cop as well, “I suggest you leave now, or I’ll let him loose.” He threatened.

“I’ve got business with Tommy.” Campbell replies, not so strongly as he did before with Alex.

“Then you can handle your business when he’s awaken, but as of right now, he’s all drugged up and speaking nonsense. You may come back again soon, Mr. Campbell.” Alex said in a calm tone.

Campbell scowls at Alex, then quickly takes it back when he hears Arthur growl again. He tips his hat, “I’ll return tomorrow then.” He muttered. Campbell started to limp his way towards the door as Alex calls out.

“Soon, but not that soon, Mr. Campbell.” Alex orders. Campbell paused slightly, then continued to make his way out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

The door slamming echoed in the room, waking Tommy with a scare. His eyes moved frantically across the room, breathing hard and rapid, as if he had just woken from one of his war nightmares. John and Arthur hurried to his side, leaving Alex at the foot of his bed once again.

“You’re alright, Tom. You remember where you are?” John asked.

“They’re coming to get us, Danny. They’re coming to get us.” He cried, struggling against the bed, wincing and groaning in pain.

John turned to look at Arthur and Alex helplessly. Arthur tried to hold Tommy down, only resulting in Tommy crying out in more pain. Alex quickly moved to join them at Tommy’s side and sat down on the bed next to him, then took his hand and brought it up to her face, “Tommy, Tommy it’s me, Alex. Shh, you’re okay, love. You’re home. You’re home with me, Tommy. The war is over, love. You’re okay.” She repeated herself, trying to calm him down.

Alex, John, and Arthur were relieved to see that it was working. Tommy’s breathing slowed down as it leveled out. Alex kissed his palm gently, bringing him back down to reality. Tommy’s gaze focused on Alex, “A-Alex?.. What are you doing here?” He asked as he looked at his brothers then back to her, “Are you real? Is this another dream?” He questioned.

Alex shook her head slightly, “This isn’t a dream. I’m here, Tommy.” She confirmed. She watched as Tommy’s eyebrows furrowed as he was trying to understand what was happening. His eyes once again glanced around the room, realizing that he was in a hospital room.

Tommy then looked down at his body and grimaced, “What the fuck happened to me?” He groaned in pain.

“Sabini did a number on you, mate. Put you in the hospital.” Arthur explained.

Tommy tried to sit up in his bed like he did before, only to have Alex to push him back down gently, “Stop trying to sit up, you’ll only hurt yourself more.” She mumbled to him.

Tommy winced slightly as he stared up at Alex, “You’re here..” He whispered.

Alex nodded slightly, “I’m here.” She replied.

Tommy looked down at his hand, which was still being held by Alex. When Alex finally realized that she was still holding onto Tommy’s hand, she tried to pull back. Tommy gripped onto her hand, “How are you here?” He asked quietly, looking at her.

It was Alex’s turn to stare down at their hands, “John sent Ben to London. He told me that you were in the hospital. That you were near.. That you nearly died. Tommy, how can you do this? Why do you always do this?” Alex began ranting, “It’s like you don’t care whether if you live or not. It’s like you want to die..” She trailed off, “Do you want to die, Tommy?” She asked quietly.

Tommy shrugged in response, making himself hiss in pain. Alex frowned and finally let go of his hand, standing from his bed. She looked to John and Arthur, who were both frowning as well. Tommy looked up at all three of them, “I don’t mind dying. I haven’t got much to live for.” He muttered. John scoffed under his breath and shook his head, taking a few steps away from Tommy’s side. Arthur on the other hand seemed a bit spaced out.

Alex had to refrain herself from smacking him over and over just like Polly would have, “You’ve got your family. Your business. You’ve got a lot to live for, Tommy.” She replied.

Tommy looked to his brothers, then back to Alex, “They’d all be better off without me.” He mumbled in response.

John stepped forward, “That’s not fucking tru-” He started to argue back, but was cut off by Alex.

“Who are you?” Alex asked suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Tommy questioned quietly.

“The Tommy I knew two years ago would never speak such words, much less think them. The Tommy I knew wouldn’t even be here lying in this hospital bed. No, the Tommy I knew was strong, brave, and smart. Now look at you. You’re weak. You’re scared. It’s pathetic,” Alex ranted.

“I’m pathetic? You’re the one who ran away from home like a poor, pitiful girl.” Tommy shot back.

“Tommy.” John said in a warning tone.

Alex shook her head, “He’s right. I don’t even know why I bothered coming. I should’ve stayed in London to continue living in ignorant bliss.” She said, finally looking away from Tommy and turning her gaze towards John and Arthur, “I’d like to go back to London now. Is Ben still outside?” She asked.

Arthur sighed, “Ignore the idiot, sweetheart. He’s still thinking nonsense with the drugs and such.” He replied.

Alex can hear Tommy chuckle slightly through his nose. Alex turned to look at him. He was now staring up at the ceiling, “Why did you bother coming? If you hate me so much. If you’re so disgusted with me, why are you here?” Tommy interrogated, still staring at the ceiling.

Alex laughed humorlessly and shook her head, “I don’t hate you, you fucking idiot.” She cursed. Alex wasn’t one to curse. She hadn’t cursed since the day she left Tommy. She watched Tommy turn his head to look at her. Alex took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, “I still love you, Tommy. After what you’ve done to me. After two years, I still fucking love you.” She confessed, “I came here because I was afraid. Ben told me you were on your deathbed. I came because I needed to tell you that I still love you. Because I thought you were going to die. Because I didn’t want ‘Fuck you, Tommy Shelby’ to be my last words to you.” She finished, her voice cracking slightly.

Tommy stared at Alex, his lips parted, but no words coming out. He finally reached out for Alex’s hand, pulling gently. Alex slowly moved forwards and sat next to him. Tommy pulled on her hand once again, then patted his chest lightly, careful not to hurt himself, “Come here, Alex.” He murmured.

Alex shook her head quickly, “No, you’re hurt. I don’t want to hurt you any further.” She declined.

Tommy laughed weakly, “You’re my cure remember? You won’t hurt me, you’ll heal me. Please, lay with me.” He pleaded.

Alex bit her lip, then slowly lowered herself to lay down beside him. She laid on her side, propped up on her elbow, and a hand gently resting on Tommy’s chest. Tommy moved to rest his hand on hers, but groaned and winced in pain. Alex frowned slightly, “Well, stop moving, Thomas. Then you won’t be in so much pain.” She scolded him.

Tommy laughed slightly, “Can’t help it, love. I missed your touch. I dreamed of this moment for the past two fucking years. I’m still thinking it’s all the medicine they have me on. It’s too good to be true.” He explained.

Alex smiled a bit, “Well, it’s true, Tommy. And you have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.” She half joked.

“You’ve got some explaining to do as well, sweetheart. Why the fuck haven’t you sent us any letters?” Arthur cut in.

Alex looked from Tommy’s eyes to Arthur’s and John’s burning gaze. They looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to answer. Alex glared slightly, “Are you really asking that?” She replied. They nodded, still waiting for her answer. Alex moved to sit up, only to be stopped by Tommy, keeping her by his side. Alex sighed, “You two hurt my father. And I’m guessing it was by your orders.” Alex accused Tommy.

Tommy closed his eyes, “You asked me not to hurt him. You never said anything about John or Arthur hurting him.” He responded, his voice sounding drowsier by the second.

Alex frowned once more, “I didn’t want anyone to hurt him, Tommy.” She shot back.

“You should’ve specified, love.” He murmured. Alex scowled at him, and as if Tommy could feel her scowl, he mumbled, “You can punish me later, Alex. When I’m all better and healed up.” He teased.

Alex sighed and shook her head, looking back at John and Arthur. They both wore guilty looks, “We’re sorry, Alex. However, we don’t regret it. No one hurts our family. Not even their own family.” John spoke up. Alex smiled a bit, then stood up, earning a grumble from Tommy. She stepped forward and hugged John tightly.

John hugged back just as tight, “I missed you, Alex. I missed my best friend.” He whispered.

Alex laughed slightly, “I missed my best friend too. So if you’ll let me go, I can hug him now.” She joked, referring to Arthur. John scoffed and ruffled her hair a bit. Alex laughed more and buried her face into John’s shoulder, “I’m joking, John. I missed you too.” She mumbled into his shoulder.

“Alright, it’s my turn, John. Get the fuck off her.” Arthur said, pushing him off Alex. She grinned and threw her arms around Arthur. He laughed and hugged her just as tight as John did, “We missed having you around, Sweetheart. Missed that smile that brightened up this dark city.” He uttered, “Tommy was fucking miserable without it. Without you.” He explained. Alex pulled away from Arthur’s embrace to look at Tommy, only to find him sleeping. She looked back at Arthur and John.

“What happened? Why did Sabini do this to him?” She asked.

John and Arthur looked away, both of them avoiding eye contact. Alex frowned and asked again. John sighed, “We want to start an expansion for the company. Tommy wanted to start it in London.. I’m guessing he wanted to find you that way. We crossed lines with Sabini. Lines that shouldn’t have been crossed. Sabini and his men jumped him for that reason.” John explained.

Alex sighed and looked between them and Tommy, “You Shelby men can never keep out of trouble.” She mumbled.

Arthur shrugged, “It’s our business, sweetheart.” He responded.

Alex kept her gaze on Tommy, “Yeah, I know.” She whispered.

John sighed, “Speaking of business. We were going to go do some business of our own. Do you mind waiting here with him alone, Alex?” He asked.

Alex shook her head, “No, I don’t mind. Go on, I’ll keep Tommy company.” She replied, looking at them.

John and Arthur nodded and both gave Alex a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “We’ll be back once business is taken care of.” John said as he walked out of the hospital room.

“Be careful, you two!” She called out after them.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Arthur called back, waving his hand as he followed John out the door.

Alex laughed quietly and shook her head, then turned her gaze back to Tommy. He was still sound asleep. She sighed tiredly and moved back to lay down next to him. Tommy’s hand instantly found hers and held onto it while he slept.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back! I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I was caught up in the excitement of the Olympics and now they're over. Though, a new semester has started, so updates might stay like this. I hope everyone can understand! I also want to thank those who leave constant feedback, I love reading every single comment! Since it's been a while since my last update, and might take another while for my next update, this chapter is longer than usual. Enjoy!
> 
> Oh, and P.S. I really hate when writers tend to copy the tv show line for line and just add a bit of their own lines, but in this chapter, I felt like copying just these two scenes would help with the flow of the story. I only used these two scenes, and I don't think I'll be using anymore for the rest of the story.

Alex watched over Tommy and took care of his every need. If Tommy needed help sitting up when he got tired of lying down, she would help scoot him up carefully against the rails of his bed, fluffing his pillows while doing so. If Tommy needed help getting up to use the restroom, she’d wrap one arm around his waist and another around his uninjured arm, then walked him slowly towards the bathroom. When Tommy grew a fever, Alex would cool him down with a cold and wet washcloth.

The more Alex took care of Tommy, the more he felt guilty for treating her poorly two years ago. The more he regretted ever pretending he had feelings for Grace so she’d continue working for him. After three days, he told Alex to go home and get some rest.

“Tommy, I’m not leaving you here on your own. You’ve just barely started to heal.” Alex argued.

Tommy sighed, “I’ll be fine, Alex. I can move on my own now. If I need help getting up to have a piss, I’ll call one of the nurses. Go home for the evening. Sleep on a real bed instead of having to share this one with me.” He told her.

Alex bit her lip, “I don’t want to leave you. Not when you’re like this.” She mumbled.

Tommy grabbed her hand and stroked it gently with his thumb, “I’ll be alright, Alex. Go home for the evening. Wash up. Eat a proper meal. Sleep in my bed. Then come morning, you can come back feeling refreshed.” He ordered.

Alex nodded slightly, “Fine, but I’ll be back at the crack of dawn, okay?” 

Tommy nodded, “Okay. Just have a proper rest.” He replied, looking up at her.

Alex stared back into his deep, blue eyes. The swelling in his eye had gone down just a tiny bit, letting his lids open slightly. She then looked down towards his lips. One side of his lip had been cut open, leaving a scab. Alex moved her gaze from his lips, up to his eyes, then back down. She hadn’t kissed him. Not at all since she’d been back. They hadn’t even discussed where their relationship stood.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, love.” Tommy murmured.

Alex quickly snapped out of her trance and nodded, “Yes. Tomorrow morning,” She mumbled, “Goodbye, Tommy.” She bidded quickly before grabbing her belongings and bolting for the door. Tommy stared after her with a small smile once his face.

When Alex got to Tommy’s home, she did what Tommy asked of her. She cooked herself a proper meal, instead of eating whatever Tommy left of his food back in the hospital. She then ran herself a nice, warm and bubbly bath, relaxing and almost falling asleep in the tub. Afterwards, she settled herself into Tommy’s bed, snuggling into his sheets and pillows. Tommy’s scent relaxing and easing her into a deep sleep.

The next morning, when Alex woke, she had woken up two hours later than she wanted to. She got ready as quickly as she could and headed straight for the hospital. When Alex got to Tommy’s hospital room, she could already smell the cigarette smoke coming from his room. She sighed and shook her head, getting ready to scold him, when she heard another man’s voice.

“You’ve been under my microscope for some weeks now. I’ve been observing every move you make.” She heard an irish accent. Alex identified it as Major Campbell’s voice. Alex slowly and quietly opened the door, sneaking in and hiding behind a cabinet. Campbell continued, “And that is why I was on hand to save your life.” He finished.

“I imagine being shot by a woman hurts the same as being shot by a man. Just a bit more shameful.” Tommy paused to puff on his cigarette, “You know, Mr. Campbell, when I got shot, they gave me a medal. Yeah. No medal for you, I bet.” Tommy teased in an intimidating tone.

Alex had no time to be confused by what he meant when he said a woman, the sound of a cane banging the stone floor startling her. She could hear footsteps and Campbell, “Mr. Shelby, our reunion is part of a very carefully worked out plan,” He replied. Alex peeked over to see him take Tommy’s cigarette and throw it on the ground, “Which has been in place for some time now.” He said, leaning over Tommy.

“Every time you lean on that stick, I bet you see her face.” Tommy continued.

“And as a result of the information in my possession, I can charge you with murder at any time,,” Campbell jabbed his finger into Tommy’s chest making Tommy groan in pain, “and provide two impeccable crown witnesses whose testimony will lead you directly to the gallows.” He snarled, grabbing Tommy by his throat. Tommy gasped in pain, while Alex gasped quietly in surprise and outrage. Campbell continued, “You are on my hook, Mr. Shelby. And from this moment forward, you belong to me.” He said menacingly, lifting up Tommy by his throat.

Alex had finally seen enough and stepped out from behind the cabinet, “That is enough!” She shouted. Campbell released Tommy in surprise. Tommy fell back onto his bed, panting and gasping for air. Alex marched forwards and stood in between Tommy and Campbell. She glared up at him, “This is the business you came for? To hurt Tommy?” She questioned, stepping forward.

“This is between Mr. Shelby and I, Ms. Kingsley. I advise you not to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.” He replied, taking a step forward as well.

Alex stood her ground, “I don’t care what it has to do with, I won’t allow you walking in here and hurting Tommy any further.” She argued.

Campbell took an even closer step, finally making Alex feel uncomfortable, though she wouldn’t dare show it. Campbell leaned in, “This Shelby is too broken to protect you, The other Shelby brothers aren’t here to protect you either. I’d watch your tone when speaking to me.” He barked.

“Touch her and I swear you’ll regret it, Campbell. Don’t you dare threaten her again.” Tommy spoke, his breathing still uneven.

Alex kept her glare on him, “I’d leave now before his brothers show up, Mr. Campbell.” She threatened, jabbing her finger into his chest just as he had done to Tommy. Campbell glared back at her before turning on his heel and limping out of his room. Alex made sure he was completely out of sight before turning her attention to Tommy.

He was leaning up against the railing of his bed, still groaning in pain. Alex hurried to his side and tried to tend to him, only to be waved off, “We’ve got to go. I’ve got to get out of here.” He said, his voice strained.

Alex frowned, “Are you mad? Tommy, you’re still severely wounded, you can’t just leave now.” She argued, trying to make him lay back down.

“Alex, get me my clothes and shoes.” He ordered.

She shook her head, “Tommy, no. You have to stay here, where there’s medicine and doctors. Please.” She pleaded.

Tommy gave her a hard look, “Are you going to get me my clothes or will I have to do it myself?” He nearly growled. Alex’s eyes widened as she took a step back and then another. Tommy sighed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I just don’t want to be in here anymore, Alex. I’ve healed enough to leave.” He tried to explain himself.

Alex said nothing. Instead she went to get him his clothes and shoes. She helped him get dressed without a word uttered from her lips. When Tommy stood up and towered over her, he placed his uninjured hand to cup her cheek, then stroked gently with his thumb, “I just want leave and rest somewhere that doesn’t reek of death. I’m sorry I took my anger out on you.” He murmured. Alex nodded wordlessly. Tommy then grabbed her hand and brought it up to cup his face, wincing slightly in pain, “Don’t be upset with me?” He mumbled.

Alex shook her head, “I’m not upset. I’m just concerned for your health, Tommy.” She mumbled back, stroking his cheek as gently as she could.

Tommy chuckled a bit, still hurting from Campbell’s pitiful attempt to threaten him, “I’ll be fine, Alex. I’m still alive, aren’t I?” He joked slightly.

“Just barely.” Alex scoffed.

Tommy smiled a little, “I’ll be fine as long as you stay by my side.” He murmured.

Alex paused for a second to study Tommy’s face. Bruises were still visible on his face. The cuts on his lips, cheek, chin, and forehead had just started to scab over. Alex then stared into his eyes. She wanted to kiss him so badly, but her memories of what happened two years ago kept swimming through her mind. She quickly snapped out of it, “Fine, let’s get you home then.” She mumbled.

Alex turned to gather the rest of Tommy’s belongings, only to be turned back by Tommy, “This is the second time you’ve done that.” He whispered.

She looked away to continue to gather Tommy’s things, “I don’t know what you mean.” She avoided.

“You want to kiss me.” He replied bluntly.

Alex winced slightly, “Yeah. That may be true.” She replied quietly.

“But what I did to you. How I hurt you. That’s what’s stopping you.” Tommy continued, wincing as he tried to take a couple of steps on his own.

Alex cleared her throat and turned to Tommy once she gathered all of his belongings in his bag, “Are you ready to go then?” She asked, trying to change the subject.

Tommy finally stood in front of her, trying to keeps his gasping from pain to a minimum, “I’m sorry for what I did. There are no good excuses for how I hurt you. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you being here, caring for me, but most of all, I don’t deserve your love.” He looked down, pausing for a moment, “What we had was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I threw it all away.” Tommy shook his head, laughing at himself quietly, “I knew I was fucking up. I knew it, but I couldn’t stop myself for my own selfish reasons. I’m sorry.” He murmured.

Alex stood there, watching him as he winced and held his ribs. Too many thoughts were racing through her head. Can she forgive him? If she did, would he hurt her again? Or would he try his best to keep her safe this time, not only from enemies, but from himself? Her thoughts were interrupted by a groan of pain from Tommy. She stepped closer to him, carefully wrapping an arm around his waist, “Come on, let’s get you home.” She mumbled.

Tommy shook his head, “No, I can’t go back there. They’ll know where to find me. Sabini will send his men to finish me off. Worse, they’ll hurt my family maybe. Can’t go back there.” He muttered.

Alex sighed, “Then we’ll go to my home in London. I’ll have John ask one of your men to take us in your family car.” She replied as she helped Tommy out of the hospital room and down the hall where she would discharge Tommy. Once again, Tommy shook his head. Alex sighed exasperatingly, “What now?” She asked.

“Sabini will have men patrolling the borders. Make sure I don’t leave Birmingham. We’ll have to go by boat. We’ll borrow one of Charlie’s boats.” He grounded out, each step agonizing.

“And how do you suggest we get there? Walking?” Alex asked, walking at Tommy’s pace. Tommy didn’t answer. Alex then stopped walking, “Tommy, you’ll only make yourself hurt worse. We need a car.” She stated.

Tommy continued to walk, “We can walk, just not too fast.” He replied.

Alex shook her head and walked alongside of him, stopping a few moments at a time when Tommy needed to catch his breath. She remembered the conversation Tommy had with Campbell just moments ago. Saying something about being shot by a woman. She turned to Tommy, watching as little drops of perspiration appeared on his forehead, “Tommy?” She asked quietly, which only earned her a grunt in response. Alex reached out to wipe his brow with her sleeve, “Earlier, you told Campbell something about getting shot by a woman. Do you know who she was?” She asked quietly.

Tommy paused for a moment to catch his breath before nodding slightly, “Yes. I do.” He replied, panting.

Alex never looked away from him, “Who was she?” She interrogated, almost afraid to know the answer.

Tommy licked his dry lips before turning to glance at Alex, “It was Grace.” He answered.

Alex tensed up before looking away. She wanted to know why Campbell was shot by Grace, though again, she was afraid of the answer. Instead, she just held onto Tommy, steadying him with each step he took. Tommy never took his gaze off of her, “He fell in love with her. Wanted to marry her. She didn’t. He found out that she’d been working for me, so he pulled a gun on her. She was faster. Pulled a gun on him and shot him.” He panted.

Alex simply nodded in reply, not wanting to hear more. Of course Grace didn’t want to marry Campbell. Not when she had Tommy. If the Shelby’s never found out about her being a double agent, Tommy would’ve probably married her. Alex was so grateful when she had learned that Polly was the one to run Grace out of Birmingham. The feeling sunk when she figured that Tommy probably asked her to do so, probably because he loved Grace too much to do it himself.

Tommy watched Alex as she stared at the ground in though. He could practically hear the gears turning in her head. He wanted to tell that he only used Grace to help his business, that he never felt anything for the woman. However, he knew that if he told Alex the truth, that he’d only pretended to have feelings for the Irish woman, only to have it backfire on him when he found out he was being spied on, that Alex would be angrier than she was on the day she left. Their whole relationship was ruined over something that wasn’t real. So, Tommy decided to keep it to himself.

It was almost an hour later when they finally arrived at his uncle’s boatyard. Alex could hear Charlie’s and Curly’s whispers of panic, “Hey, who goes there?” Charlie called, getting his gun ready.

Alex helped Tommy, his legs already giving out, “Don’t shoot, Charlie. It’s me and Tommy.” She called back, struggling to keep Tommy on his feet. Curly rushed forward and helped her get Tommy seated on a chair.

“Alex? Tommy?” Charlie asked as he put away his gun.

“Curly, get that oil you put on their legs when they go lame.” Tommy ordered.

“They said you’d be in the hospital for another three weeks.” Charlie stated.

“I need to get on a boat to London. Tonight.” Tommy ignored Charlie’s statement.

“You had Alex discharge you?” Charlie asked, glancing at Alex. Alex could only give him a look of guilt as she shrugged her shoulders slightly.

“I’m a fucking sitting duck in there, Charlie. Sabini could send a man in at any time. I need to get some things done.” He breathed out.

Alex frowned and was about to ask Tommy what things when Charlie reached out and touched Tommy’s cheek with the back of his hand, “You’re burning up.” He commented.

Alex’s eyes widened slightly as she moved forward to touch Tommy’s cheeks, then his forehead, “Why do I always have to listen to you? We should’ve stayed in the hospital.” She scolded him, “Wait here, I’m going to go down to the pharmacy, get some medicine for the trip.” Alex stated. Tommy only waved his hand. She looked at Charlie, “Don’t let him leave without me.” She told him, giving him a pointed look.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweet. Go on, I’ll watch him for now.” He replied just as Curly came up with what Tommy had asked for.

“Tommy, just wait. I’ll be back with medicine that’s actually meant for humans.” Alex tried to convince him.

Tommy groaned, “I’ll use this for now. Hurry back, love.” He winced.

Alex nodded and took off running towards the pharmacy they had passed by on their way towards the boatyard. She bought creams for his cuts, some aspirin for his fever and pain, as well as some food for their journey. As she ran back towards the boatyard, she half expected to see Tommy gone, thinking that he’d convinced Charlie to let him go on his own. The thoughts immediately escaped her when she saw Tommy being helped onto the boat by Curly and Charlie.

“Just in time, Alex. You watch over him, yeah? He’s still got a long road of recovery.” Charlie stated as he stepped off of the boat and helped Alex onto it.

“I’ll try my best. Can you let John and Arthur know that he’ll be staying with me?” She asked as Curly prepared to sail off.

“I’ll let them know tomorrow morning. Godspeed.” He called out and waved.

Alex turned to Curly, “Thank you for taking us to London, Curly. Shout if you need anything, okay?” She stated as she leaned in and pecked his cheek.

Curly grinned, “Aww, it’s nothing, Ms. Alex. You shout as well if you need help.” He replied.

Alex smiled in return and nodded as she made her way down the small set of stairs towards the lower deck of the boat. Tommy was lying down on a small bed on his side, covered in sweat and shivering. Alex looked around for a piece of cloth or anything, but unluckily found nothing. She sighed and reach down towards the bottom of her dress and ripped off the end. She grabbed a bucket from the corner of the little room, making sure it was clean before pouring in some of the water she had gotten from the pharmacy.

“I’m fucking c-cold, Alex. H-Hope you brought a b-blanket.” Tommy shivered.

Alex shook her head, “You’re running a fever, Tommy. You don’t need a blanket. You need to get this coat off.” She replied, reaching out and trying to unbutton his coat. She was only able to get a few unbutton before Tommy reached out to stop her.

“I’m fucking freezing.” He whispered.

Alex bit her lip in worry, “Okay, fine. Can you at least sit up to take these?” She asked, taking out some aspirin.

Tommy sat up slightly, groaning. Alex quickly placed the pills in his hand, then gave him a cup of water. Once he was finished, he lied back down, continuing to shiver. Alex grabbed the cloth she ripped from her dress and dipped it into the water. She leaned forward to dab it against Tommy’s hot and sweat covered skin.  
Tommy sighed in relief, enjoying the cool feeling of the cloth. He stared up at Alex as she dabbed the cloth against his forehead, “Do you forgive me, Alex?” He whispered.

“Now is not the time, Tommy.” She replied.

Tommy closed his eyes, “Answer me, please. I.. I might not make this trip, love.” He mumbled.

Alex paused, looking down at Tommy, “Don’t talk like that, Thomas. You just need to rest. Get some sleep.” She replied, trying to avoid the subject once again.

Tommy reached out and placed his hand on her cheek, stroking weakly, “Answer me, please..” He murmured.

“Yes, I forgive you.. Now, please. Just rest, okay?” She replied, her voice shaky.

“I wanted to marry you. Have kids with you. Grow old with you. I fucked it all up.” He slurred.

Alex’s body tensed up slightly, “Stop talking like you’re going to die, Tommy. You’re not going to die, I wouldn’t have it.” Her voice was even more shaky.

Tommy smiled slightly, dropping his hand back down to his side, “We would’ve been married with kids by now.” He sighed.

“We can still get married.” Alex blurted out, making Tommy glance at her drowsily. She bit her lip, “You just need to stay with me. You need to stay strong. For me.” She murmured.

Tommy held onto her hand as she pressed the cloth against his neck, “You promise?” He whispered.

Alex nodded slightly, “I promise. Just.. Rest. You need to get some sleep.” She replied, wiping down the sweat from his neck. Tommy simply nodded and closed his eyes again. After a while, his breathing slowed down, signaling that he’d finally gone to sleep. Alex dipped the cloth into the water one last time before placing it onto Tommy’s forehead.

The first two days were tough. Tommy’s fever would come and go, making him shiver uncontrollably. By the third day, it finally broke. By then, Tommy had gotten his appetite back, so she made him and Curly some soup. She’d made just enough for them both, leaving just a bit of broth for herself. Though, Tommy wasn’t too happy with that and shared his portion with her.

Alex was in the middle of cleaning Tommy’s wounds, changing the bandages. She could feel his burning gaze on her face. He cleared his throat, “I was thinking a lovely spring wedding. Spring was always your favorite season.” He murmured, his voice still a bit raspy.

“The swelling has gone down on your eye, and these cuts are starting to scab over. That’s good.” Alex stated, avoiding Tommy’s previous comment completely.

“Spring is in three months. Enough time for all of this to blow over. We can get married by Jeremiah in his church. “ Tommy continued.

Alex wanted to stop herself, but the words slipped through her lips, “Where you kissed Grace?” She looked at him.

Tommy grimaced slightly, “So, we’ll pick a different church. One where.. We can go to church every Sunday after we’re married. Where we’ll baptize our children and all those other sacraments.” He replied.

Alex sighed, “Tommy, I-” She started to say, before being interrupted by him.

“Think about it at least.” He suggested.

Alex had thought about it. Ever since she was a little girl, she’d dream of what it would be like to be married to Tommy Shelby. What it would be like to live in a house with him, having a family with him. How her favorite holidays would be like spending them with him. Alex had gotten lost in thought before Tommy pulled her back to reality.

“Alex?” He murmured.

Alex blinked and looked back at him, before looking away to put away the medicines, “I’ll think about it.” She mumbled.

The next day they arrived in London. Curly offered to help take Tommy to her home, but Alex declined, telling him he’d already done more than enough for them. Instead, Alex hailed a taxi to take her and Tommy to her home.

When they arrived to her home, Tommy’s first words were, “This place is shit.” As he looked around her small home.

Alex rolled her eyes, “Thanks, Tommy. Means a lot.” She retorted as she fixed up the couch for him to sit on. Once Tommy was settled in, she made sure he was comfortable before telling him she was going to run over to the neighbor’s house for a minute.

“Why do you need to go to your neighbor’s house? Is there a man living there? Have you been seeing him?” Tommy interrogated.

Alex resisted the urge to roll her eyes again, “No. My neighbor is an older woman. And she’s married, just in case you think I’m having an affair with a woman.” She replied.

“Being married doesn’t stop people from having affairs.” He countered.

“Tommy.” Alex sighed tiredly.

“Alright, I’m sorry. Go ahead, I’ll just.. Wait here for you.” He muttered.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Alex stated as she leaned over to cover him with a blanket that covered her couch. Tommy hummed contently as he locked eyes with her. Alex stared back, taking notice that Tommy’s bright blue iris was still rimmed with a red splotch. She frowned slightly, “Should we go to the town doctor to see if he can do something about your eye?” She murmured. Tommy simply shook his head as he closed his eyes. Alex sighed, then leaned down to kiss over his closed eyelid softly.

She could hear a slight chuckle as she opened her front door and closed it behind her. Alex bit her lip and hurried over to her neighbor’s house. She knocked on the door, waiting for it to open, wringing her hands nervously. Alex peaked over towards her house, to make sure Tommy wasn’t peeking through her window. She was startled when the door opened.

“Alexandra, you’re back.” The woman smiled.

“Hello, Mrs. Mirley, and yes I am. I’m terribly sorry for just.. Leaving like I did. Like I said in my note, there was an emergency back in Birmingham that I had to go and.. Deal with. And I would’ve come back sooner, but the emergency escalated just a bit.” Alex explained herself.

“It’s quite alright, I was just worried that maybe something might’ve happened to you. I would’ve called, but the telephone is messing up again and George hasn’t gotten around to looking at it, yet.” Mrs. Mirley replied, opening the door for Alex to walk in, “He’s missed you terribly, you know.” She commented as she walked back into the hallway.

“George, or..?” Alex began to question.

“Oh, no, not George. Though he did begin to question when you were going to come back.” Mrs. Mirley laughed. She opened the door in front of her quietly, poking her head in, then looked back at Alex, “Look who’s awake.” She smiled. Alex walked closer behind Mrs. Mirley, poking her head in as well. There was an instant smile on her face.

“Mama!” She heard his little voice cry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been a while. I'm in almost a month into the semester and I've already been swamped with homework, essays, and exams. So, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos!

Alex hurried over to the toddler who was holding up his arms, “Hello, baby. Did you miss me?” She cooed, picking him up and cradling him against her. The boy wrapped his little arms tightly around her neck and snuggled against her. Alex pressed kisses all over his little face, making him giggle. Hearing his giggle again made her heart melt.

“I told you he missed you.” Mrs. Mirley pointed out.

“Thank you so much for watching him these past couple of days Mrs. Mirley. I’ll pay you extra this week.” Alex promised.

Mrs. Mirley shook her head, “It’s no trouble, Alexandra. This baby is a saint. He’s no trouble at all.” She waved her hand.

Alex bit her lip, “I know I’ve just returned, but do you mind watching him for just a little while longer? I’ve um.. I’ve got his father over in my home right now.” She stated.

Mrs. Mirley’s eyebrows raised in surprise, “He is? And.. Are you going to tell him that he’s a father?” She asked.

Alex sighed shakily, “I’m planning to. I just need to figure out a way to.. Tell him.” She replied, kissing the side of her baby’s head, “Mommy’s got to go now. Again, but I promise, I’ll be back later to come get you.. Once your father knows of your existence. I love you.” She cooed, before handing him off to Mrs. Mirley.

Her baby began to fuss in Mrs. Mirley’s arms, making Alex’s heart break. Mrs. Mirley rocked him back and forth, “Go on, dear. I’ve got him.” She smiled.

Alex nodded, “I’ll try to be back within the hour. Thank you again, so much, Mrs. Mirley..” She smiled in return, then placed a quick kiss to her son’s forehead, before walking out of the room, down the hall, and out the front door.

She spent a moment at her front door, trying to come up with the right way to tell Tommy. To tell him that he’d gotten her pregnant the one and only time they had sex. That she’d found out when she settled in London. That she had raised their son on her own, with the help of Mr. and Mrs. Mirley, for two years.

When Alex was ready, she took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, then opened the door and shut it quietly behind her. She walked over towards Tommy, only to find him softly snoring. Alex sat down on the floor next to him, resting her head against the cushion of the couch. She watched as Tommy’s eyebrows furrowed, his breathing becoming fast.

Alex bit her lip, already knowing what he was dreaming about. She reached out and placed her hand against Tommy’s cheek, stroking it gently. Tommy’s eyes snapped open, his blue eyes looking around the room frantically before finally landing on Alex.

Tommy cleared his throat and sat up a bit, “How long was I out for?” He muttered.

Alex shrugged slightly, “I was only gone for a few minutes, so not for very long.” She replied as she moved her hand from his cheek, “You still have those nightmares?” She asked quietly. Tommy only nodded slightly in response. Alex bit her lip, slipping her hand into his, “For how long?” She whispered.

Tommy looked down at her hand in his and interlocked their fingers, “Every night since you left.” He mumbled.

Alex immediately felt guilty, though she didn’t want to. It was his own fault. Alex could understand that he wanted to succeed in getting his family business legitimized, he just went about it in all the wrong ways. Tommy shouldn’t have put Alex on the bottom of his list of priorities. She didn’t expect him to put her on very top of his list, but she didn’t expect for him to put her on the very bottom either. 

As if Tommy could read her thoughts, he gently squeezed her hand, “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have ignored you like I did. Shouldn't have hurt you like I did. I should’ve loved you the way you deserve to be loved.” He murmured.

Alex looked up when she heard him say love. When she was with him, not once did he ever tell her that he loved her. Though, she knew he did with the way he looked into her eyes, or the way he held her close when they slept. Even when he’d wake up early, no matter how late he had been up the previous night, just to go to church with her on Sunday mornings. Alex would always tell him she loved him, hoping that maybe one day he’d say it back. That day never came when they were together.

“What’s going through your head, love?” Tommy whispered.

Alex stared down at their intertwined fingers.”I.. I’ve always told you I loved you, but never once did you ever tell me you loved me back. It isn’t as though I didn’t think you loved me back, I know you did. It just would’ve been nice if.. If you did tell me.” She mumbled out the last part.

Tommy moved his hand from Alex’s hand to her cheek, stroking it gently, “I did love you.. Do love you.. I love you, Alex.” He murmured softly. Alex only stared at him, her eyes slightly wide. He’d finally said those three words she craved to hear from him for the longest, “Have you thought about what I asked you a couple of days ago?” He asked.

Alex bit her lip, “You mean marrying you?” She replied quietly. Tommy simply nodded in response. Alex wanted nothing more than to just say yes. To give in to Tommy’s pleads and trust him this time around, but she had to tell him what she had kept from him. She pulled away slightly from Tommy’s touch. The look on Tommy’s face, Alex figured he probably thought she was declining his proposal. She intertwined her fingers with his once again, “Tommy, I need to tell you something.” She mumbled.

Tommy’s brows furrowed slightly, “You know you can tell me anything, Alex.” He murmured.

“There’s something I kept from you. I’m not sure if I should say I’ve kept it from you this past week, or rather, these past two years. Just.. I’ve kept something from you.” Alex rambled nervously.

Tommy sat up a bit, keeping his gaze on Alex, “What is it, Alex?” He asked.

Alex took a deep breath in before letting it out slowly, then met Tommy’s gaze, “A couple of weeks after I left Birmingham, I found out that I was pr-” Alex was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Tommy glanced at the door before looking back at her, “Were you expecting someone?” He asked. Alex’s brows furrowed and shook her head slightly. Tommy got up, only wincing slightly, and stumbled towards the door. He motioned Alex to open it. Alex stood up slowly and raised a brow in question as she walked closer to him and the door. Tommy leaned in closer to her as there was another knock on the door, “It could be one of Sabini’s men.” He muttered.

Alex opened the door before the person could knock a third time. To her unfortunate surprise, it wasn’t one of Sabini’s men, but in fact, Mrs. Mirley. She was holding her son, who looking at her with a big grin, “Mama!” He shouted. Alex froze completely. She could feel Tommy’s burning gaze on her, though she was too afraid and stunned to look at him.

Mrs. Mirley smiled sheepishly, “George came home just now feeling sickly, and I didn’t want him to get your son ill as well.” She stated. Mrs. Mirley was going to ask Alex if she had let her son’s father know, but the look on Alex’s face answered her question. She gave Alex a look of guilt.

Alex cleared her throat before reaching out to take her son, “Right, okay. Thanks again, Mrs. Mirley. Say bye to Mrs. Mirley, honey.” She told her son. Her son giggled and waved his hand.

Alex shut the door quietly, then moved towards the couch, avoiding Tommy’s intimidating stare. Neither of them spoke. Alex’s son could feel the tension in the air, making him uneasy. He whimpered and fussed. Alex bounced him lightly, hushing quietly, “It’s okay, honey. Shh, shh.” She cooed quietly.

“Is this what you were going to tell me? That you found another man after you left and you got pregnant? Did he leave you? Or is he still in your life?” Tommy asked question after question.

Alex glared at him slightly, “You think I slept with another man after I left Birmingham? You’re the first and only man I’ve slept with, Tommy.” She replied. Tommy scoffed slightly in disbelief. Alex stood up, her son on her hip, as Tommy walked closer to her and her son, “You don’t believe me? Look at him. He looks just like you. He even has your bright, blue eyes.” She stated.

Tommy looked from Alex down to the boy on her hip. It was as if he was staring at a photograph of himself as a young boy. Alex was right about his eyes as well. He and the toddler shared the same eye color. The boy squirmed, getting even more uneasy under Tommy’s stare. Tommy moved his gaze back to Alex, “Why didn’t you go back to Birmingham when you found out you were pregnant?” He asked.

It was Alex’s turn to scoff in disbelief, “You expected me to go running back to the man who’d just broken my heart?” She replied. Tommy sighed and headed for the door. Alex frowned, “Where are you going?” She asked, her voice catching in her throat.

Tommy was going to meet with a man named Alfie Solomons to discuss business. Of course, Alex didn’t know that, nor did Tommy want her to know. Telling her would only make her angry and she’d find a way into forcing him to stay indoors. Tommy looked at her and then to the boy, “What’s his name?” He asked.

Alex raised a brow, expecting to have her question answered, then sighed, “Nathaniel. Nathaniel.. Thomas Shelby..” She answered quietly.

Tommy paused for a moment then looked away, “I need to clear my head. I’ll be back in a while.” He muttered.

“Where are you really going?” Alex asked, already looking past his lie.

Tommy sighed, “To go see Ada. She moved to London with her son, like you. I need to speak to her.” He answered, which was half the truth. He was going to stop by and see his sister before meeting with Alfie.

Alex nodded slightly, “Alright..” She replied quietly, turning away from him as well. She sat back down onto the couch, placing Nathaniel on her lap.

Tommy opened the door, but not before looking back at Alex, “This doesn’t change anything. I still want to marry you. I want to raise him with you. Have more children with you.” He stated. Alex smiled to herself and nodded, not looking back. She didn’t need to look back. Tommy knew she had a smile on her face.

Alex heard a quiet chuckle, followed by the door closing. She sighed, finally feeling the heavy feeling lift off of her chest and shoulders. Tommy being Tommy, Alex expected the worst reaction from him. She expected yelling and throwing things across the room. To have him react so calmly, it gave her hope that maybe he was a changed man.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! I wanted to add this before midterms started because I'd have not time at all to update in the next couple of days. I hope everyone is still enjoying my story. I didn't get any feedback for my last chapter, so I'm afraid it wasn't my best update. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

While Tommy was out, Alex played with Nathaniel, fed him when he was hungry, and put him down for a nap when he was tired. While he was napping, she started dinner for Tommy when he came back. All the while, she’d glance towards the clock. An hour turned to two; two turned to three. After four hours, she grew worried. What if Sabini’s men came after him? Tommy was healing quickly, but he still wasn’t in his best shape to fight back.

Alex’s thoughts were interrupted when the doorknob to the front door jiggled. She quickly got up to answer the door. She let out a sigh of instant relief to see Tommy standing there, a cigarette hanging from his lips. Before he could step foot into the house, Alex stopped him. He raised a brow in questioned.

She pointed at his cigarette, “You have to put that out. There will be no smoking around Nathaniel.” She stated quietly.

There was a slight hesitation before Tommy dropped his cigarette on the ground and stamped it out with his foot. Alex smiled slightly and moved aside for Tommy to walk in. Tommy stepped in and looked around, “The boy? Where is he?” He asked.

“Nathaniel. He’s in the bedroom taking a nap.” Alex answered. She looked at Tommy a little closer. His face was drained of color, and there was a spot of blood just at the end of his nostril. She frowned slightly and moved forward to stand in front of him, “Are you feeling alright? You look pale, Tommy.” She stated, placing her hand against his cheek to feel his temperature. He felt just a tiny bit warm.

“Perhaps I overestimated how much I’ve healed.” He replied, staring directly into her eyes.

Alex had to look away before she fell into them. Instead, she looked down at the drop of blood at his nose, “Did you get a nosebleed?” She asked, her voice a bit shaky.

Tommy’s hand moved to his nose to wipe at it, failing to get the drop of blood, “Earlier, yes.” He answered simply, not wanting to go into detail about the gun pointed at him by Alfie, causing his nosebleed.

Alex placed her hand in Tommy’s, lacing their fingers, and led him into the kitchen. Tommy didn’t want to let go of her hand, but did when Alex gave him a pointed look. She opened one of her drawers and pulled out a dish cloth, then proceeded to dampen it with water. Alex stood in front of him, avoiding his gaze. She wiped the dried blood from his nose gently, making sure there wasn’t a spec left. Just as she was about to pull away, Tommy placed a hand at the small of her back, keeping her there.

Alex bit her lip, staring at the buttons of Tommy’s coat, “I was worried. You took longer than I expected. I thought..” She trailed off.

Tommy shook his head, “Ada didn’t want to see me. Took some convincing, but I finally got her to talk to me. Bought a house here for her and Karl. Took more convincing for her to accept my gift.” He explained, leaving out that he’d gone to see Alfie as well.

Alex finally made eye contact with him, “That took four hours?” She asked quietly.

Tommy took out his pocket watch and glanced at the time, “So it did.” He mumbled. Alex frowned slightly, wanting to ask if he was telling the truth, but she could see beads of sweat beginning to form on his skin. She reached out once again to feel his temperature, placing a hand against his forehead, then his cheek. Tommy placed his hand over hers, holding it there.

“You should take off your coat. You’re getting warmer.” She murmured.

“Can you help me? My shoulder is still a bit sore.” Tommy stated, rubbing a his shoulder. Alex couldn’t help but laugh as she saw him look down to hide his smirk. Alex stepped closer, placing her hands on his chest, then slowly unbuttoned his coat. Tommy watched her hands as they moved down. Once all the buttons were unbuttoned, she slowly slid off his coat, keeping her eyes down. Tommy placed his hand under her chin, tilting her head up to meet his gaze.

Alex finally let herself fall deeply into his eyes. She watched as his eyes moved from her eyes, down to her lips, then back. As Tommy placed a hand against Alex’s cheek, she closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy his warm touch. She could feel his breath on her skin as he leaned in, his lips lightly brushing against hers, “I love you.” He murmured, just as he pressed his lips against hers.

Alex smiled against his lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his. Tommy wound his arms around her waist, bringing her closer, if possible. Alex ran her fingers lightly up at the back of his head, feeling goosebumps rise on his skin. She threaded her fingers in his hair and tugged gently, making Tommy groan quietly against her lips. Tommy slowly walked her back against the counter, getting ready to lift her onto the surface before there was a cry from the other room.

“Mama!” She could hear her son cry.

Alex instantly pulled away from Tommy, looking up at him, “He’s awake.” She whispered. Tommy let Alex pull herself away from his embrace, but not before he kissed her forehead lightly. Alex smiled slightly, then leaned in to peck Tommy’s lips softly, then bit his bottom lip playfully, “Yes, I’ll marry you.” She whispered against his lips, 

Tommy smiled, moving forward to press his lips against hers once again, but Alex moved back, “You have to keep your word. You’ll attend church with me every Sunday. We’ll baptize our children and have them do every other sacrament. Lastly, I won’t ask you to stop doing illegal things in order to help your business, but what I will ask of you is to protect us. Me and Nathaniel. To protect your family.” She listed off her different conditions.

The way Tommy was staring down at her, she was afraid maybe she was asking too much from him. That thought quickly left her head when she remembered why she left to London in the first place. She stood her ground, waiting for Tommy’s answer, even though Nathaniel was crying for her from the other room. Tommy moved his gaze to look towards where the cry was coming from, then realized that Alex wasn’t going to tend to her, or rather, their son until she got her answer.

Tommy took a step back, making Alex tense up. Maybe she did ask for too much after all. Tommy brought his hand to his mouth and spit slightly into it, then held out his hand to Alex, “You’ve got yourself a deal.” He replied.

Alex grimaced slightly, staring at his hand, “Can’t we just kiss to seal the deal?” She asked.

Tommy chuckled, “If you’re gonna marry a gypsy, this is how we seal our deals.” He stated. Alex whined slightly and spit in her hand, then slowly placed it in his. Tommy shook her hand, laughing at the disgusted look on her face. When Tommy let go of Alex’s hand, she immediately wiped it on the side of her dress. With a smile on his face, he wrapped his arm around her waist, “Let’s go tend to.. Our son. Shall we?” He looked down at her.

Alex tried not to smile, but hearing the word ‘our,’ she couldn’t help it. She let Tommy lead them out of the kitchen and towards her bedroom. She opened the door to find Nathaniel standing in his crib, tears trailing down his rosy cheeks. As soon as he saw his mother, he reached out, ready to get out of his crib. Alex hurried over to him and picked him up and out of his crib, hugging him close to her and hushing him quietly, “There, there, honey. Mama’s here.” She cooed as he whimpered quietly.

“Does he always cry when he wakes?” Tommy asked, still standing by the doorframe. He didn’t want to move any further into the room, not wanting to spook the already crying toddler.

“Only when he has nightmares. Did you have a nightmare, sweetheart, hm? You had a bad dream?” She asked him quietly. Nathaniel simply nodded his head, burying his face into his mother’s neck. She pressed kisses on the side of his head, “It’s alright, honey. It was just a dream.” She cooed, rocking him back and forth. Alex could hear Tommy’s footsteps as he neared.

Tommy hesitated for a second before placing his hand on Nathaniel’s back, “I get nightmares as well, son. Your mum is what helps me with them, too.” He murmured. Nathaniel’s cries slowly came to a stop as he stared at Tommy in wonder. Alex smiled slightly as her son babbled at his father. Tommy laughed a bit and nodded, “That’s right. Your mum knows just how to take care of us, doesn’t she?” He murmured as he patted Nathaniel’s back. Alex couldn’t help but to tear up slightly. Tommy smiled, leaning in close to kiss her temple, “Thank you for coming back, love. For taking care of me. I know it wasn’t easy for you, but thank you.” Tommy murmured.

Alex tilted her head up slightly to kiss his jaw softly, “I did it because I love you, Tommy.” She whispered.

Tommy kissed her temple once again, “I love you too, Alex.” He whispered back.

What happened next, surprised them both. Nathaniel turned in Alex’s arms, towards Tommy, then reached out his arms. Tommy looked to Alex, who was already looking at him with a wide smile, “He wants to be held by you.” She stated. Alex could see him tense up a bit. She smiled softly, “You’ve held children before. Well, maybe just Finn when he was still a baby.” Alex continued.

Tommy cleared his throat, “I don’t want to drop him.” He muttered. Nathaniel started to fuss once again, waiting for Tommy to hold him.

Alex laughed quietly, “You won’t drop him. You’ll be fine, Tommy. He doesn’t squirm or anything.” She tried comforting Nathaniel, as well as Tommy.

Tommy hesitated slightly before reaching out and taking Nathaniel from Alex’s arms. Alex stayed close, to keep Tommy calm. Nathaniel’s fussing stopped immediately as he stared up at Tommy. Alex watched with a slight smile on her face as Tommy tried to figure out what to do with the toddler. He settled for patting his back rhythmically. Nathaniel reached out and pointed at one of the cuts on Tommy’s face, “Owwie.” He said shortly, looking concerned.

Tommy and Alex laughed. Tommy nodded, “Yeah, that is an owwie. Got quite a few of them.” He replied.

Nathaniel turned to look at Alex, “Mama, owwie kiss.” He told his mother.

Alex smiled, “Shall I kiss his owwie, sweetheart?” She asked, already knowing the answer. Nathaniel simply nodded. Alex looked to Tommy, who was already looking at her. She laughed slightly, “When he was learning how to walk, he’d fall and hurt himself and I’d have to kiss his owwies.” She stated.

Tommy smirked a bit, “I’m waiting for you to kiss my owwie.” He replied. Alex rolled her eyes, laughing to herself before leaning in and kissing his cheek gently. She laughed even more at Tommy’s smug grin.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm sorry for the long wait. Midterms totally kicked my butt. I hardly had time to even write, so this is going to be a small chapter. Well, smaller than usual. Now that midterms are over, I'll have a bit more time to write, so maybe I'll update again soon. I hope everyone is still enjoying reading this story! I love reading your comments. It gives me an extra boost towards writing more. Hope everyone will like this little chapter!

Tommy stayed with Alex for almost two weeks. His whole body healed, all thanks to her. He couldn’t believe that Alex was in his life again. He couldn’t believe that she’d help him fully recover after what he did to her, but she did. Tommy knew that this time around, he wouldn’t take her love for granted. Wouldn’t take her for granted.

So, Tommy figured that he should come clean about why it took him so long when he left to give his gift to Ada. He told Alex that he’d gone to Ada’s, and that only took him about two hours. When she asked where he was for the other two hours, he told her the truth. He’d gone to see Alfie Solomons to discuss business. When Alex asked what business, Tommy hesitated for a second. He wanted to be honest with her, but he also didn’t want to put her in harm’s way. Alex saw his hesitance and stopped him before he could begin explaining. She told him that if his reason not to tell her was to protect her and Nathaniel, then he didn’t need to explain. Tommy was grateful for that. 

When it was time to go back to Birmingham, Alex was a bit uncertain, not because she didn’t want to go back to Birmingham with Tommy; She did want to go back. However, Alex would miss London. She grew to love her little, quaint home. She grew to love her independent life. She grew to love her neighbors, the people she’d see everyday on the way to work. Work. If Alex went back to the library, she’d most likely get fired. She hadn’t told her boss that she’d be in Birmingham those few days. Alex hadn’t even gone back since she’d arrived in London. Instead, she cared for Tommy a few more days until he was fully healed, and even bonded with him and her son as a family.

Though, Alex loved working in the library. It was quiet, and peaceful. All the books that she can read to keep her distracted from her past. When she told Tommy this, he promised her that he’d find her a job at the Birmingham library. He even promised her a library of her own that he’d open for her someday soon. As ridiculous as his promise sounded, she agreed. Alex didn’t even need for him to promise her a library of her own. Tommy asking her to go back to their ‘home’ was enough for her.

Tommy arranged for his brothers to have their family car sent to Alex’s home, to which she had sold to a nice little family looking for a quaint home. The money Alex received, she gave to Mr. and Mrs. Mirley, for helping with Nathaniel over the last couple of years. They tried to deny the money, but Alex wouldn’t take no for an answer. Also, without Alex knowing, Tommy left a large sum of money as well, thanking them both for helping Alex.

On the ride back to Birmingham, Alex felt extremely nervous. She and Tommy hadn’t told the rest of the Shelby family about Nathaniel, so they would be in for quite a big surprise. Tommy could see from the corner of his eye how she fidgeted with her dress, then moving to the buttons of Nathaniel’s coat. When she moved her hands back and forth about five times, Tommy reached across Nathaniel, who sat in between them, and held onto Alex’s hand, keeping his other hand on the steering wheel.

“What are you nervous about, love?” He asked.

Alex looked down at his hand, and once again started to fidget as she played with Tommy’s fingers, “Your family doesn’t know about Nathaniel. They’re going to hate me for keeping him a secret.” She mumbled.

Tommy chuckled slightly, letting her play with his fingers, “If they’re going to hate anyone it’s me. I’m the reason you left Birmingham. I’m the reason you kept Nathaniel a secret. It’s my fault. I can already see the glares that’ll come from John and Polly.” He joked. Tommy could only see a slight smile form on her lips. He sighed, “Alex, love, if anyone dares to even make the slightest comment about it..” He paused, trying to think of a punishment, “I’ll ban them from the city.” He finished.

Alex smiled a bit more, before rolling her eyes, “You’re not going to ban your family from Birmingham.” She replied.

Tommy nodded, “Just watch. I’ll send John packing if he even gives you a look.” He stated.

Alex laughed slightly and shook her head. Tommy smiled to himself. At least he’d gotten her mind off of being nervous. He brushed his thumb over her ring finger, “We’ll go shopping once we’ve settled back at home. Find you a lovely ring, yeah?” He murmured.

Alex smiled even more and shrugged, “I don’t need a ring. Just having you is enough for me.” She replied.

“Nonsense. We’ll find you the loveliest ring, with a huge diamond. Beautiful like you. Though, it’ll be hard. Nothing is more beautiful than you. I want everyone to see it, to know that you’d be a Shelby now.” He murmured, bringing her hand up to kiss.

It was hard for Alex not to grin, “You just want the men to know that I’d be married to you.” She joked.

Tommy smirked, kissing Alex’s hand again before bringing it back down, “That too.” He replied, earning him that warm laughter from Alex that he loved too much.

When they finally arrived in Birmingham, Tommy pulled up to an unfamiliar home, or rather, a mansion would’ve better described it. Alex looked over to Tommy in astonishment. He answered her before she could ask, “Our new home.” He stated as he opened the car door. 

Alex only stared at Tommy in amazement as he opened the door for her, then helped her carry a sleeping Nathaniel, “New home? A palace more like.” She laughed a little breathlessly, “Your last home was perfect. Big enough for more than just us.” She stated.

Tommy shut the door after Alex hopped out of the car, then walked to the back of the car to start grabbing their luggage. With one hand, he grabbed a bag, still carrying his sleeping son in his other arm. Tommy stopped Alex before she could grab a bag, “I’ve got it, just open the front door for me, yeah?” He strained slightly.

Alex hurried, grabbing the keys from his coat pocket, then rushed to the front door, opening it and stepping out of the way. Tommy placed the bag on the ground, then walking into what looked like the living area. He carefully placed Nathaniel onto the large sofa, then stood back and looked at Alex, “What do you think?” He asked quietly.

Alex looked around, astounded. The walls were a lovely burgundy color. Many framed paintings littered the room. Alex walked slowly out of the room and into another, each room was lovelier than the next. Tommy trailed behind her. Alex turned to him with a shy smile, “It’s lovely, Tommy. Absolutely amazing, but I stand with what I said before. Your last home was just as lovely.” She replied.

Tommy sighed slightly and scratched the back of his head, “I wanted a fresh start for the both of us. I don’t want to make you live in the home where bad memories were made. Where I laid awake for countless nights, wishing you were in my arms again..” He trailed off. 

Alex bit her lip, “Oh, Tommy.” She whispered. She wanted to feel guilty. She could only imagine the same pain she went through from being apart. However, Alex remembered why they were apart in the first place.

He shook his head, “We both know that I don’t deserve your pity.” He mumbled.

Alex walked closer to him, leaning into his body before standing on her tiptoes to softly peck his lips, “I’m here now.” She murmured.

Tommy nodded slightly and kissed her lips back gently, “You are, love. To stay I hope.” He murmured back. Alex simply nodded. He held her for a moment, enjoying the feeling to have her back in his arms, back in Birmingham, in their new home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Sorry if it's a little late, I'm currently writing a 15 page research paper that is due in a couple of weeks, so I might not be able to post another chapter until after. I feel like this story is close to coming to an end. Maybe another 4 or 5 chapters left, but until then, I hope everyone will continue to leave feedback and kudos! Thanks for reading!

Tommy pulled away slightly, “I’ll get the rest of our bags. You could look around more if you’d like.” He mumbled, kissing her forehead before walking out of the front door.

Alex smiled a bit, before turning to look around some more. She walked into what she guessed was his office, judging from the huge desk and the luxurious chair that was behind it. To the side of the room, there was a large fireplace. Hanging above it was a gorgeous painting of Tommy, sitting astride of a beautiful horse. Alex laughed quietly. Only Tommy Shelby would have such a painting.

As she walked closer to get a better look, she noticed an envelope dangling from the edge of the fireplace. Before she reached down to pick it up, she could already read who the letter was from. Grace Burgess addressed to Thomas Shelby. The very edge of the letter had been burned, meaning some of letter would be burned with it, but she still opened it. Alex went to Tommy’s desk to grab a letter opener and carefully opened the damaged letter. She read what hadn’t been burned by the fire.

The letter read that Grace had missed Tommy. Even though she married another man and now lived in New York, that a day doesn’t go by that Tommy wasn’t running through her mind. She wrote that she’d be coming back to Birmingham soon for business that her husband needed to attend to and she wanted to meet with Tommy.

“What do you have there, love?” Alex heard Tommy’s voice suddenly in the room, making her jump with fright. Tommy walked closer, trying to peek behind Alex as she hid the letter behind her back. Tommy reached out, grabbing the letter from behind her back. Alex let him, without protest, keeping her eyes on him as his scanned the letter.

“How does she have the new address? Did you give it to her? Are you two still in contact?” Alex began shooting questions as fast as her heart was racing.

Tommy slowly shook his head, “No, to all of your questions. I went by the old house to pick up my mail that had been delivered there by mistake. I saw this letter.. I meant to burn it.” He muttered.

“That isn’t the first letter.” Alex stated, rather than asked, already knowing the answer.

Tommy didn’t answer her as he walked to the fireplace, placing some logs into it, then spilling a bit of kerosene on them. He grabbed the box of matches that sat upon the mantle, opening it carefully, striking the match, then throwing it into the fireplace. Alex watched as he crumpled the letter in his fist, then throwing it in the fire. They stood in silence as they watched Grace’s letter burn to nothing. Tommy walked towards his desk to lean against it, then motioned for Alex to come to him. Alex hesitated for a second before moving to stand next to him, keeping her eyes on the fire.

After a moment, she spoke again, “That wasn’t her first letter to you.” She repeated.

Tommy shook his head slightly, “No. It wasn’t her first letter to me, but it was the first letter I’ve read.” He replied.

Alex turned her gaze away from the fire, looking at Tommy, “You never opened any of her letters?” She asked quietly.

Tommy shook his head once again, “I never cared to read them.” He answered.

Alex laughed slightly, humorlessly. She turned back to look at the fire, “But you were with her. Surely, you had to have cared.” She stated emptily.

“I was never with her.” Tommy tried to keep the words from coming out, but they came out before he could stop himself.

Alex laughed once again, “Then I suppose I imagined you kissing her in the church.” She retorted bitterly.

Tommy placed his hand over hers, which was gripped tightly over the edge of his desk. Alex tensed slightly, still staring at the fire. Tommy licked his lips, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly, “I was never with Grace.” He started. Alex turned her gaze from the fire once again to give him a pointed look. Tommy had to look away, “I wasn’t. Not in the way you think.” He tried to explain.

Alex kept her eyes on him, “You kissed her, Tommy..” Her voice cracked slightly.

“I had to.” Tommy answered, then grimaced at the way it sounded, “I was using her.” He added.

Alex’s brows furrowed in question, “What are you talking about?” She asked quietly as she pulled her hand from his grasp.

Tommy felt his chest tighten in panic. He didn’t want to lose Alex again. He cleared his throat, “I was trying to gain Billy Kimber’s trust. I needed someone to catch his attention. A woman.” He started.

“A woman? Tommy, if you needed a woman, you could’ve asked me.” Alex replied.

“No. No, I could never have asked you. Kimber was far too dangerous. I needed someone who had no knowledge of who he was. The moment I saw Grace at the Garrison, I knew she’d be the woman I’d use. I hadn’t seen her in Birmingham before, she wouldn’t know of the power that Kimber had.” Tommy explained slowly, making sure he didn’t anything that would upset Alex.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asked desperately.

“Because I know you would’ve asked to take Grace’s place. I couldn’t put you in harm’s way.” Tommy replied quietly.

Alex shook her head, “So instead, you kept me in the dark. For weeks, I kept thinking that you were distancing yourself from me. That you realized maybe I wasn’t enough for you. That you didn’t love me after all.” She stated, her eyes filling with tears as memories of those countless nights flashed through her mind.

Tommy tried to reach for Alex’s hand, but only caused her to move away from him. He sighed, “I did love you, Alex. I could never love anyone else. Not even close to how much I love you.” He stated, watching as tears trailed down her cheeks, making his heart twinge in pain.

The wall that Alex had kept up for so long to hide how she truly felt finally broke down, “How was I supposed to know?! Each and every time I told you that I loved you, you never said it back! I thought, maybe with time, you’d finally tell me, but you didn’t. When you started coming home late, or sometimes not at all, I was miserable, Tommy. I just wanted to see you and to talk to you even if it was just for a moment, but I was lucky enough if I even got to see you at all before I slept because you’d be gone by the time I’d woken up. I thought I’d done something wrong. I thought.. I thought..” Alex paused, thinking back to how broken she felt when the thought first crossed in her mind two years ago.

“Thought what?” Tommy rasped, a lump in his throat. He just wanted to reach out and hold Alex to him. He’d hold her and never let her go. Never hurt her again. He never wanted to see her cry again. To never be the reason why she looked so broken.

“I thought.. That you lost interest in me.. That you found someone else was because.. I told you I didn’t want to have sex again until I was ready.” Alex whispered, looking down at her fidgeting hands.

“No!” Tommy nearly shouted, catching Alex, and himself, by surprise, “I never for a second lost interest in you. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but I didn’t. I understood that you wanted to wait until you felt like you were ready and that was fine by me. I’d wait just as long as you needed me to.” He countered.

Alex smiled sadly, “That’s not what you said the night I saw you two kiss. You told me.. If I hadn’t kept my legs closed..” She started to say, but was interrupted by him.

“I was angry and hurt. I wanted you to feel how you were making me feel, and I know that wasn’t fair. It was my fault you were hurting to begin with, but you wouldn’t let me explain, and I was scared..” He paused to breathe in shakily, “I was about to lose the woman that I loved, the only woman who could love me for who I am, and everything I did or tried to say wasn’t going to make her stay and I was angry with myself. How could I have fucked up the most precious thing I’d ever had? Before I knew it, those words escaped me, and I watched you walk away with regret burning in the pit of my stomach.” He finished, his gaze leaving hers to stare down at the ground.

They stood in silence once again. The room suddenly felt too hot with the fire going, and Alex needed some fresh air. When Alex felt like Tommy had nothing left to say, she moved to walk out of the room. Tommy’s hand quickly shot out and grabbed her wrist, “Please, don’t leave me. Not again. I won’t be able to live through it again.” He rasped.

It was Alex’s heart that twinged in pain this time. Aside from seeing Tommy broken physically, it was her first time seeing him broken emotionally, “I just need some fresh air, Tommy. Come with me?” She asked softly, holding out her hand. Tommy placed his hand in hers and let himself be led outside of his office and out to their backyard. The view took Alex’s breath away. There was nothing but big, tall, beautiful trees on green grassy hills for miles. Alex walked to the small wall that bordered the backyard from the endless field. Tommy stood next to her, not taking his eyes off of her.

“Tommy.. It’s so beautiful.” She whispered breathlessly. Tommy only responded with a small smile. Alex watched as the beautiful orange, red, and yellow-green leaves rustled with the wind. Tommy watched as Alex’s hair flowed in the wind, long strands covering her face. She’d giggle and move her hair behind her ear, only to have the wind blow it back over her face, making her giggle more. Tommy couldn’t resist the grin that covered his face, though he didn’t try at all to resist it.

The more that the wind picked up, the more chills ran down Alex’s arms. Tommy thought to go back inside to grab his coat to wrap around her, but instead, he moved to stand behind Alex, wrapping his arms around her, then nuzzling his face into her neck.

“Your nose is cold, Tommy.” She laughed lightly.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered into her neck, apologizing for more than just his cold nose.

Alex reached back with her hand, running her fingers through his hair, then scratched at the back of his head lightly, “I forgive you, love.” She whispered back, knowing exactly what he meant.

Tommy finally felt the weight lift off his shoulders, taking in a deep breath and sighing into Alex’s neck, making her shiver, “Never again. I won’t ever hurt you again. I’d die before I did.” He murmured.

Alex gently scratched at the back of Tommy’s head again, “I’ll hold you to that, Mr. Shelby.” She whispered.

Tommy smiled against her neck. Pretty soon, he’d be able to reply and call her Mrs. Shelby. He looked up, placing his chin on her shoulder, holding her close as the breeze grew stronger. Together, they watched the leaves and tall grass rustle in the wind.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I've been away for so long! I'm sorry, things were just so hectic for me these past couple of months, so updating my story was one of the last things on my mind. On top of that, I got writer's block, which is horrible. So sadly, this chapter isn't as long as my other ones, but I do promise that I will update again soon, since my writer's block is gone. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this little chapter. Thanks to those who left comments and kudos while I was gone!

Too lost in their own world, they didn’t hear John or Arthur come up behind them.

“Either one of you want to explain the crying child I had to calm down?” John asked.

Both Tommy and Alex jumped in surprise. Alex turned quickly to see Nathaniel in John’s arms, tears running down his rosy cheeks. She rushed forward to take her son from her friend, soothing him as tiny whimpers escaped him, “It’s alright, little one. You’re okay. Shh shh.” She cooed.

“Still waiting on that explanation.” John stated, his tone filled with annoyance.

Alex suddenly felt completely nervous all over again. She walked back to Tommy, biting her lip and looking at him. Tommy decided he’d answer the question, “His name is Nathaniel. He’s Alex’s son. And mine.” He answered.

“Your son? How do you even know he’s yours?” John interrogates, earning a scoff from Alex.

“He’s Tommy’s alright. Looks exactly like him when he was a kid.” Arthur stated.

John stared at the boy in Alex’s arms, which made Nathaniel squirm uncomfortably, “You had a son, and you kept it a secret from us?” He asked quietly.

“I was going to tell your family.” Alex answered, struggling to keep Nathaniel calm.

“When?” John asked sternly.

“That’s enough, John.” Tommy interrupted as he took Nathaniel from Alex. Nathaniel instantly hid his face in Tommy’s shoulder, stifling his whimpers.

John rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning to look away. Arthur patted his shoulder, “Who cares, mate? You’re an uncle now.” He laughed.

John sighed and looked at the kid who was hiding in Tommy’s shoulder, “What was his name then?” He asked.

Tommy looked to Alex, who was also partially hidden by Tommy, when she stood slightly behind him. Alex took a step forward, placing her hand on Nathaniel’s back, rubbing it soothingly, “His name is Nathaniel Thomas Shelby.” She answered shyly.

Arthur grinned and walked closer to Tommy and Nathaniel. He patted the toddler’s back, “Welcome to the family, Nathaniel.” He greeted. Nathaniel moved to look up shyly at Arthur. Arthur laughed, “Hello, lad.” He whispered.

Nathaniel looked from Arthur to his father. Tommy smiled softly, “He’s your Uncle Arthur.” He murmured. Nathaniel partially hid his face into Tommy’s neck shyly.

Arthur chuckled, “He’s exactly like you when we were kids.” He stated. Tommy only chuckled as he rocked his son back and forth.

The Shelby brothers spent a moment adoring their newfound nephew, before remembering why they were there to begin with. Arthur moved his gaze from Nathaniel to Tommy, “Ready to go to Polly’s place?” He asked.

Tommy had completely forgotten about his surprise for Polly’s birthday, however, he nodded. He looked from Arthur to Alex, “We’re going around Pol’s to pick her up and take her to her new place.” He stated.

Alex furrowed her brows, “Her new place?” She asked.

“Tommy bought her a new house for her birthday. He wanted to surprise her this morning.” John answered.

Alex smiled softly, “That was awfully sweet of you, Tommy.” She complimented.

Tommy shrugged as he swayed Nathaniel back and forth, “It’s my way of thanking her. She raised me and my brothers. It wasn’t easy for her, but she still did.” He replied.

Alex wanted to ‘aww,’ but knew would only earn her a glare from Tommy. She moved closer and took Nathaniel from him, “Go on, then. I’ll wait here.” She replied as Nathaniel quickly hid his face in her neck.

Tommy shook his head, “No, you’re coming with. I want Polly to meet our son.” He stated.

Alex nerves shot right back up. She bit her lip, “It’s her birthday, I don’t want to ruin her birthday.” She mumbled.

“Seeing as you kept him hidden for 2 years, she’ll have a proper fit.” John laughed, only making Alex tense up even more with nerves.

Tommy shot John a glare before looking at Alex, “Come on, love. Nathaniel will be a part of the surprise as well.” He tried to convince her.

Alex bit her lip, “I don’t think Nathaniel’s up for meeting Aunt Pol.” She replied nervously.

Tommy gave her a small smile as he moved closer to her and placing his hand at the small of her back, making Alex instantly relax her tensed body, “Nathaniel isn’t up for it, or you’re not up for it?” He asked teasingly.

Alex whined slightly, “I don’t want Polly to be angry with me.” She nearly whimpered.

Tommy and his brothers chuckled at Alex’s behavior. Tommy found it absolutely endearing, “She won’t be angry, love. She’d be happy to see you. Even more happy to see we have a new member of the Shelby clan.” He replied.

Alex pouted a bit, “Fine, let me just.. Pack a bag of extra clothes for Nathaniel.” She mumbled before passing Nathaniel back to Tommy.

Nathaniel was becoming fussy and fed up from being passed back and forth. He locked his arms around Tommy’s neck, pouting at his father. Tommy chuckled. He had his mother’s pout. Tommy would later learn that both pouts would be his Achilles Heel.

After Alex was done packing Nathaniel’s bag, they were out the door and heading off to Polly’s flat. Tommy made John drive with Arthur up front so he could sit in the backseat with his son and Alex. As they passed fields, Nathaniel pointed at the horses that galloped through the tall grass. He cooed in amazement. Tommy’s brothers laughed, “Definitely a Shelby. Definitely Tommy’s son.” They declared.

Tommy kissed the top of Nathaniel’s head, “We’ll get you your own horse one day. I’ll show you how to take proper care of it. We’ll get your mum one, too. We can go on family ridings.” He promised. Alex could only watch with a small, loving smile.

When they finally made it to Polly’s, the Shelby’s all stumbled out of the car, dusting off their coats and straightening their caps. Tommy realized that Alex was still sat in the car with Nathaniel in her lap. Tommy reached out to help her with their son, only to be stopped by Alex holding him closer to her. 

Tommy sighed, “You’re going to have to get out of the car some time, love.” He mumbled to her.

Alex whined slightly and let Tommy take Nathaniel from her. As she got out of the car, her knees shook a bit, showing how nervous she was. Tommy held his son in one arm and wrapped his other around Alex’s waist, bringing her closer to him, “She’s not going to be upset. She’s missed you so much.” He murmured to her, “Nearly had my head when she found out how I fucked up.” He joked slightly.

No matter how much Tommy comforted Alex, she still couldn’t help but feel nervous. She took Nathaniel from Tommy’s arms as he, John, and Arthur lead her through the entrance of Polly’s flat.

Tommy walked through the corridor that lead to the living room, “Pol?” He called out as he took his cigarette box from his coat pocket. Alex cleared her throat loudly, making Tommy turn to look at her. She gave him a look then tilted her head towards their son. Tommy sighed, remembering her rule, then pocketed his cigarette box. He glared at his brothers as they laughed under their breath.

They could hear rustling come from the other room. Alex slowly moved across the living room to stand behind Tommy. Tommy watched her as she tensed up, biting her lip. Their son was too busy playing with his mother’s necklace to notice the tension in her body. Finally, Polly stumbled out of her room, looking as if she had just woken up. She looked around the room, wondering why her nephews had come to visit.

Polly furrowed her brows, “What are you lot doing here?” She questioned.

“Happy birthday, Pol.” Tommy finally spoke.

John and Arthur cheered and clapped as they walked closer to their aunt to give her a hug. Tommy stayed where he was, hiding Alex. Polly’s brows furrowed even more, “You remembered my birthday?” She asked, surprised.

“Of course! You’re our favorite aunt!” Arthur exclaimed.

“I’m your only aunt.” Polly replied blankly, making John and Arthur laugh. Polly crossed her arms, “What are you lot doing here?” She repeated.

“Get ready. We’ve got a surprise for you.” Tommy replied.

Polly rolled her eyes, "I'm a bit too old for surprises, Tommy." She stated.

"Ah, nonsense, Pol. Go on and get ready." Tommy convinced her.

Polly sighed then turned to walk back to her bedroom when she heard a baby babble. She paused for a moment before turning back to face her nephews. She looked around the room, only to find her nephews standing around, “What was that?” She asked.

John and Arthur looked at Tommy. Polly then looked at Tommy, raising a brow. Tommy looked over his shoulder at Alex. Tommy gave her a reassuring look as she gave him one of terror. He finally stepped to the side to reveal Alex, holding their babbling son. She could hear Polly gasp audibly from across the room, “Alex?” She whispered under her breath.

This was the moment that Alex’s eyes welled up with tears. She’d missed this woman so much. This woman who was more of a mother figure to her than her own mother. A woman who cared for her and loved her more than the one who gave birth to her. Alex let out a choking sob, which made Polly rush forward and throw her arms around her and Nathaniel, holding them tightly. Alex buried her face into Polly’s shoulder and cried, “I’m sorry, Aunt Pol.” She whimpered. Polly hushed her and comforted her.

Surprisingly, Nathaniel didn’t fuss at being held by the woman he’d never met. Instead, he watched in wonder as the woman comforted his mother. After a moment, they pulled away from each other and wiped their eyes, laughing slightly.

“Happy birthday, Aunt Pol.” Alex gave Polly a watery smile.

Polly smiled in return, “Thank you, sweetheart. Now, who is this darling lad?” She cooed at the toddler in Alex’s arms.

Nathaniel watched Polly with his big blue eyes. He didn’t react shyly like he did with his uncles. He just babbled at her. Alex laughed slightly, “This is Nathaniel.. Thomas Shelby.” She replied quietly.

Polly moved her gaze from Nathaniel to Alex, then glanced back at Tommy who stood behind them, “Is that so?” She asked. Alex only smiled nervously. She moved her gaze back to the boy in Alex’s arms, reaching out to tickle his cheek with a finger. Nathaniel giggled and squirmed away.

Polly smiled warmly as Nathaniel’s giggle brought back memories of Tommy at that age. She looked back at Tommy, giving him a pointed look. Tommy knew that look. She wanted to talk to him later when they get the chance. Polly finally glanced back at Alex, giving her another hug, “Welcome home, sweetheart.” She murmured.

The tension in Alex’s body finally melted away. She was back where she belonged. Home.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! I wanted to update before this weekend since I'd have to work on an essay all weekend long. This chapter may be a little short as well. I'm still have a bit of writer's block, but I'm slowly getting out of it. Also, sorry if there are some grammar errors, I quickly typed this up and updated it just before class. Anyways, thanks for those who commented and left kudos! They give me that extra boost to write more and update. Hope everyone enjoys!

A few weeks later, Alex had finally settled into her new home with Tommy and their son. Tommy had offered to hire maids to help keep their home clean and to help with Nathaniel. Alex quickly declined his offer. She wasn’t comfortable with the thought of having live-in maids, cleaning up after them and raising Nathaniel. She would rather clean their huge home than to have strangers live with them to clean it. Same with taking care of Nathaniel. She didn’t want strangers taking care of him. Tommy tried to convince her, not wanting her to be overwhelmed to keep up with the house duties, but Alex's mind was made up. 

Tommy kept his promise he made in London. He gave Alex her own library. After just a few days of being back in Birmingham, he drove her to the place he bought. Alex had no idea where she was being driven to. Tommy only told her that he had a surprise for her. He walked her in with his hand over her eyes. When he uncovered them, she was met with a widely spaced room with many bookcases filled with tons of books. Towards the back of the room, she could see a staircase that lead to another floor of book filled bookcases. The place was nicely sized, just as big as the one she worked at in London, maybe just a bit bigger. It was a couple of buildings down from The Garrison. Tommy’s reasoning for that was that she’d be safe with the Peaky Blinders just a minute away.

Alex turned to Tommy with a questioning look, “What is this?” She asked, not too sure.

He smiled a bit, “You said you loved working in the London library. I told you I’d give you your own library. So, welcome to the Alexandra Shelby Library.” He announced.

Alex laughed slightly, “I’m not a Shelby.” She retorted.

Tommy placed a kiss on her temple, “Not yet.” He murmured, “Come on, let me show you your desk.” He led her to a beautiful desk that was placed in the center of the room. It looked just like the one he had in his home office. He pulled out the chair for her to sit in. She laughed more and took a seat. It felt good to sit at a desk that was her own. She felt boss-like.

She glanced up at Tommy and gave him a sheepish smile, "Thank you, Tommy.. You didn't have to do this." She stated quietly. Tommy only waved her off, as if to say 'Nonsense.'

Alex ran her fingers carefully over the beautiful desk, careful not to leave any smudges. She opened a couple of the drawers to her left to find blank papers and a few ink wells and pens. Alex then turned to open the top drawer to her right, expecting to find the same items. She paused. There, sat a black velvet box. Alex carefully picked it up and opened it slowly. She gasped softly. She found a beautiful ring. The band was a gorgeous rose gold color with three tiny little diamonds embedded on both sides of the beautifully cut pink diamond in the center.

“I also promised you a ring.” She heard Tommy murmur behind her.

Alex quickly stood up, making herself stumble a bit. Tommy reached out to steady her, then took the box from her. He took out the ring, “I know you already said yes, but I wanted to ask you properly.” He stated before kneeling down on one knee, then grabbing her hand and looking up at her, “Alexandra Marie Kingsley, I’ve known you since you were just a little girl. To me, you were my younger brother’s best mate. And I thought you’d always be my younger brother’s best mate, but somewhere along the way, that changed. You grew up to be a beautiful, caring, and loving woman. You’d always help Polly with taking care of the house, taking care of Finn. Taking care of us when we’d come home covered in wounds and blood.” Tommy laughed a bit, remembering all those times that she and Polly lectured them. It’d only go in through one ear and out the other. Alex bit her lip, remembering the same exact moments.

“I don’t remember when it happened, but I didn’t see you as my younger brother’s mate anymore. I saw you as a woman that I wanted to call mine. A woman that I wanted to love and take care of just as she did my family, but you were so young. So innocent.. And I.. I Wasn’t the man you deserved. I was a horrible man. I am a horrible man, but I couldn’t stay away. I can’t stay away. I needed you and I still do. I need that sweet innocence that you hold, because without it, I have no light in this dark life of mine.” He laughed weakly.

Alex’s eyes filled with tears as he continued, “I know I haven’t been the man that you deserve, nor the man that deserves to call you his, but I promise to better myself for you. I promise I will always put you, Nathaniel, and any other children we’ll have first. Everything else will come second. I promise to always love you and show you just how much I do. I won’t ever hurt you, not again. I swear it to you.” He vowed, squeezing her hand gently for emphasis, “Alex.. Will you marry me? Please?..” He finished.

Alex let out a quiet sob as she nodded, unable to voice it. Tommy smiled brightly, laughing a bit as he slipped the ring on her finger. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her palm gently. Alex shakily placed her other hand on his shoulder, gripping tightly onto his coat and pulling on it, signaling she wanted him to stand. Tommy took the hint and stood back up to her level. Alex quickly threw her arms around his neck, kissing him with every single ounce of love she felt for him.

Tommy stumbled just a bit, being caught off guard, but quickly regained his balance, placing an arm around her waist, then his other hand behind her head, tangling his fingers in her hair. Alex was too captivated by Tommy’s lips, his gripping hand that was buried in her hair, and his other roaming hand, she didn’t know if she had pressed her body closer to his, or if he’s the one that pulled her closer. Either way, she had absolutely no problem with it.

She nearly whimpered when Tommy pulled away. Alex looked up at him, her eyes dazed and lips pink and plump. Tommy couldn’t help but groan softly and lean in for another kiss, which Alex gladly accepted. After a few soft pecks on her swollen lips, Tommy finally found the strength to pull away. He held her against him, leaning down to bury his face into her neck, “I love you, Alex.” He whispered against her skin.

Alex shivered in delight, burying her face into his shoulder, holding him tightly, “I love you too, Tommy.” She murmured. Tommy held her close to him. He made a silent vow to himself. He’d do anything and everything to keep this woman happy for the rest of his life.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! I would've updated last week, but I was so busy with schoolwork. Now, I finally have the time before class! This chapter will be a little longer, since my last two chapters were so short. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you to those who left kudos! It always motivates me to keep writing and updating.

Alex loved her library. Tommy had made sure to get her all kinds of books of different genres. Romance, Thrillers, Horror, Mystery. Even Children’s books. He’d even made sure to organize them by their genre. Alex would take Nathaniel with her to work since she wasn’t allowed to in London. She’d spend the day reading to him and even to the occasional group of kids that would wander in. It was a couple of days after she had officially opened her library to the public that she had her first few visitors. They were a group of older kids, looking around for a good book to read. She asked them what kind of book they were looking for and they replied with fiction. Alex recommended her favorites, which later became the kids’ favorites as well. They were amazed with Alex’s knowledge of books and promised to visit her library everyday after school. And they did.

A couple more days after that, more kids came to visit and selected every book that Alex recommended them. Even a few adults came by to view her selection of books. Before she knew it, every table in her library were filled with kids and adults, reading what she had to offer. Alex would come home with a grin on her face. Tommy knew she’d had a good day.

“Busy day?” He’d ask, leaning in to peck her lips softly.

Alex would grin more, “Yes! All of the tables were taken, some kids had to sit on the floor.” She’d reply. Tommy promised to get her more tables and chairs. He did. Three times.

One day, while Alex was putting away books, Nathaniel stumbling along behind her, Alex was surprised with a visit from Ada and Karl. They sat down and caught up with everything that had happened the past two years. Like Alex, Ada wanted to leave London and come back home as well. Alex offered her to work here in the library with her. Alex meant to find someone to help her with the library because of how it quickly became popular. Ada happily accepted the job.

So now the Shelby family was back together with an addition of Alex and Nathaniel. They were all having dinner at Alex’s and Tommy’s new home. They all drank, joked, laughed, having fun. Tommy leaned in to whisper in Alex’s ear, “This is how it should’ve been from the start. I’m sorry.”

Alex smiled slightly, reaching out and grabbing his hand to hold and squeeze gently, “We’ll make up for lost time, love.” She’d whisper back. Tommy truly didn’t deserve this amazing woman.

Everything was back to the way it should have been. Alex took a moment to look around at each Shelby. They all had shining smiles. Everything was perfect. Almost too perfect, but she couldn’t complain. It was everything she could ever want and more.

When everyone had finished and left, and Nathaniel tucked into bed, it was time for Tommy and Alex to retire to bed. Every night since Alex had come back, Tommy’s nightmares had once again stopped. He knew in his heart that Alex was his cure. He’d hold her in his arms, keeping her as close as possible, breathing her in, breathing out his night terrors.

Though, this night was different. It was Alex that held Tommy in her arms, Tommy’s head lying on her breast. And it was Alex that slowly ran her fingers up and down his back, then up to his head to scratch gently, repeating the process.

“So.. I finally decided on a date for the wedding.” Alex murmured. Tommy hummed in response. Alex laughed slightly, “I was thinking the tenth of April. Gives us enough time to plan it.” She stated at she ran her fingers through his hair.

Tommy hums once again, “That’s nearly a month away. Do we really need that much time?” He asked, “I was thinking more along the lines of this week.” He replied.

Alex laughs more, “A week is not nearly enough time to plan, much less for me to find the perfect dress.” She tried to reason.

Tommy peered up at her, “Fine, we’ll set the date for the tenth of April.” He sighed into her neck, “What kind of dress will you look for?” He questioned curiously.

“I’m not really sure. When I went shopping with Ada the other day, I saw a beautiful burgundy dress. If it’s still there I might take it.” Alex answered.

Tommy frowned slightly, “You won’t buy a white dress?” He interrogated.

Alex bit her lip, “I can’t wear a white wedding dress in church.. I’m no longer a virgin.” She replied quietly.

“That doesn’t matter. No one will know.” Tommy dismissed her reason.

“Tommy, we have a son. It’s obvious that I’m no longer a virgin.” Alex retorted.

Tommy shook his head, “I want to see you in a white dress, I know you want a white dress. I know how much it’d mean to you.” He tried to convince her.

Alex bit her lip and nodded slightly, “Fine.. I’ll pick a white dress.” She answered, making Tommy smile into her neck. Alex resumed to running her fingers through Tommy’s hair. Soon, they both fell asleep with small smiles on their faces.

Three weeks come and go. Tommy and Alex had everything planned. Arthur would be Tommy’s best man. Ada would be Alex’s maid of honor, since John strongly denied. She thought to ask Finn to be their ring bearer, only to find out he’d grown taller than her the two years she was gone. Tommy suggested that Ada and Arthur would hold them until it was time for the rings. All they had to do was wait for the date to arrive. As the day drew closer, the more nervous Alex felt. Everything had gone so perfectly, so smoothly, she felt like something was bound to go wrong.

Alex walked home with Nathaniel sleeping in his baby stroller. She was running a bit late. Ada had gotten the day off because Karl hadn’t been feeling too well, so Alex had to stay late to put away a few stacks of books. The night was cold, and Nathaniel only had a thin blanket to keep warm. She didn’t want Nathaniel to get sick as well, so she rushed home.

When Alex arrived, she found an unfamiliar car in front of their home. As she walked by it, she saw a man waiting in the driver’s seat. Alex furrowed her brows, “Excuse me, sir? Are you here for business with Tommy?” She asked.

The man shook his head, “Not me, but my mistress.” He answered.

Alex’s heart dropped. She was almost afraid to ask her next question, “Who is your mistress, sir?” She interrogated, her voice suddenly shaky.

“Ms. Grace.” He replied.

Alex nodded slightly and quickly made her way into her home. She placed Nathaniel in the living room, leaving him in his stroller and raced to find Tommy and Grace. He could hear their voices come from inside his office. She leaned as close and as quietly as she could to listen.

“You can’t tell me it was all fake, Tommy. I know you felt the same way I did.” Alex heard a woman’s irish accent.

“It was. I never felt anything towards you.” She heard Tommy reply.

“I don’t believe you. The way you touched me, the way you kissed me. That couldn’t be faked. You’re only doing this because you were hurt when you found out I was spying on you.” Grace argued.

“Believe it, Grace. None of it was real.” He stated shortly.

There was a moment of silence before Alex could hear the sound of clicking heels, “Then tell me this doesn’t feel real to you.” She heard a soft murmur.

Alex’s heart stopped. Before she knew it, she was bursting through doors. She saw Grace dressed in a beautiful green and blue dress, her arms draped over Tommy’s shoulders. Tommy’s hands were placed against her waist, not around, almost as if he was pushing her away. Alex looked from Grace to Tommy. Grace didn’t bother pulling away, not until Tommy physically pushed her from him.

“Alex, I can explain.” He tried to say.

“I want you gone. I want you out of my house.” Her voice was eerily quiet.

“Alex.. Please..” He mumbled.

“No, not you, Tommy. Her. I want her gone.” She repeated. Tommy looked from her to Grace. Grace only stared at Tommy. Alex suddenly felt her blood boil, “Have you suddenly gone deaf? I said I want you out of my house!” She yelled.

Grace looked at Alex, then back at Tommy, “Tommy..” She whispered.

“Did you not hear me? Are you going to make me repeat myself?” Alex drew closer, her hands clenching into fists, “Or am I going to have to call Polly down here? Lord knows just how much she wants you dead.” Alex laughed menacingly.

“I just want to talk with Tommy.” Grace replied quietly.

“Really? Because when I walked in, it looked like you wanted to do more than just talk.” Alex retorted. Grace looked back at Tommy helplessly. Alex wanted more than to just grab Grace by her curled blonde hair and drag her out of her home, “Stop looking at him. He isn’t going to help you!” She exclaimed.

“Grace, I think it’s time you go.” Tommy finally said.

“Tommy, please..” Grace started to say.

That was Alex’s breaking point. She rushed toward Grace, hoping to claw her eyes out, only to be held back by Tommy. She tried her best to break through Tommy’s strong grip, but failed. Tommy glared at Grace, “Now, Grace.” He demanded.

Grace stared at them both with wide eyes. It took her a moment to finally move from where she stood. She slowly made her way to the door of the office before Tommy spoke, “And please, don’t contact me anymore. Don’t write me any more letters. Forget me. Forget whatever happened between us. It wasn’t real, Grace. Nothing about it was ever real. Go back to your husband. Don’t ever come near me or my family again.” Tommy declared.

Grace started for the door once again and was stopped again. This time, by Alex, “I want you gone. I don’t want to see you again in Birmingham. Leave. Go back to New York. If I see your face ever again, I’ll kill you myself.” Alex threatened.

Grace nodded slowly, looking back at Tommy, “Goodbye, Tommy.” She mumbled. Tommy said nothing in return, only nodded. His arms still around Alex, holding her back. He didn’t let her go until Grace walked out of his office and heard the front door close.

Alex and Tommy were left in silence. Alex watched Tommy as he grabbed his cigarette box from his desk. He paused for a moment, looking around to see if Nathaniel was in the room. Everything had happened so quickly, he didn’t notice if his son was in the room or not. He looked at Alex, “Where is Nathaniel?” He asked.

“Sleeping. I left him in his stroller in the living room.” Alex replied quietly. Tommy nodded and proceeded to light his cigarette. They were left in silence once again. Tommy watched as Alex fiddled with her engagement ring.

Tommy finally spoke, “I didn’t invite her here. She just showed up unannounced.” He stated.

Alex nodded a bit, “I figured. I didn’t hear the entire conversation, but I heard enough.” She replied. Tommy nodded as well. Alex smiled a bit, “Even if I didn’t hear any of the conversation.. I trust you enough to know that you didn’t welcome her here.” She stated.

The tension in Tommy’s body finally melted away. He crushed the rest of his cigarette in an ashtray, then moved forward to hold Alex close to him. Alex immediately leaned against him, the tension in her body melting away as well. She relaxed into him as he ran his hands up and down her back. Tommy pulled back slightly to look down at her, “So, you’d kill her, huh?” He chuckled.

Alex bit her lip and hid her face in his chest, “I was angry. I said it without thinking.” She mumbled.

He chuckled more, “Is it wrong to admit seeing you angry aroused me just a bit?” He joked, but was speaking truthfully.

Alex gasped and pulled away to smack his chest gently, “Tommy!” She scorned him. Tommy caught her hand in his and brought it up to her lips, kissing her palm softly, making Alex giggle quietly. “Shall I make dinner?” Alex asked softly, interrupting Tommy’s perverted thoughts. Tommy simply nodded, letting Alex’s hand slip from his hold as she made her way out of his office. Tommy smiled to himself. One more week and this woman would officially be his wife. Officially be a Shelby. He wasn’t going to let anything to stop that from happening. Not even Grace.

The week flew by faster than Alex expected. It was the night before Alex’s and Tommy’s wedding. Ada had somehow convinced Alex to sleep in a separate bedroom from Tommy. Something about it being bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. The Shelby’s and their superstitions. Tommy wanted to brush off her suggestion, but Alex disagreed.  


“If I’m gonna marry a gypsy, I better beware of superstitions.” She half joked. Tommy had no choice but to sleep on his own in one of the guest bedrooms.

He tossed and turned restlessly. He was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried. Every time he closed his eyes, he could feel his nightmares slipping into his unconscious mind. He sighed and rubbed at his tired eyes, then jumped at the sound of the door opening. Tommy tried to focus his bleary vision. When his vision finally focused, he could see Alex peeking her head in.

“Are you still awake, Tommy?” She whispered quietly.

Tommy chuckled slightly, “Yes, love. Wide awake.” He answered.

Alex opened the door, slipping in, then closing it quietly behind her, “So am I. I’m having trouble sleeping without you in our bed.” She laughed slightly as she walked closer to the bed.

“I thought you wanted to sleep in separate rooms tonight. Bad luck and what not.” He mumbled.

Alex shrugged, “I missed you and I don’t care about that anymore. Bad luck or not, I want to sleep with you tonight.” She replied.

Tommy lifted the covers for her to lie down next to him. Alex quickly climbed into bed beside him. Tommy moved to hold Alex in his arms. When Alex buried her face into his neck, she could feel his skin was a bit damp. She moved to place her hand on his neck, then his cheek and forehead, “Tommy, you’re sweating.” She frowned, “Is the room too warm? Shall I open a window?” She asked, sitting up. Tommy shook his head, pulling her to lie down next to him once again. It took Alex a moment before she realized, “Were you having a nightmare?” She asked quietly.

Tommy’s silence answered her question. Alex frowned slightly, “I’m sorry, love. I should’ve never have listened to Ada.” She apologized.

Tommy breathed in deeply, holding Alex closer to him, “Don’t apologize. You’re here now.” He whispered, kissing her forehead gently, “Sleep. We’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.” He smiled slightly against her skin. Alex nodded and smiled sleepily, then finally settled into him. They both slowly drifted off to sleep, dreaming of how perfect tomorrow would be.

When morning came, Alex woke up in the guest bedroom alone. She felt around the spot beside her and only found a single rose. She smiled to herself and brought it with her downstairs to put it in a vase.

“Finally, you’re awake! I thought I was going to have to go up there and wake you myself.” Ada laughed as she fed Karl and Nathaniel.

“Why didn’t you come wake me?” Alex asked as she placed the rose in a small vase and filled it with water.

“Tommy told me not to. Apparently you two hadn’t got much sleep. Before the wedding night, really, Alex? You two couldn’t wait?” Ada teased.

Alex laughed, “We did nothing! We just.. Couldn’t sleep without each other.” She answered as she leaned down to kiss the top of Nathaniel’s head.

“You two are so meant for each other, it makes me sick.” Ada joked.

Polly walked in, already dressed in what she’d wear for the wedding, and pointed at them, “You two need to get ready. We leave for the church in two hours.” She ordered.

“Yes, Aunt Pol.” They answered in unison.

“Go on, I’ll finish feeding the boys.” Pol stated, shooing them.

“Come on, I’ll fix up your hair and make up.” Ada told Alex, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her upstairs.

They used and needed every single second to get ready. Ada had pinned up Alex’s hair, leaving a few wavy strands, then pinned the white lace veil to her hair. Her make up was very natural and soft looking. Then finally, the dress. It was just as Alex imagined since she was a little girl. Long sleeve lace that covered her arms and shoulders, hugged her curves, long enough to cover her heels, the train of the dress flowing out a couple of feet behind her.

Both Ada and Polly stared at her in awe, tearing up, making Alex tear up. Ada quickly shook her head, “No, no crying! We haven’t got the time to fix your make up.” She laughed.  


Alex laughed as well, “Alright. I’m ready.” She announced.

They all quickly made their way down the stairs and out the door. Tommy had John waiting outside in the family car. It was John’s turn to stare at Alex in awe, watching her as she rushed to the car with Ada holding the train of her dress. Polly was behind them, leading her great-nephews to the car.

“You look beautiful, Alex. Tommy’s a lucky bastard.” He smiled.

Alex smiled shyly, “Thank you, John.” She replied quietly. As they drove to the church, Alex’s stomach was in knots. It was finally happening. She was about to marry the love of her life. The man that she had been in love with since she was just a little girl. It almost felt unreal.

When they finally arrived at the church, Ada and Polly took the kids and hurried inside. John helped Alex out of the car, careful not to ruin her dress. John gave her a bright smile, “Ready?” He asked. Alex was too nervous to answer, so she simply nodded.

Since John had strongly denied her request for him to be her "man of honor," she instead asked him to walk her down the aisle. She thought of asking her own father, but later found out that he and her mother had moved from Birmingham. She asked Tommy if he knew where they moved to, but he had no idea. Alex had to admit that she felt hurt and heartbroken. Her parents, her own blood, didn’t care enough to write her a single letter. They didn’t even know that they were grandparents, though, it was probably better that way. If they’d known she was an unwed mother, they’d probably disown her even more if that were possible.

However, her parents leaving her without a trace as to where they’d gone didn’t matter. She was going to marry the love of her life and gain a new family. A family that had been there for her more than her own.

So, Alex let herself be led by John as he walked her through the entrance of the church. She could hear the organist begin to play the Wedding March. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then nodded to the men by the doors. They slowly opened the doors to reveal her guests on either side of the church. There weren’t many people, only a few friends and family, but that’s how Alex wanted it. Only a few close friends and family. She even spotted Mr. and Mrs. Mirley in the crowd. Alex smiled to herself. Tommy must’ve invited them.

Alex finally looked straight ahead. The image would be burned into her memory forever. Tommy stood at the end of the altar, a small smile on his face as he admired the beauty of his wife to be. Arthur stood beside him with a cheesy grin. John and Alex stopped at the end of the altar and waited as Father Jeremiah stepped forward, “Who gives the bride to the groom today?” He asked.

“I do.” John answered as he gave Alex’s hand one last gentle squeeze, leaning in to kiss her cheek over her veil, then placed her hand in Tommy’s.

Alex took a step closer to Tommy and faced him, waiting for him to lift the veil that was covering her face. Tommy gently lifted the veil and pulled it back over her head. His breath was taken from him. The way Alex’s eyes shined with pure love and joy, Tommy had to stop himself from kissing her then and there. Instead, he placed a hand on the side of her neck and let his thumb stoke her jawline softly. Alex’s eyes only shined more as she leaned against his touch.

They finally both turned to Father Jeremiah to begin the ceremony, “Dearly beloved..” He began. Alex couldn’t help but be distracted while he spoke. She was so giddy with excitement as she thought about her future with the man beside her. She was interrupted from her thoughts when it was time to say their vows.

“Do you, Alexandra Marie Kingsley, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?” Father Jeremiah read.

Alex smiled brightly as she stared up at Tommy, “I do.” She stated as she placed a gold wedding band on his ring finger. Tommy gently squeezed her hands, smiling.

“And do you, Thomas Michael Shelby, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?” Father Jeremiah repeated.

Tommy could help but grin as Alex stared up with him her eyes filled with love, “I do.” He replied, placing her gold wedding band under her engagement ring.

“Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride, Tommy.” Jeremiah smiled.

Alex and Tommy turned to each other, smiling so brightly. Tommy took Alex’s face in his hands as he leaned in to kiss her deeply. Her soft giggle was drowned out by the loud cheering around them. Tommy finally pulled away slightly, still leaving soft kisses against her lips, “I love you.” He murmured between each kiss.

Alex smiled against his lips, “I love you too.” She murmured back. Tommy held her close to him, placing his forehead against hers as they laughed at the loud cheering.

Just as Alex and Tommy were ready to walk down the aisle and out of the church, there was a loud bang of the doors opening. The cheering stopped abruptly. Everyone turned to see who had rudely interrupted their cheering for the newlyweds.

Alex could almost laugh at the sight before her. There, Grace stood in a flowy purple dress, holding a black handbag. Alex could feel as Tommy pulled her close, almost as if he had expected her to charge for Grace at any second. Though, Alex had no urge to charge at her. She wasn’t going to let Grace ruin the best day of her life.

“You’re too late. They’ve already tied the knot.” Alex could hear Polly say from the pews. Alex tried to hold back her smug smile, but found it incredibly difficult as she felt Tommy pull her even closer to him.

Grace looked at the pews then back to Tommy, “Am I too late?” She asked, taking a small step forward.

“What do you want, Grace?” Tommy asked, the tone in his voice showing how annoyed he was.

Grace took another small step forward, “What do I want?” She answered, “Well, what I wanted was you. I was ready to leave my husband for you. To start a new life with you.” She continues as she takes another step forward, opening her clutch bag, “Then you tell me that your feelings for me weren’t real? That you were just using me?” Grace laughed humorlessly.

Tommy sighed and rubbed at his face awkwardly, “Look, Grace, now isn’t the time. It’s my wedding day. I’m sorry.” He apologized.

Grace shook her head slightly, reaching into her clutch purse, then quickly pulled out a small pistol, pointing it at Tommy, “It’s too late for 'sorrys', Tommy.” She stated emptily.

Alex could feel her blood freeze. Tommy quickly pulled Alex behind him. She suddenly heard rustling come from the pews. She forced her gaze from Grace to the pews. John, Arthur, Finn, as well as a few of the Peaky’s they invited holding their guns, pointing them at Grace.

However, Grace didn’t move her gaze from Tommy, “I wanted you, Tommy. Not anymore.” She stated emptily as she raised the gun.

In Alex’s mind, it all happened in slow motion. She watched as Grace’s finger moved and pulled the trigger. Alex’s hands reaching up to Tommy’s shoulders, pushing him aside. The bullet zipping through the air, then finally piercing Alex’s shoulder. As she fell to the ground, she could hear a second gunshot, then a third, followed by the cries and screams of everyone. Above all the chaos, she could hear Nathaniel crying for her.

Alex was trying to process what had just happened, but the pain shooting through her shoulder was distracting. So distracting, that she hadn’t noticed Tommy was kneeling beside her, holding his hand over her wound. She saw the panic in Tommy’s eyes as he tried to stop the bleeding. Her eyes moved to look where Grace stood, only to find her on the ground. If she was alive or dead, Alex couldn’t tell.

Alex’s eyes then moved to her crying son in the pews, being comforted by Polly. Nathaniel knew something was wrong though, watching his father kneeling down by his mother who was lying on the ground. Alex’s eyes finally moved back to Tommy.

“Nathaniel..” She strained.

Tommy quickly looked up, “He’s alright. He’s with Polly.” He spoke frantically.

“Bring him.. I need to tell him I love him.” Alex gasped.

Tommy eyes filled even more with panic as they moved from her wound then to her eyes, “You’re fine, love. We just need to stop the bleeding.” He stated, his voice cracking a bit.

Alex weakly reached out, grabbing his hand, “Tell me you love me.” She whispered.

This time, Tommy’s eyes filled with tears, “Love, you’re fine.” He tried to convince her, trying to convince himself as well.

“Please, Tommy.. I might not make it.” Alex whispered as she weakly squeezed his hand.

“Stop talking like you’re going to die, Alex. I wouldn’t have it.” He stated, wiping the tears that fell from his eyes.

Alex smiled weakly, thinking back to when she said those words to him when he thought he was going to die. She moved her gaze from him to look up at John and Arthur as they knelt by her as well.

“We called an ambulance, they should be here soon. They said to keep applying pressure to the wound.” Arthur murmured.

Alex watched as John quickly shrugged his coat off, then tearing the sleeve off, rolling it up into the form of a ball. He moved Tommy’s bloodied hand and replaced it with the sleeve, applying pressure, making Alex cry out in pain. John apologized under his breath. 

John’s face was filled with just as much panic as Tommy’s. It also showed fear and pain. To see his childhood friend bleeding out before him, he was afraid that he was going to lose her. Alex then moved her gaze to Arthur who stood above them. Surprisingly, he was the most calm out of his brothers. His eyes showed his panic and fear, but his composure was different from his younger brothers.

Alex’s eyes moved to her crying son in the pews, still trying to be comforted by Polly and now Ada, who was comforting her own son. She wanted so badly to just get up and comfort Nathaniel. To tell him she loved him so much, but she felt so weak and her vision was beginning to blur. She finally moved her eyes back to Tommy.

His face at this point was just a blur to Alex. She smiled slightly, closing her eyes, mumbling her love for him. As her vision and mind faded to black, she could hear Tommy’s cries of her name, telling her to stay with him. Alex felt too tired to open her eyes again, and could only barely squeeze his hand slightly before falling unconscious.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since I've updated! I'm so sorry! I've been busy with exams, essays, and countless projects. Finals are coming up and I finally have time to update! I'm currently updating right before class, haha. I feel like the next chapter will most likely be the last, so be ready for that. I hope everyone enjoys this long overdue chapter. Thank you for the past comments and kudos I've received, it means so much. To those who do comment, I'm curious to see where you guys are from. So if you leave a comment, or have left a comment, please comment where you're from! Like, city, state, or country. I'm so curious, haha.

Tommy was trying his best to keep it together, but as he watched Alex’s eyes slowly fall shut, all he could do was cry out to her. Begging her to keep her eyes open, to stay awake, to stay with him.

John quickly moved a hand from where he was holding the torn piece of cloth on her shoulder to place two fingers under her neck. He could still feel a pulse, though, it wasn’t as strong as it should be. John moved to grab Tommy’s hand and placed it against Alex’s pulse, “She’s still with us.” He quickly murmured, then looked up at Arthur as he could hear vehicles approaching, “Go outside and lead them in here..” He ordered.

Arthur nodded and quickly sprinted outside, stopping for a moment to look down at Grace’s body. Whether or not she was alive or not, he couldn’t tell either, nor did he care enough to kneel down and check. As he made his way out of the church, he watched as two paramedics pulled out a gurney from the back of their ambulance. Arthur called out to them and quickly led them back into the church. When the two paramedics paused at Grace’s body, Arthur shook his head, “Not her. She’s not the victim.” He stated as he led them towards Alex.

Since Tommy was too preoccupied with making sure Alex still had a pulse, John spoke, “She was shot in the shoulder by the woman over there. We kept pressure on the wound like we were asked to.” He stated.

The medics kneeled down. One of them turned to Tommy, “Mr. Shelby, sir, I’m going to have to ask you to move your hand so I could feel her pulse.” He instructed.

Tommy hesitated for a moment, then reluctantly moved his hand back as he watched the man replace his hand. The man nodded to himself, then watched as his partner replaced John’s hands on Alex’s shoulder. They quickly placed Alex on their gurney, with the help of John and Arthur. Tommy could only watch helplessly. They moved quickly down the aisle, stepping over Grace’s body.

Tommy stopped to stare down at Grace’s body. Her eyes were open, staring blankly at the ceiling of the church. He was the first to kneel by her body. He could see a slight rise and fall of her chest. Tommy shook his head as he stood up, glancing to the side, spotting the gun Grace had tried to shoot him with, and instead shooting his newlywed. He was tempted to grab the gun and kill the woman on the floor. However, he could almost hear Alex’s voice in his head, telling him not to sink to that level. Instead, he chuckled emptily to himself, deciding to let Grace lie on the floor, struggling for her next breath, “I’ll send an ambulance over later. See if you’re still clinging on to life.” He mumbled as he stepped over her body.

As he walked to the exit of the church, he could hear the sound of metal clattering on the stone ground behind him. He chuckled once again as he turned around. He watched as Grace struggled to reach for the gun a couple of feet away from her. Tommy walked back slowly towards her and bent down to grab the gun. He stared down at Grace, who was looking up at him, this time, her eyes filled with fear.

Good, he thought. She should be afraid. Tommy moved to cock the gun back, then pointed it down at her. He gave her a chance. She didn’t take it. It was taking everything he had to block out Alex’s voice in his head telling him to not kill Grace. He ignored it. Though, it was John’s voice who stopped him.

“Tommy, come on!” John shouted. Tommy was quickly brought back to reality. He turned to look at John. John’s eyes still showing his panicked state. Tommy once again decided to leave Grace to suffer on the floor. John glanced from Tommy to Grace, “Is she still alive?” He asked.

Tommy didn’t answer him as he walked passed him. John felt the same urge Tommy felt watching as Grace’s eyes followed Tommy. His fingers itched to reach into his coat and bring his gun back out. This time, it was Tommy that brought John back to reality, “Take Polly, Ada, and the kids home.” He ordered him as he walked out of the church.

John glanced back at Grace one last time before following his brother, “Call if anything happens.” He stated, not wanting to say or even think about the worst that could happen.

Tommy only nodded as he watched Polly struggle to calm down Nathaniel, who was still crying for his mother. Nathaniel turned to see his father rushing towards the ambulance, where the medics were waiting for him, he cried out, “Papa!” Tears running down his rosy cheeks.

It broke Tommy’s heart even more. Like Alex, he wanted nothing more than to just hold his son and comfort him, to tell him everything would be okay. Polly could tell he was conflicted, whether or not to comfort his son, or get into the ambulance. When Tommy took a step to walk towards Nathaniel, Polly shook her head quickly, then motioned towards the ambulance. She gave him a look. Tommy knew the look. She’d take care of things. Tommy only nodded back and rushed towards the ambulance, climbing into the back.

If it were possible for Tommy’s heart to break even more, it did. The medic had torn off the sleeve of Alex’s wedding dress to look at the wound. The sleeve was on the floor of the ambulance, mostly covered in blood. The bleeding had finally slowed down enough for the medic to inspect it, “The bullet didn’t go through, it’s lodged in her shoulder.” The medic informed Tommy. Tommy was once again speechless and could only nod.

“If it had gone through, she’d be bleeding more, sir.” The medic continued. Tommy knew that. He’d seen men being shot. He’d shot men himself. Hell, he’d even been shot in the exact spot Alex had been shot. When the bullet shoots through the body, you might as well say your goodbyes then. Tommy could only feel slight relief that the bullet hadn’t gone through Alex’s shoulder.

The next few moments were a blur for Tommy. From being in the ambulance and rushing to the hospital, to the medics rushing Alex into the hospital and being stopped by nurses when he tried to follow the doctors who were taking his newlywed.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Shelby, but you can’t be in Ms. Kingsley’s room until she’s stable.” The nurse informed him.

“Mrs. Shelby..” He strained.

The nurse smiled a bit and nodded, “Mrs. Shelby. I’ll inform you when you can see Mrs. Shelby.” She replied softly.

Tommy didn’t know how long he sat in the little waiting room. It could have been a few minutes or a couple of hours, but it felt like days to him. The only thing that was running through his mind was watching Alex jump in front of him, falling to the ground, and bleeding out, the scene playing over and over again. This was the last thing he ever wanted to happen. Tommy never wanted Alex getting hurt over something he had done, whether if it was business or fake affairs.

“Mr. Shelby?” Tommy's thoughts were interrupted by a doctor.

Tommy quickly stood, “Yes?” He asked, his entire body was a tense mess.

“We were able to get the bullet out, along with a few bullet shards, but some I couldn’t remove. If I did, I’d be damaging the tissues in her muscle. The shards won’t affect her, the tissues will just heal over them. We stitched the wound closed to avoid infection. Now, she did lose quite a bit of blood, so she will have to take iron tablets for the next few months. Other than that, she’ll be okay, Mr. Shelby.” The doctor finished.

When Tommy heard the words ‘She’ll be okay’ he could feel his body relax and the worry melt away. Tommy nodded, “Thank you.. Thank you. Can I.. Can I see her now?” He asked, his heart and mind racing.

“You may, but she will be sleeping. We gave her a bit of morphine for her pain.” The doctor replied, then gave Tommy the room number.

Tommy thanked the doctor once again before rushing off to Alex’s room. When Tommy finally made it to her room, he quietly entered, not wanting to disturb Alex from her sleep. He slowly made his way over to her bed. Each step he took, he noticed different things. Alex looked more pale than usual, most likely from the blood loss she suffered. Her wedding dress had been replaced with a hospital gown. Her bullet wound had been covered with a patch of gauze. Little dots of blood stained the gauze.

Just as he did with Grace, his eyes moved to Alex’s chest to watch it rise and fall slowly with each breath. Finally, as Tommy sat down on the chair next to her bed, he relaxed completely. For the first time that day, he let the tears escape his eyes as he felt a sense of relief. Alex was okay. His wife was okay.

Tommy sat with Alex, her hand in his. He watched her sleep, hoping her dreams were sweet, and not nightmares of what had happened. When a nurse came in to check on Alex’s vitals, he had informed her about Grace in the church. The nurse claimed that she had already been brought in. Tommy didn’t care enough to ask about her, just told her to not let her anywhere near Alex’s room. Later, he called John to tell them that Alex was okay, but she was asleep, so it’d be best to visit her the next day. John, along with the rest of the Shelby’s were more than relieved. He then asked John to send a couple of their men to guard Alex’s room. He didn’t want to take any chances. A few minutes later, he could hear the murmurs of his men outside the door.

Tommy hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep, his head resting on Alex’s hip as he was slumped over from his chair. He could feel slim fingers running through his hair, nails scratching his scalp gently. Tommy slowly moved from Alex’s hip and turned to see Alex’s eyes open and watching him with a small smile on her face.

Tommy wanted to hug her and hold her tightly to him, but he didn’t want to hurt her. So, he settled for taking her hand and placing a kiss on her wrist and palm before placing it against his cheek. When he felt Alex’s thumb slowly stroke his cheekbone, he sighed in relief.

“Hello.” She spoke, quietly and raspy.

Hearing her voice wanted to make Tommy weep with joy, “Alex..” He whispered.

Alex smiled a bit more, hearing Tommy’s groggy voice, “I’m sorry.. Did I worry you?” She asked.

Tommy squeezed Alex’s hand gently, “You did, but you have nothing to apologize for. It was my fault, love. She’d never would have been there if it wasn’t for me.” He argued.

Alex shook her head slightly, “You don’t control her actions. We didn’t have any idea she’d do this.” Alex argued back. She bit her lip, “Is she..? Did you..?” She tried asking.

“Is she dead? Did I kill her?” He finished her questions. Alex nodded. 

Tommy sighed, “I don’t know. I’m not sure. When I left the church, she was still clinging to life. I wanted to kill her.” He could see Alex wince. His beautiful wife, inside and out, could be shot by someone so evil and cruel and still take pity on the person. His amazing wife, “I didn’t kill her. No matter how much I wanted to.” He finished.

Alex smiled a bit, “Thank you, Tommy.” She murmured.

Tommy squeezed onto Alex’s hand a bit more, “Why did you do it, love?.. I.. I could’ve lost you..” He whispered.

Alex smiled sadly, “Because I didn’t want to lose you.. I’d rather die for you than have you die in front of me.” She answered.

Tommy shook his head, “Don’t say that. I’m not worth you dying for me. I’m a bad man, Alex.” He replied shakily.

It was Alex’s turn to shake her head, “You’re not a bad man, Tommy. You’re good. So good. So good to me. To Nathaniel. To your family. You’re a good man who only does bad things to help his family. Like Robin Hood.” Alex joked lightly.

Tommy chuckled slightly, “Robin Hood?” He questioned.

Alex giggled quietly and shrugged slightly, instantly causing her to wince in pain. Tommy quickly stood, placing his hand gently on her arm. Alex bit her lip, “I forgot that I had a bullet wound.” She laughed lightly. Tommy smiled uneasily in return. She turned to look at her shoulder covered in gauze. Alex wondered what it looked like underneath. What it would look like once it’s healed. Would it look like Tommy’s? She smiled a bit and looked up at Tommy, “We’ll have matching scars from bullet wounds.” Alex stated.

The fact that Alex was trying to lighten Tommy’s panicked and tense body by making cute statements made Tommy smile once again, “Yes, we will.” He agreed quietly. He turned to look at the door, then glanced back at Alex, “I’ll go get the doctor. Tell him you’re awake now.” He stated.

Alex only nodded as she watched him walk towards and out the door. As he opened the door, she could see a couple of the Peaky’s. Tommy must’ve had his brothers send them to watch her room. Now that she was alone, Alex let her eyes well up with tears, remembering the cries of her son, the cries of Tommy, and everyone else around.

Alex didn’t regret jumping in front of Tommy and taking the bullet that was meant for him. She’d do it all over again if she had to. However, that didn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face. Though, she quickly wiped them away when she heard to door open. She turned to see the doctor walk in along with Tommy. Alex cleared her throat as the doctor walked closer. She avoided Tommy’s eyes because she knew once they made eye contact, he’d know she’d been crying.

“Hello, Mrs. Shelby. Good to see you’re finally awake. How’re you feeling? Any pain?” The doctor asked.

Mrs. Shelby. That’s right. She was Mrs. Shelby now. The moment she tried to let that sink in was rudely interrupted by Grace trying to shoot her husband. Alex smiled slightly, “I’m feeling okay, just a bit of pain when I move my shoulder.” She answered.

The doctor nodded, “Yes, that’s normal. I could give you another dose of morphine if you’d like.” He offered.

Alex shook her head, “No, thank you. I’m okay.” She denied, hating the way the morphine made her feel.

The doctor looked down at his notes, “I’d like to keep you tonight for observation. You did lose quite a bit of blood. I want to see if you’d need a blood transfusion. If not, you may go home tomorrow morning. Though, like I told your husband, you’d need to take iron tablets.” He informed her.

Alex nodded and smiled politely, “Yes, okay. I understand.” She replied. She finally made eye contact with her husband. He’d been watching her intently.

“I’ll be sending a nurse in shortly to take your vitals. If you do feel like you’re going to need morphine, please inform us and we’ll administer another dose.” The doctor explained. Alex nodded and thanked him as the doctor took his leave.

Tommy returned to his seat by Alex, watching her intently. Alex knew he was going to ask why she had been crying, so she spoke before he could begin to question her, “Hearing Nathaniel and you crying out for me.. I was scared I might not be able to hear you two again. I don’t regret taking the bullet that was meant for you, but I couldn’t help from feeling afraid.” She explained quietly.

Tommy only felt even more guilty. Of course, Alex would’ve been afraid. Even he was afraid to watch his newlywed bleed out in front of him. He could only imagine how afraid Alex would’ve been if he were the one who was shot and trying to stay conscious while bleeding out in front of her.

Alex could sense the guilt trip Tommy was putting himself through and reached over to place her hand over his, “I’m okay, love.” She whispered. Tommy nodded slightly, still in his head. Alex finally pulled on his arm gently, signaling for him to lie down next to her. Tommy hesitated for a moment, not wanting to hurt Alex any further, however, Alex kept pulling on his arm, insisting that he lie down with her.

They took a moment to get comfortable, Alex lying on her back so she wouldn’t have to move her wounded shoulder. Tommy lied down beside her, his head next to hers on her pillow, his arm settling on her waist. They stayed awake as long as they could, whispering sweet nothings to each other, until finally they were overcome with sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After months of writer's block, I've finally written my last chapter. Finally! Ugh, the writer's block was killing me. I knew I wanted to end the story, but I wasn't happy with how any of my writing was coming out. Finally, I just let my mind wander and found an ending I'm happy with. I hope you all are happy with my ending as well. I wanted to thank my readers for sticking with me this past year and reading each and every chapter I've come out with. I'm really going to miss writing for this story. It's my first story I've ever published, but it won't be my last. I've got many more ideas for more stories about the Peaky Blinders, and maybe even other fandoms. For now, I hope you enjoy the last chapter of Cigarettes, Whiskey, and Love.

When morning came, it was time for Alex to be discharged. Although she still felt pain and discomfort in her shoulder, she was more than ready to go home. Tommy was very careful on the drive home, making sure to avoid every bump and pothole on the road, not wanting to cause Alex any further pain. Alex was grateful for that.

Alex was immediately ambushed by her worrying family as soon as she entered her home. Tommy was close behind her, his hand at the small of her back, not wanting her to become suddenly weak and stumble or fall. Tommy tensed as his aunt, brothers, and sister suddenly swarmed around her. He took a step closer and held out his arm to keep them from coming any closer, “Alright, alright. Let’s not overwhelm her.” He ordered.

Alex laughed softly and nudged her arm against his side, “They’re not overwhelming me, I’m fine, Tommy.” She replied.

“Are you alright then? You in pain?” John asked, his eyes filled with worry.

She smiled slightly at her best mate, “I’m still alive, aren’t I?” She used one of Tommy’s lines once again as she looked up at her husband. Tommy could only give her an unsettling smile. Alex smiled to herself as she leaned closer against Tommy, almost in a comforting way, “As for the pain, it’s there when I move my shoulder. Doctor said I should keep moving it though, don’t want my muscles to weaken, or else I’ll have a noodle for an arm.” Alex laughed.

“You already have noodles for arms.” John quipped, which earned him a smack on the arm from Polly, a chuckle from Arthur, a playful glare from Alex, and a pointed look from Tommy.

“The doctor said you should be on bed rest as soon as you came home.” Tommy reminded her.

Alex nodded, “Okay, but I want to see Nathaniel first.” She smiled softly.

“He’s down taking a nap with Karl right now.” Ada announced. Alex frowned slightly, she hadn’t seen her son in nearly two days. She wanted to see him, to hear his little excited voice as he cried out for her, to replace the frightened voice as he cried out when she laid on the church floor. The frightened cry she kept hearing play over and over in her head.

Alex bit her lip and looked at Tommy, “I feel like I should say we should let him sleep, but I really want to see him.” She stated quietly.

Tommy nodded and rubbed her back comfortingly, “Then go see him.” He replied.

Ada reached out and grabbed her hand, “Come on, I’ll take you while Tommy gets your room settled.” She smiled. Tommy reluctantly let Alex go as his sister moved forward to lead Alex, but was stopped by Polly.

Before Alex could react, she was pulled into a careful hug by Polly. Alex smiled softly and buried her face into Polly’s shoulder, trying to hug her back as best as she could. Polly gave Alex a gently squeeze, “I’m so glad you’re okay, sweetheart. I don’t know what this family would do without you.” She whispered softly. Alex closed her eyes as tears began to form. She could suddenly feel more careful pressure from behind and from the sides of her. Alex opened her eyes and laughed at the sight. John and Arthur had come beside her and hugged her from her sides, she guessed that Ada was hugging her from behind. She didn’t think she’d ever see the day, the Shelby’s forming a group hug.

“Be careful with her.” Tommy stressed. Alex looked up to see Tommy’s brows furrowing in concern. Alex laughed quietly, then reached out, wanting her husband to be apart of the group hug as well. Tommy huffed and crossed his arms, shaking his head. Alex pouted, which made Tommy groan inwardly. He took a few steps closer, and let Alex’s hand rest against his hip. Tommy tried his best to lean over his aunt and brother to place a kiss against the side of her head.

“Alright, off with you lot, you’re all going to suffocate my wife.” Tommy stated as he took a step back. Everyone else followed in suit.

“Let’s go see your boy now, shall we?” Ada asked as she took a step in the direction of the room that the boys were in. Alex nodded and followed Ada.

Tommy couldn’t help but feel a heavy weight on his chest as he watched her leave. His heavy thinking was interrupted by Polly, “Come on, I’ll help you set up your room for her.” She stated as she made her way towards the stairs.

Polly moved towards their wardrobe, picking out a nightgown for Alex to wear, while Tommy piled up a mountain of pillows for her to lay against. He’d also asked for his brothers to bring her a few of her favorite books from her library for her to read.

“Grace is still alive.” Polly stated quietly. Tommy’s shoulders tensed once again. So the woman clung to life. Polly placed Alex’s nightgown on the bed, “Ben informed me this morning. Her husband is there with her, but she won’t tell him who shot her. Tells him she didn’t see who it was. Won’t tell him where it was.” Polly explained, “They’re leaving for New York in a few days. I told Ben that if he sees her even taking one step towards the direction of this house, to shoot her on sight.” She informed Tommy.

Tommy sighed as he rubbed at his face tiredly, “I don’t want to hear of that woman ever again.” He replied quietly.

Polly came up beside him and place a hand on his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze, “I think the same goes for all of us.” She stated, giving him a tired smile, “I’ll go check on Alex and send her up.” She suggested as she turned to walk out of the room.

“Thank you, Pol. For taking care of Nathaniel. At the church and these past two days.” Tommy thanked her quietly.

“No need to thank me, Tommy. It’s what families do. Help each other.” She replied, giving him another small, tired smile before continuing out of the room.

Tommy sighed once again and sat down on the bed as he waited for Alex. He stared at the wall in front of him for a few minutes before he heard Alex, as well as John’s voice coming up the stairs. Tommy stood and turned to see John helping Alex into the room, “I told you I was fine! I was shot in my shoulder, not my knee.” She grumbled.

“Yeah, I know, but you also know that Tommy would have my head if I let you walk up those steps alone.” John retorted. Alex couldn’t help but grumble in agreement.

Alex looked up to see Tommy standing by their bed. Her arm being hooked around John’s, she bit her lip as she thought of her wedding. The memory of it being ruined by Grace brought tears to her eyes.

Tommy’s eyes widened slightly as he rushed towards her, “Are you alright, love? Does your shoulder hurt? Should we go back to the hospital?” He bombarded her with questions.

Alex shook her head slightly as she wiped her eyes, “No, I’m alright.” She replied quietly. Tommy took Alex’s face in his hands, making her look up at him. She watched as his crystal blue eyes scanned her face, then look over at John. Tommy nodded his head towards the door, signaling him to take his leave.

John patted Alex’s back, “Get some rest, Alex.” He murmured. Alex nodded in return. John walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Alex’s attention was brought back to Tommy as his thumbs stroked her jawline, “What’s wrong, Alex?” He questioned. Alex only shook her head slightly, starting to pull away, only to be stopped by Tommy holding her head in place, “Tell me..” He murmured quietly.

Alex sighed, her gaze moving down towards the buttons on Tommy’s shirt. She took a moment to gather her thoughts before speaking, “Our wedding.. Our reception. They were ruined. What was supposed to one of the best days of our lives.. Turned out to be the worst. I don’t want to remember our wedding in that way. I wanted to have amazing memories.. Not terrifying ones.” She mumbled.

Tommy nodded slightly, “Yes, I understand how you feel, and if I could take back what happened, I’d do it in a heartbeat.. I’m sorry, Alex..” He replied softly.

Alex smiled weakly and shook her head, “Don’t apologize, Tommy. I already said you don’t control that woman’s actions.” She tried to comfort him.

Tommy sighed and wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist, pulling her in closer to him, though being careful with her shoulder. How he loved this woman. He must have done something incredible in a past life to deserve this woman, because God knows he hadn’t done anything worth deserving this amazing woman in this life. So many thoughts ran through Tommy’s mind, though there was only one important thought. He’d have to speak to his family later.

He leaned in to kiss Alex’s forehead, “Come on, let’s change you into your nightgown.” He murmured.

Alex bit her lip, almost suggesting to have Polly or Ada help her, but then remembered the man that was holding her close was her husband. She nodded shyly. Tommy smiled and chuckled slightly, “Would you rather have Ada’s help?” He asked, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

Alex quickly shook her head, “No! I.. I mean, no. I want you to help me.” She mumbled shyly, making Tommy chuckle once again before nodding.

“Alright, love. Turn around for me.” He murmured. Alex turned her back to him, still biting her lip. She could feel her heart begin to race as Tommy began to unbutton the couple of buttons at the top of her dress. She could feel his warm fingers graze her skin as he started to unzip her dress. Alex’s face became warm and flushed.

Tommy then slowly and carefully slid the dress off of Alex’s shoulders, then down her arms, and down her hips. He had to keep from groaning as he glanced down, seeing Alex’s rear covered in her undergarments, as well as her stockings attached to her garter belt. Tommy cleared his throat, “Shall I help you with your.. Undergarments as well?” He asked, referring to her brassiere, stockings, and garter belt.

Alex nodded shyly in return, “Yes, please. I can’t quite reach the laces of my brassiere without hurting my shoulder.” She replied.

Tommy cleared his throat once again and grabbed the little tie of her bra, untangling the knot, then slowly moving it off of her shoulders from behind. He bent down slightly to unclip the stockings from her garter belt, then removed the garter belt as well. He tossed her brassiere and garter belt off to the corner of their room, earning a grumble from his wife. He’d pick it up later, he told her.

“Face me, love.” He whispered, still bent down. Alex took a deep breath and turned slowly. Tommy tried with everything he had not to look up and stare at his wife’s half naked body, but he couldn’t help himself. Alex was more beautiful than ever. She suddenly started to feel self conscious and moved to raise her arms to cover herself, but was stopped by Tommy grabbing her arms carefully and moving her to sit on the bed. 

Alex watched as Tommy ran his hands up her leg to grasp at the hem of one of her stockings. She could feel her face grow even warmer. Tommy slowly slid the stocking down her leg, his fingers grazing her skin as he did so, then leaned in to place a soft kiss on her knee, making Alex gasp in surprise. Tommy repeated the process with her second leg, placing a kiss on that knee as well, making Alex giggle softly this time. Tommy smiled against her soft skin.

Tommy glanced up at Alex again, however, this time his eyes had move to the bandages that were covering her shoulder. His brows furrowed slightly, as he frowned. Alex only smiled softly, reaching out with her finger to smooth out the furrow, “Stop that, you’ll give yourself wrinkles.” She joked lightly.

His gaze moved from her shoulder to the soft smile on her face. Her smile instantly put a smile on his face, “I already have wrinkles. Don’t you know you married an old man?” He joked back.

Alex reached out to run her fingers through Tommy’s hair, “You’re not old, Tommy. Just well seasoned.” She grinned. Tommy only chuckled as he stood up straight to grab Alex’s nightgown. Alex stood up, ready to put on her nightgown, but was suddenly met with a dizzy spell. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to get the room to stop spinning, and stumbled a bit.

Tommy quickly reached out, grabbing her by her hips. Alex immediately leaned against Tommy, trying to settle herself. Tommy ran his hands down her naked back, “Maybe we should go back to the hospital.” He suggested.

Alex shook her head, her eyes still closed, “The doctor said I’d have dizzy spells until my iron level was back to normal.” She mumbled. They stayed still for a few moments until finally, Alex’s dizzy spell had disappeared. She slowly moved back in Tommy’s embrace and looked up at him. The room around them had stopped spinning.

The way that Alex felt, almost completely naked, in Tommy’s arms, the way she was looking up at him, Tommy couldn’t help but lean down to capture her lips with his. Alex gasped slightly in surprise, freezing for a moment, before closing her eyes and raising her uninjured arm to rest against Tommy’s chest as she leaned her body closer to his. Tommy’s hands moved from Alex’s hips to wrap around her body, one hand at the small of her back, the other grazing up and down her side slowly. Tommy’s teeth catching and biting at Alex’s lower lip gently, making her whimper against his lips.

Alex’s body itched to feel Tommy’s bare skin against her own. She let her hands trail down to the buttons of Tommy’s vest and unbuttoned them as quick as she could, then helping him shrug it off. As soon as the vest hit the floor, Alex’s hands trailed back up Tommy’s chest to start unbutton his white shirt. Alex quickly had the shirt off of Tommy’s body and on the floor just as quick as his vest. She leaned her bare chest against his, finally feeling his warm body against hers.

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and filled with the innocence he adored. He wanted more than to place her on their bed and make love to her, but the bandage covering her shoulder kept distracting him. Alex made a little sound at the back of her throat that only made Tommy want to do so even more. He went to lean in, finally giving in to his strong desires, only to be stopped by booming laughter coming from Arthur and John downstairs.

They’d both been too distracted with each other to remember that their family was right downstairs. Alex’s face became even more flushed as she took a step back, “I.. I forgot they were down there.” She murmured.

Tommy smiled softly as he watched Alex trying to cover up her embarrassment. He reached for her and pulled her naked body back against him, “That’s alright, love. Having you against me like this made me forget as well. Even made me forget where I was for a moment.” He joked lightly, as he let his hand wander down her back and down to let his fingers graze beneath her underwear.

Alex squeaked quietly at Tommy’s wandering hand, then reaching back to catch Tommy’s hand, “Tommy!” She exclaimed.

Tommy chuckled, “What? I can’t touch my wife?” He questioned.

Alex bit her lip, “Well.. Yes, you can, but..” She mumbled.

Tommy leaned in and kissed her forehead gently, “I’m joking, Alex. I know.. I just, really wish they weren’t downstairs right now.. You don’t know how badly I want to take you right now.” He murmured against her hair, making her face grow even warmer.

Alex whined slightly, “Tommy..” The tone in her voice different from before.

Tommy’s fingers stroked at the small of her back as he kissed her forehead once more, “I know, love, but not right now.. We will, believe me, we will, but not with our family downstairs, and not when your shoulder is still healing.” He explained as he took a step back to reach for her nightgown, only making Alex whine once again as the warmth of his body left hers.

Tommy chuckled, “Stop that, love, you’re not making this any easier for me.” He stated as he stepped in front of her once again to help her into her nightgown, catching a sight of her pout before he did so.

He helped her get comfortable in their bed, making sure her arm was elevated as he stacked his own pillows underneath it. He’d make sure to bring in some more for himself later, “Do you need anything? Something to eat? Drink?” He asked, as he fluffed the pillows underneath her arm.

Alex shook her head with a small smile, “No, I’m fine for now.. Just need you.” She replied softly.

Tommy smiled as well, climbing in next to her, “You have me.” He responded, lying down beside her.

Alex reached down to lace her fingers with Tommy’s, “Forever?” She whispered shyly.

Tommy brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it softly, “Forever.” He murmured against her skin. Alex giggled slightly, then moved to lay against him, only wincing slightly from the pain in her shoulder. Alex could feel Tommy tense up against her, “Does it hurt? Shall I go get something for your pain?” He questioned.

Shaking her head and holding onto Tommy as he tried to get up, Alex answered, “No. It’s only a little pain. I’ve felt worse.”

Tommy looked down at her with a raised brow, making Alex giggle even more, “Tommy, I gave birth to your son.” She stated.

“Did that really hurt more than being shot?” He asked.

Alex nodded, “Try being in labor for 8 hours before trying to push a baby out of you.” She replied. Tommy winced just thinking about it, making Alex laugh.

They laid there, talking about whatever crossed their minds, "What are three things you love?" Alex had asked. 

Tommy purses his lips in thought, "Cigarettes.. Whiskey.. and you." He'd answered.

"In that order?" Alex had questioned.

"Yes." Tommy had replied jokingly, earning him a slap on the chest. 

And when they weren’t talking, their lips were pressed against each other’s, among other places. Eventually, they both dozed off into a peaceful sleep.

It took a few weeks for Alex’s shoulder to finally heal. Though, it only took about three weeks for her stitches to heal properly. She was thankful when she was finally able to take them out. However, she was even more thankful for her family, who had helped her every single step of the way. Yes, sometimes she felt suffocated and fed up by their constant hovering, mostly done by Tommy, but she knew it was because they loved and cared for her. Alex wouldn’t change it for the world.

Though now, she was feeling annoyed once more as Ada was making her change into a dress Tommy had bought for her while he was in town. It was a beautiful cream colored gown that hugged her waist and flowed to her ankles, with lace sleeves. Alex sighed, “This dress is gorgeous, but I still don’t see why he wants me to wear it for just a dinner.” She stated.

“I uh.. I think he said we were going to have important company and what not.” Ada replied as she waved her hand.

Alex rolled her eyes, “Why doesn’t he let me know these things ahead of time?” She complained as she walked down the stairs.

“You know my brother, what an annoying man he can be.” Ada partially joked.

Peering into the dining room, she could see that the table was not at all set up. She frowned, “Did he want me to set everything up?” She asked.

Ada took Alex’s arm and lead her towards the back yard, “Oh, no. He said that dinner would be served outside.” She replied. Alex raised a brow, but nodded anyways. Before they could make it out of the door, they were met with John.

“John? Are you the important company? Because I wouldn’t exactly call you that.” Alex jabbed.

John laughed sarcastically, “No, I’m not the important company. They’re outside. Tommy wanted me to come inside to see what was taking you two so long.” He replied.

Ada rolled her eyes, as did Alex, “We’re here now, so let’s go.” Alex stated as she reached for the door, only to be intercepted by John taking the doorknob and opening the door. John took her arm to intertwine with his as they walked out into the back yard.

Alex froze for a moment as she was met her friends and family gathered around. There were a couple of tables scattered around, as well as one long table that looked as it was meant for the Shelby’s. Each table was decorated with lavender colored tablecloths and pastel colored tulips. Alex’s favorite flower. The flowers she had chosen for their wedding reception. As her eyes scanned everyone who was present, she’d began to realize they were all guests who had attended her wedding. Alex’s eyes finally landed and met with Tommy’s. John helped Alex down the few stairs and led her to Tommy.

“Tommy?” She whispered.

Tommy reached up to take Alex’s face in her hands, “You didn’t want one of the best days of our lives to be remembered with terrifying memories. I’m sorry, love, but I can’t take those terrifying memories away. However, I can replace them. With wonderful memories.” He explained. Tommy leaned down to peck Alex’s lips softly, then pulled back to lace his fingers with hers, “This is our wedding reception. It might have been pushed back for some time, but we can finally celebrate our marriage.” He announced.

“Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for Mr. and Mrs. Shelby!” Arthur shouted from where he stood. And just like on that day, everyone cheered and applauded for Alex and Tommy.

Tommy wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist and pulled her close as tears filled her eyes. His emotional girl. He led her to their table where their family sat with them. The celebration had begun. Everyone ate, drank, laughed, and celebrated with them. Each other Tommy’s brothers gave speeches about how Alex’s and Tommy’s love story making everyone laugh and cry with them. Polly gave a speech about Alex always being apart of the family and she was only fated to be a Shelby. Alex of course shed a few tears. Tommy may had shed a tear or two as well, but he’d never admit it.

“Now, it’s time for Mr. and Mrs. Shelby to have their first dance as husband and wife.” Arthur announced and earned more applause.

Tommy stood up, helping his bride stand, and led her to the dance floor as the band played soft music. Alex stared into Tommy’s deep blue eyes as they swayed with the music. Tommy stared back into hers as he brought her even closer, “Did you like your surprise, love?” He asked.

Alex smiled brightly, “I loved it, Tommy. I love you.. So, so much.” She murmured, leaning up on her toes to press her lips against his softly.

Tommy leaned down to peck her lips gently before murmuring, “I love you too, Alex.. More than you can imagine.” He whispered softly against her lips.

They could hear a squeal of tiny laughter from their table. They both turned to see Arthur and John tickling and playing with Nathaniel, making the little Shelby squeal with laughter. Alex and Tommy smiled at the sight.

“When are we having more?” Tommy asked suddenly.

Alex turned back to look at Tommy, who was already looking down at her. Alex bit her lip, “When would you like to have more?” She replied with a question.

“Right away. As soon as possible.” Tommy replied bluntly, making Alex blush slightly.

“Well.. Okay. And.. Exactly how many more do you want?” She asked.

“How many more do you want?” He answered with a question.

Alex pursed her lips in thought, “Mm.. two more? Maybe three?” She answered.

Tommy chuckled, “I was thinking maybe six or seven.” He replied.

Alex gasped, “Tommy! Do you not remember about the pain of labor I told you about?” She nearly shouted.

Tommy grinned and leaned in to kiss her forehead, “We’ll talk about it later.” He mumbled, earning a scoff from his wife.

After a moment, other couples began to move to the dance floor to slow dance as well. Alex looked around at her friends and family and smiled to herself. Nothing else could make this moment even more amazing.

Tommy watched as Alex’s eyes gleamed with happiness. This beautiful woman was really his. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “You want to get started now?” He murmured.

Alex’s eyes widened slightly, “Tommy.. The guests..” She squeaked.

“Won’t even notice we’re gone. Look at them.” He pointed out. Alex looked around. They were all laughing, talking, and drinking amongst themselves. She bit her lip and looked up at Tommy, extremely tempted. Tommy raised his brows up and down.

“Okay.. Let’s go.” She whispered.

Tommy grinned, lacing her fingers with his and led her off of the dance floor. Alex looked around, hoping none of her guests would notice them leaving. Surprisingly, no one noticed. Tommy led her inside their home, and quickly up the stairs to their room.

Tommy led her onto the bed and slowly and carefully crawled on top of her. He reached out to brush strands of hair from Alex’s face, “I love you, Mrs. Shelby.” He murmured.

Alex smiled softly, “I love you too, Mr. Shelby.” She whispered.

Tommy leaned his forehead against Alex’s, “Forever?” He mumbled, brushing his lips against hers.

“Forever.”


End file.
